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Lazarus and the Gimp
16-08-2005, 17:33:17
Let's face it- if you had to select an ultimate deity, it would be Richie Benaud every time. Urbane, charming, authoritative- he's yer man every time.

David Attenborough is runner-up. His self-effacing modesty lets him down.

Japher
16-08-2005, 17:34:09
no idea who either of them are... but ok

Lazarus and the Gimp
16-08-2005, 17:36:34
You poor benighted heathen.

Japher
16-08-2005, 17:37:28
at least I'm not standing in the way of any god

Drekkus
16-08-2005, 17:38:04
Any guy called Richie is dismissed for reasons of gayety.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
16-08-2005, 22:01:59
Does that make Tony Greig Jesus?

Beta1
16-08-2005, 22:45:40
I'm not sure I could believe in a god that willing used the word "nurdle" on national TV

alsieboo
16-08-2005, 22:47:26
thats a great word, I'm going to use it tomorrow, just going to slip it into conversation and see how it goes down

Christoph
16-08-2005, 23:02:37
WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEAN????

protein
16-08-2005, 23:50:41
A hyperdemic nurdle?

The Norks
17-08-2005, 00:39:09
who is Richie Benaud?

I would nominate Michael Palin- he's everything an English gentleman should be and still gorgeous in his sixties. I worship him!

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
17-08-2005, 00:41:39
"God" already has a sick sense of humor, and you want to replace him with an ex-Python?! :eek:

The Norks
17-08-2005, 00:48:25
he'd be poifect!
If MP were God, everyone would be wearing linen and drinking fine tea, bustling about crowded street markets and having polite chats with savvy locals. And instead of praying we would have to sing the lumberjack song. What could be better?

Funko
17-08-2005, 09:09:22
Not having a god?

Beta1
17-08-2005, 09:43:23
Originally posted by Christoph
WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEAN????

Its a way of describing a shot in cricket - one that wasn't really a proper stroke more a sort of guided push, often not quite the way the batsman intended.

"He nurdled the ball down to third man"

Eklektikos
17-08-2005, 13:38:18
It did allow him to avoid using any troublesome sibilants, though.

Alexander's Horse
17-08-2005, 15:43:38
Richie gets mercilessly sent up in Australia

i.e. greeting his wife: welcome to the kitchen for the first time this morning

Funko
17-08-2005, 16:04:50
I have heard that 12th Man tape.

Which suit should I wear today dear? The cream, the white the off white or the beige?

Funko
17-08-2005, 16:07:39
Niche to be here... in the kitchen... for the firsht time... today.

Nills Lagerbaak
17-08-2005, 16:09:46
Dominic Diamond for God!






Demonic Diamond for Devil!

Lazarus and the Gimp
17-08-2005, 19:52:36
Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
Richie gets mercilessly sent up in Australia

i.e. greeting his wife: welcome to the kitchen for the first time this morning

The quintessential Benaud moment-

The camera zoomed in on a fielder just he savagely picked at the ball's surface with his thumbnail- it was blatant ball-tampering. Most commentators would have tediously farted on about it in some pompously official manner, or (worse) made some feeble and snide joke about it.

Richaud just said "Steady on!". Typing it doesn't do it justice- the way he said it was clearly the manner of a decent man deeply shocked and saddened to his very core. That's why he's great. In an ocean of witless media bastards he is the epitome of "gentleman", and he's a credit to your nation.

Drekkus
17-08-2005, 21:56:09
So I reckon this person is a cricket commentator?

Beta1
17-08-2005, 22:01:05
http://www.channel4.com/sport/cricket/img/presenter_images/Benaud_Richie_128x162.jpg

Name: Richie Benaud, OBE

DoB: 6.10.1930

Known as: Richie, The great man, The voice of cricket


Position: Leader of the commentary team

Cricket CV: Leg-spinning all-rounder who captained Australia in 28 of his 63 Tests, never losing a series while in charge. Became the first Test player (in 1963) to complete the double of 200 wickets and 2,000 runs, ending his Test career with 248 wickets at 27.03 and 2,201 runs at 24.45. Represented New South Wales when not on international duty and remains one of only 10 Australians to have scored more than 10,000 runs and taken over 500 wickets in first-class cricket. Began his broadcasting career on BBC Radio in 1960 and then moved across to BBC Television three years later. Has been working for Australia's Channel 9 since 1977 and joined Channel 4 in 1999.

Career highlight: Being the forerunner of the dekstop icon revolution in the early 21st century, striking out in his own inimitable style courtesy of his 'Desktop Richie' creation on www.channel4.com. "Yes, Got 'im!"

Extraneous: Known for his sartorial elegance, devotion to the cult of cream jackets and his unique delivery style. Much mimicked, especially by Rory Bremner and Billy Birmingham (of 'The 12th Man' fame), but always with affection. Loves a drop of Shiraz, especially when chilling out with wife Daphne and friends at his European bolt hole in the south of France.

