View Full Version : 'Hannibal Lecter crossed with a Teletubby'

Resource Consumer
05-08-2005, 11:45:51
I have to say I hate the theatre but sometimes theatre reviews are amusing. "The Man in the Iron Mask" is due to close in the West End after some of the worst reviews ever. Apparently, the words and music were written by an aerospace engineer. Nothing wrong with that I suppose but you wouldn't get me flying in a plane designed by Noel Gallagher or even Mozart.


05-08-2005, 11:47:17

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Resource Consumer
05-08-2005, 11:55:31
works for me - alternatively, follow the link from here


Fergus & The Brazen Car
05-08-2005, 11:55:57
"What's history?" Alexandre Dumas once asked, and responded: "A nail on which I hang my novels." Yet even Dumas's famous economy with the historiographical actualité is nothing compared with the liberties taken with his work by this woeful new musical. Allegedly based on an "original idea" by composer/lyricist John Robinson, it's a dirge for a meagre three actors with nary a musketeer or Sun King in sight.

Behind this particular bit of iron there is nothing so fascinating as a riddle or an enigma. What we have instead, in a completely context-free setting, are the Gypsy, the Prisoner and the Jailer, who play out a passion-free ménage à trois in the masked prisoner's gilded cell. The only sign that anyone in the theatre, onstage or otherwise, still had a pulse was when Sheila Ferguson (the gypsy) was wolf-whistled on her first entrance some minutes into the funereal action.

Strangely, Lords Byron and Tennyson make belated bids for Olivier Awards here, supplying the lyrics to two of the 21 seemingly identical songs. That someone incarcerated in 1669 should be reading books of poetry not written until the 19th century is one of many inconsistencies and contradictions in the risible script. Lines - "Hate like this could only come from love" is a taster - appear to have been assembled with the help of a compendium of banality.

Absolutely all expense has been spared on the skimpy set for Tony Craven's wretchedly overamplified production and the actors seem to have decided to conserve energy by expressing no emotion whatsoever in speech or song, even when a number has the alarming title of Antiphonal Madness.

In a supposedly erotic dance, Ferguson wafts her skirt as if she is measuring up for curtains and talks of love and passion as though checking off a shopping list. Robert Fardell (the prisoner) is reduced to communicating through a knobbly, Darth Vader-type helmet. Mark McKerracher's jailer employs an accent that veers uncertainly between Dutch and Danish.

Anyone who pays £43.50 for a ticket to this embarrassment deserves to be locked up for a very long time.


Sounds faabbbbeellllhhhaaaafffttttt, darlinks.

Resource Consumer
05-08-2005, 11:56:33

05-08-2005, 12:02:07
also the author of books such as Structural Matrix Analysis for the Engineer and Integrated Theory of Finite Element Methods.

I hate to jump to geek stereotypes and conclusions but one would imagine that if he writes books that increadibly boring and complex I find it hard to believe he's any good at writing music.

He doesn't seem like an emotional dreamer type.

05-08-2005, 12:08:07
You've read them?

(if not how do you know they are boring?)

Nills Lagerbaak
05-08-2005, 12:09:33
Oh dear, to be a pioneering scientist you have to be exactly that, an emotional dreamer type person.

Although this guy's not necessarily pioneering...

05-08-2005, 12:12:00
To be fair, he's an engineer not a scientist so Rob is probably totally right. :)

05-08-2005, 12:12:30
You know what I'm getting at. Some people are differently abled. I can't imagime John Lennon writing a long and terribly boring paper on complex scientific theory and I can't imagine Stephen Hawkings lighting up a bifta and coming up with the next Smoke on the Water.

Nills Lagerbaak
05-08-2005, 12:14:35
What?! Do I have to reefer (sic) you to www.mchawking.com ??

No, I do get what you mean. I'm sure MC Hawking couldlight up a bifta and have a moment of inspiration, but then there'd be months of "sober" work making it fit into the structure of Physics.

Music is easy in comparions:)

05-08-2005, 12:15:10
Yeah, well you try rolling a bifta if you can't move your arms.

05-08-2005, 12:16:46
It would appear the title was the highlight of this thread.

05-08-2005, 12:19:15
As is so often the case

05-08-2005, 12:21:06
Yes...yes it is.

Resource Consumer
05-08-2005, 12:25:51
we aim to please

05-08-2005, 12:31:53
And as always, fail completely.

05-08-2005, 12:32:50
Is it better than failing to aim?

Resource Consumer
05-08-2005, 12:34:46
So we drag another thread into the toilet

05-08-2005, 12:37:52
It would be an improvement.

Resource Consumer
05-08-2005, 12:40:43
mission accomplished

05-08-2005, 12:53:52
As always.

05-08-2005, 12:55:19

Provost Harrison
08-08-2005, 11:45:18
He had previously written a musical version of A Tale of Two Cities and is also the author of books such as Structural Matrix Analysis for the Engineer and Integrated Theory of Finite Element Methods.

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see the latter two made into musicals :D

08-08-2005, 11:51:49
Originally posted by zmama
doooooo at least someone who talks my language