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View Full Version : Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.


Lazarus and the Gimp
16-08-2005, 17:21:32
I'm building a patio. Any predictions on the outcome?

Beta1
16-08-2005, 17:23:49
should we alert the emergency services now?

Gramercy Riffs
16-08-2005, 17:24:35
I've never been to Bristol, but I imagine it looks like this.

http://www.patiodoorsecure.com/frontpic.jpg

Nills Lagerbaak
16-08-2005, 17:28:05
http://www.hotelcasamorisca.com/i/PATIO.jpg ?

Lazarus and the Gimp
16-08-2005, 17:28:11
That's the Bristol in Umbria, not the West Country.

Japher
16-08-2005, 17:33:35
3 dogs will die
1.6 pints of blood will be spilt
and 3 minor appendages will be lost

Gary
16-08-2005, 17:38:37
After a fair bit of cussing and shouting, "Ouch" you'll have a servicable patio area. Just so long as no one walks on it, that is.

Immortal Wombat
16-08-2005, 18:02:06
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I'm building a patio. Any predictions on the outcome?
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level garden stretches far away.

MDA
16-08-2005, 18:10:03
An aerial view.

Japher
16-08-2005, 18:11:17
needs a water feature

Venom
16-08-2005, 18:15:59
The project will be a great success......after it runs over budget by about 3 million dollars.

The Norks
16-08-2005, 18:32:54
you will have to be freed from the concrete by three firemen and you will break at least one toe. possibly all ten when you drop a flagstone.

Oh the calamity!

Lazarus and the Gimp
16-08-2005, 19:41:53
Current odds-

5/4 Paving slab dropped on foot, toe or finger
2/1 Fall in concrete.
3/1 Pave over some vitally important yet obscure public amenity, or small child.
5/1 Patio ends up resembling a scale model of the Alps
10/1 Fall into the cement mixer
20/1 The scalpings turn out to be a blend of depleted uranium and blue asbestos
50/1 It gets finished.

devilmunchkin
16-08-2005, 21:00:42
perhaps..
it will be a patio..like cider is to oerdin's scrumpy?

Greg W
17-08-2005, 02:18:21
I've built a patio before. Took me a year. Let's see if you can beat my record. ;)

Oh, end result - it was perfectly serviceable, and still is 5 years later. No subsiding or anything. And it actually looks pretty good too. No major injuries were sustained, and from memory, no minor ones either. The best part was using the diamond tipped saw to cut the pavers. Working with big saws = gud. :)

Koshko
17-08-2005, 02:42:46
Patio falls apart crushing everyone on it shortly after it's completed.

Chris
17-08-2005, 03:13:09
I predict we will read amusing tails of disaster at your expense.

Funko
17-08-2005, 09:10:47
I'm looking forward to the "how do I stop her swearing before her mother comes home" thread.

MoSe
17-08-2005, 09:13:55
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
That's the Bristol in Umbria, not the West Country.

Bristol in Umbria??
http://tinyurl.com/8zfan
There's a Bastia there, but not Bristol.
Do you have a villa in central Italy?

Gary
17-08-2005, 09:24:27
Cuesta de la Victoria, 9
18010 - Granada, Spain
Maybe not Italy :)

MoSe
17-08-2005, 09:39:32
Ah,L'Umbria!

Fergus & The Brazen Car
17-08-2005, 10:32:57
Self-built patios=

toejam or fingerpaste, produced with slab, brick, hammer or wood.

My advice ? Get the missus to do it, and alphabetize your albums or visit Boscastle instead.

Lazarus and the Gimp
17-08-2005, 19:56:30
Originally posted by MoSe
Bristol in Umbria??
http://tinyurl.com/8zfan
There's a Bastia there, but not Bristol.
Do you have a villa in central Italy?

I was feebly taking the piss.

Lazarus and the Gimp
17-08-2005, 19:57:33
Originally posted by Fergus & The Brazen Car

My advice ? Get the missus to do it, and alphabetize your albums or visit Boscastle instead.

When Boscastle flooded, I was just a few miles up the coast. In a tent. That was a scary night.

Gary
17-08-2005, 20:08:45
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I was feebly taking a piss. Get that prostate looked at !

Lazarus and the Gimp
17-08-2005, 20:14:13
Nope. The view's nothing to write home about, so I'll settle for The Finger.

The prostate is a great leveller.

Provost Harrison
17-08-2005, 20:33:54
Looking to bury someone annoying under it in a Fred West style? If not, remember, this is your big chance to do so ;)