Most likely to say: Nothing at all, "Morning everyone", "What a marvellous catch", "Super shot that", "Two for twenty two", "Don't bother looking for that, let alone chasing it". "That's gone straight into the confectionery stall and out again".

Least likely to say: "That new no-ball law is working well", "Billy Birmingham, yesh, what a talent that man is".

Not to be confused with: Yoda



http://www.channel4.com/sport/cricket/tv/c4profile_rb.html

Alexander's Horse
17-08-2005, 23:09:15
Richie can't quite say 2 - it comes out as "tchoo".

"and now England are twenty tchoo for tchoo."

The Norks
17-08-2005, 23:31:37
ohhh now I know who he is

protein
17-08-2005, 23:52:34
Of all the people in the world to be god I would never have chosen him. I think Norks is bang on the button. All hail Palin!

Shining1
18-08-2005, 00:17:45
No I think Laz has got it right.

Any man who can convince a nation as interesting and fun as Australia that Test Cricket is the shiznitz is definitely god.

The Norks
18-08-2005, 01:52:58
rival gods! lets have a display of power!

Greg W
18-08-2005, 02:20:17
Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
"and now England are twenty tchoo for tchoo." No, Richie would say it properly:

"and now England are tchoo for twenty tchoo."

Lazarus and the Gimp
18-08-2005, 09:36:24
Originally posted by The Norks
rival gods! lets have a display of power!

Palin would immediately veer into one of his stock show-offs- comprising of some shouting and a reference to bottoms before falling over.

Benaud would respond with a perfectly judged pause of impeccable timing, and a "Marvellous display of power there.". And win.

protein
18-08-2005, 09:47:35
Benaud thinks cricket is entertainment. What kind of god would he be? A rubbish one. I'd want a god with humour and a sense of urgency, not one that can waste days watching men stand around in white suits doing nothing. I mean, cricket? What the fuck? Watching a supermarket fish counter is more entertaining. Sheesh. What a crap god.

Let's go crazy and have Quentin Tarantino for god. He'd fuck that Benaud guy up. He'd smite him. He'd smite him in the motherfucking face, bitch.

Funko
18-08-2005, 09:48:55
If we have to have a god I want one who sits around doing nothing all day.

Smiting and all that shit is definitely not what you want in a god.

protein
18-08-2005, 09:52:42
How boring. I like my gods god-like, not retired-old-fart-who-smells-of-cabbage-who's-had-a-stroke-and-nobody-noticed-like.

I want my gods with fifteen arms and two firebreathing heads not comfortable slippers and a colostomy bag.

Lazarus and the Gimp
18-08-2005, 09:54:12
Originally posted by Funko
If we have to have a god I want one who sits around doing nothing all day.



And occasionally saying something gently approving. In a cream suit.

Funko
18-08-2005, 09:54:32
Exactly. Boring gods not interfering in my daily life, especially not by breathing fire on me and burning me to a crisp.

Lazarus and the Gimp
18-08-2005, 09:55:33
Originally posted by protein
How boring. I like my gods god-like, not retired-old-fart-who-smells-of-cabbage-who's-had-a-stroke-and-nobody-noticed-like.

I want my gods with fifteen arms and two firebreathing heads not comfortable slippers and a colostomy bag.

You'd end up worshipping the thing I dreamt up for an exploitation movie and martial arts with freaks and cripples- King Twin Cocks.

protein
18-08-2005, 09:57:31
Bah. That's what we have already. If there is a god there's absolutely no evidence of the bastard. Hell to that. I want a golden finger to drop out of the sky and touch people occasionally. I want giant swarms of locusts to attack rapists. I want great chasms to open up in the road to swallow the occasional driver for no aparent reason. I want the sky to change colour and to evolve every now and then because god is bored.

Funko
18-08-2005, 09:59:03
"I want great chasms to open up in the road to swallow the occasional driver for no aparent reason."

That's because Lex Luthor tried to blow up the San Andreas fault to make part of California fall into the sea so he could make money on his property which would now be on the seafront.

Lazarus and the Gimp
18-08-2005, 11:29:40
Originally posted by protein
Bah. That's what we have already. If there is a god there's absolutely no evidence of the bastard.

Are daily broadcasts on Channel 4 not considered good enough?

Funko
18-08-2005, 11:32:17
What a shot! What... a... shot.

Alexander's Horse
18-08-2005, 11:56:20
if the rumours are true your God will soon be retiring to the South of France.

*End Is Forever*
18-08-2005, 12:33:44
This summer will be the last we'll hear of him over here. Channel 4 have lost the cricket rights and he isn't going to commentate for Sky.

Funko
18-08-2005, 12:35:17
So he'll have plenty of time to be God.

What a summer to go out on though, first interesting Cricket matches EVAH.

*End Is Forever*
18-08-2005, 12:38:00
I wonder if Channel 4 aren't secretly delighted that they're bowing out with probably the only series that's actually made them money.

Alexander's Horse
18-08-2005, 12:49:59
apparently God has a vineyard to retire to, which is rather biblical