View Full Version : Cruel but funny

29-07-2005, 13:33:05
from today's popbitch.

(FYI: Beauty salons across Britain are reporting a drop in profits... now that the Metropolitan Police are doing Brazilians for nothing...)

29-07-2005, 13:35:10
:( you have to subscribe

Still interesting quote - thought it was a head shot though

29-07-2005, 13:36:19
click here to buy a classified ad? :hmm:

29-07-2005, 13:38:05
sorry its not an article but a weekly email, have removed link to stop any more confusion.

29-07-2005, 13:39:32
Ah ha ! You are a pop bitch

Now I understand

29-07-2005, 13:47:44
"The man holding the rucksack looked extremely
dismayed." - eyewitness to suicide bomber.
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 28.07.05 ISSUE 266
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Get down (on me), Shep!
* Reasons not to be cheerful
* Charts: James Blunt is number one

>> Does my bomb look big in this? <<
Watch out fatties, it's a war-zone...

A man was surrounded by police and arrested
while walking by the Department of
Health in Westminster this week. The
gun-toting coppers were suspicious
of his bulky appearance under a big jacket.

He was taken to a police station to be
searched where it was found that he was
wearing no explosives. He was just
extremely fat.

(FYI: Beauty salons across Britain are reporting a
drop in profits... now that the Metropolitan Police
are doing Brazilians for nothing...)

Taja Sevelle, singer of mellow classic Love Is
Contagious, has reinvented herself as a designer of
kitchen gadgets and will unveil her latest on QVC.

>> The director always hammers twice <<
Val Kilmer comes to London, drinks a bit.

The Postman Always Rings Twice is one of
London's most popular stage shows, thanks
to the performance of Val Kilmer.

But Val isn't really enjoying his time in
the West End. A recent performance
ran late because Val locked himself in
his dressing room. One of the producers
had to break down the door to persuade
the star to come out, as the once-chiselled
Top Gun star is now depressed, getting fat
and drinking heavily.

A man in Tokyo was been hurling acid on the arses of
women wearing jeans because he said "It really
turned me on to see a butt in a pair of jeans."

>> Nanny state update <<
Hunks to be banned from booze ads?

While Iraq debates a new constitution that
women's groups say will reduce their rights
and take society back to the middle ages,
the UK bureaucrats are trying to convince British
women to stop getting so drunk.

Drinks companies have been ordered to use uglier
men in their advertising campaigns. The
Advertising Standards Authority believes
"balding" and "paunchy" men would be less likely
to encourage women to drink to achieve social

Should be more lucrative Bacardi Breezer
commercials in the pipeline for Vinnie Jones,
then. (Or for Val Kilmer...)

Delta Goodrem and Brian McFaddeen spotted last week
at Enoteca restaurant in Melbourne being greeted with
shouts of “Delta we love you and your fat boyfriend”.

>> Reasons to be fearful <<
Ecstacy bombers! Forked penises! Ricky Martin!

Stop fretting about the man next to you on the
tube with the rucksack - here are some fresh
alternative things to fill you with terror.

1. Rich Saudis have been buying up ecstasy in
London, and smuggling it back to the Middle
East. Rumour has it that the pills are given to
suicide bombers. So not only are they killing
people... they're enjoying themselves at
the same time! That doesn't seem fair.

2. Your mobile phones is melting your eyes.
Although the effect on your brain is minimal,
Israeli scientists have discovered that the
radiation from your phone may make
bubbles appear in the lenses of your eyes. Great.

3. Koalas, iguanas, and Komodo Dragons all have
forked penises. Actually, that's only really
scary if one of them is having sex with you.

4. Osama Bin Laden is trying to poison your
cocaine. Is nothing sacred these days?

5. Ricky Martin is getting into Middle East
Politics. "I will defend you and try to get
rid of any stereotypes," he told Arab teenagers
recently. "I come from Latin America and to some
countries, we are considered losers or
drug traffickers."

The proper name for a whale's penis is a dork.

>> Big Question <<
What people are asking this week

Which controversial member of President Bush's
inner circle has set tongues wagging in rich
gay New York circles that he is a closeted
member of the gays?

Which Brit rapper bought himself a night
with a high-class hooker this week?
And she's about to sell her story to
the tabloids.

Love You Honey, an Australian racehorse, tested
positive for cocaine after coming last in a race.

>> Legal Dangerwank <<
Even posh blokes like a hand-shandy

Mr_concrete writes:
"Was told by a colleague today how he was once
given the job of showing famous barrister
and media pundit Anthony Scrivener QC into a
remote TV studio around the back of a provincial
radio station so he could take part in a discussion
on Newsnight.

"Hmmmm" says the brief, as he enters the
cupboard-like room, "Sort of place you could
have a wank, isn't it?"

A parrot got into trouble in an animal sanctuary
in Nuneaton by telling policemen, "You can fuck
off you two wankers".

>> "Ruff" sex <<
Blind man makes love to guide dog

A blind man in Tallahassee, Florida has been
having sex with his guide dog. Alan Yoder, 29,
has been is charged with a "breach of the peace,
by engaging in sexual activity with a guide
dog," as Florida laws don't prohibit bestiality.
He was found out when he asked a female friend
to join him in a threesome with his dog. She
prudishly refused, and instead told a
friend who called the police.

Mel Blanc, the voice of Bugs Bunny who was allergic
to carrots, is buried in the Hollywood Forever
Cemetery, LA. His gravestone says "That's All, Folks!"

>> She's Outta Love? <<
What's gone wrong for Anastacia

Is it all over for Anastacia?
Chart success in UK is fading, with the
same happening in her biggest market,
Germany. Her tour there has bombed. For an
artist who has sold over 15million albums
it doesn't look good that she hasn't sold
even 400,000 tickets on her first and
European tour. And for her shows in UK she's
been too scared to stay here because of
terrorist attacks so stays in Dublin and flies
in and out of UK on her private jet. Boo.

Keanu Reeves, spotted in The Cow pub London, having
a chat with staff about varieties of oysters.

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Kelly, Frank, weirdos and Belinda

Brilliantly creepy video

Popbitch's new favourite music star:

Bootleg of the year! Kelly Clarkson's
wonderful Max Martin penned "Since You've Been
Gone" mashed up with ex-Pixie Frank Black's
"You ain't me":

Are you Billy No-mates? Find what your friends
are up to using buddyPing. It lets you know
where they are and what they are up to on
your mobile when you are out and about:

Discreet Deliveries summer sale. Sex toys,
kinky clothing, porno mags and more.
Type "popbitch" into the comments field at the
checkout and get 10% off:

29-07-2005, 13:48:46
popbitch is well worth signing up to. my manager has apparently contributed.

30-07-2005, 18:51:06
Your manager? I thought you were self employed.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
31-07-2005, 02:12:06
He likes to talk about himself in the pseudo-third-person

31-07-2005, 13:03:43
Originally posted by Spartak
Your manager? I thought you were self employed.
Our band manager. I'm still unemployed by status.