PDA

View Full Version : Why today sucked


Lazarus and the Gimp
14-06-2005, 21:26:03
1- The bloke on the desk next to me was seriously stinky. In fact, let's be precise. He stunk like he'd been shagging all night and had skipped a shower before jogging in to work. It was those sort of smells.
What made it worse was that, being in a professional workplace, I couldn't handle matters as I would under normal circumstances- yelling "JESUS CHRIST! I CAN SMELL YOUR KNACKERS FROM TEN FEET AWAY, YOU DIRTY FUCKER!". I tried keeping my coffee under my nose, but that made my glasses steam up and left me looking a bit of a prick. So I ended up having to go across the road to my training site, and phone his manager so that she could educate him in basic bodily hygiene.

2- A senior manager has burned out, and wants to move to another job. HR asked him what job he'd like. It turned out he wanted a specialist project-based training management job. My job, in other words. So from Monday, I'm being shunted into Account Management. It's technically a promotion, but not to the extent of paying me any more, and I've no desire to be an Account Manager. It's all grovelling and brown-nosing corporate customers, and I have too much barely-suppressed rage to be safe in such a role.

3- I had to go to a Parent's Evening, and in front of a hall full of 200 parents and teachers, I fell over a chair.

4- While washing-up, I dropped a fork and it went into my foot like a fucking harpoon. Ow. Ow. Bleed. Ow.

Sympathy now, or I'll kill you in your beds.

mr.G
14-06-2005, 21:27:49
Did you had hot dogs for lunch?

Lazarus and the Gimp
14-06-2005, 21:29:31
No, but the bloke in point one had clearly had a dog for breakfast. She might have been hot.

mr.G
14-06-2005, 21:31:43
1. kill the guy
2. kill the guy
3. :lol: bad chair bad bad chair did you kick it afterwards?
4. gravity sucks, damn that newton .

Lurker the Second
14-06-2005, 21:33:01
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
No.

Therein lies your problem. All that other stuff is trivial.

mr.G
14-06-2005, 21:34:14
:lol: that will cheer him up
Lurker is a good helper good good helper

Venom
14-06-2005, 21:46:37
In the race between you and Red to the grave, you'be just pulled even.

Lurker the Second
14-06-2005, 21:54:06
I can't help but think that with regard to point 1, Laz is just jealous.

The Norks
14-06-2005, 22:47:48
yes- isnt his lady still all sewn up? he must be overflowing with manly juices by now. :nervous:

also, tripping over a chair and stabbing your self with utensils are surely just par for the course laz?

which really leaves us with- how on earth can you smell if someone has been shagging? and can they just change your job without asking you?

*strokes Laz*

Drekkus
14-06-2005, 23:06:06
I once casually mentioned to my boss how one of the secretaries smelled sort of funny, in a bad way, at times. Two weeks later she was fired. Feel sort of bad about it, even though I heard that she "didn't function properly". Her replacement is a really nice, fresh smelling girl though.

BigGameHunter
14-06-2005, 23:10:13
My God...if smell was a prerequisite in my workplace, half my team would be gone!

Sounds like you're in "black cloud" mode. I'd sit in the yard and drink slowly but steadily for a week or so.

protein
14-06-2005, 23:30:41
Originally posted by The Norks

how on earth can you smell if someone has been shagging?

Originally posted by The Norks
he must be overflowing with manly juices by now.

Provost Harrison
14-06-2005, 23:36:34
First DIY conspired against Laz, now cutlery has joined in too...poor Laz :(

I hate smelly people. Don't these bastards realise that other people have to live with them and their fucking stench?!

Chris
15-06-2005, 03:51:44
Ha-hah.

http://www.jrj-socrates.com/Cartoon%20Pics/Fox/Simpsons/Nelson_Muntz_300.gif

Cruddy
15-06-2005, 03:56:25
1. To avoid this in future, carry a set of noseplugs.

2. That's REALLY, REALLY bad. I would never even be considered for such a position, unless the boss really wanted to lose an account.

3. Just bad luck mate. And look on the bright side, people got a laugh at out it.

It could have been much worse, your trouser belt could have given at the wrong moment - then you'd REALLY feel small.

4. Always wear steel toes caps boots when doing household chores. It saves so much physical injury.

Oerdin
15-06-2005, 04:04:42
It isn't nice to rat out other people unless they're repeatedly having the same problem. You could have just ruined that guys career because he did unexpectedly well on a date last night and got to shag her until the morning light.

Funko
15-06-2005, 09:23:18
Did you swear obscenely when you tripped over the chair? In my mental picture of the incident you did. :lol:

I mean :sympathy:

Tizzy
15-06-2005, 13:21:31
Originally posted by Drekkus
I once casually mentioned to my boss how one of the secretaries smelled sort of funny, in a bad way, at times. Two weeks later she was fired. Feel sort of bad about it, even though I heard that she "didn't function properly". Her replacement is a really nice, fresh smelling girl though.

Bitch cowie from hell that I used to rant about around 3 years ago smelled bad.
All the time, evil smells.

I was in charge of buying her leaving present and bought a gift box thingy of bath foams and shower gels and stuff.

Oh how everyone sniggered.

Venom
15-06-2005, 13:55:57
I smell.

Lurker the Second
15-06-2005, 14:41:55
Smelling attracts flies. Flies attract toads. Toads taste great -- kinda like chicken.

Venom
15-06-2005, 14:52:20
It's the Circle of Smell.

MoSe
15-06-2005, 15:23:18
Smellzapoppin'

Lazarus and the Gimp
15-06-2005, 17:29:26
Originally posted by Oerdin
It isn't nice to rat out other people unless they're repeatedly having the same problem. You could have just ruined that guys career

Cool!

Oerdin
15-06-2005, 17:55:08
Spoken like an old geezer.