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Funko
17-05-2005, 10:01:12
I have just started reading the real ultimate power (http://www.realultimatepower.net/) book.

It's a moving tale of the world as seen through the eyes of a slightly obnoxious teen, Robert Hamburger.

The narrative of the story comes disguised within the book which is ostensibly a guide to the world of real ninjas, as it attempts to correct some misconceptions you might have about fake ninjas as portrayed by the Japanese nobles in a bid to slander them.

Tales of how totally sweet ninjas are give us insights into Robert's troubled life. Ninjas kill people for various reasons including pretending to like someone and then not speaking to them any more. They wail on guitars like the one Robert's step dad offered to buy him if he ran away from home. One of their greatest enemies are Moms - who use the menopause as a weapon and tell their kids not to get too close unless they catch it.

As well as the problems within the home Robert also has the normal adolescent fixation with sex. Ninjas are always 'popping boners' sometimes millions at a time, and they can have sex with any woman they want. Fantasies that clearly reflect Robert's growing sexual desires and his confusion over women, again relating to his mother but also his female dog who he has a rather unhealthy relationship with.

Ninjas are totally sweet, awesome and totally flip out and kill people all the time. All the things that Robert isn't and can't do to express his frustration with the world. His only companion on this troubled journey, other than his dog, is his babysitter John who was fired from his real job for going into a store and asking the staff to change his daiper before revealing he'd popped a massive boner.

In summary, if you want to get totally pumped, buy this book.

MDA
17-05-2005, 12:34:48
Been reading the customer reviews on Amazon? :)

Yeah, me too. :nervous:

Funko
17-05-2005, 13:27:08
Nope!

Have those bastards already stolen my idea? :cry:

King_Ghidra
17-05-2005, 13:44:57
the amazon reviews are pretty much like re-reading the website

Funko
17-05-2005, 13:45:52
Bah. The Americans are much more intelligent reviewers on their Amazon than the .co.uk reviewers.

Ok, I've edited my review to make it less shit and submitted it to Amazon.co.uk

MDA
17-05-2005, 14:49:19
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
the amazon reviews are pretty much like re-reading the website

That's true, but I'm not finding it to be a problem. :)

King_Ghidra
17-05-2005, 15:31:03
quite :D

Nills Lagerbaak
17-05-2005, 16:17:12
Funko. Do you really want to read a book about sexually frustrated teenagers "popping boners" or an actual book about Ninjas?

Venom
17-05-2005, 16:33:24
There's a real ultimate power book?

Funko
17-05-2005, 16:33:51
Huh?

Funko
17-05-2005, 16:34:21
x-post.

The huh was for Nills.

Venom - yes.

Lurker the Second
17-05-2005, 16:40:05
No wonder there's been no new material on the website.

Venom
17-05-2005, 18:02:42
That is awesome. I'm going to buy 5 copies.

Can you still buy t-shirts?

The Norks
17-05-2005, 19:56:53
sounds like Bridget Jones for men

Lurker the Second
19-05-2005, 15:56:45
I wanted to get a t-shirt before going to London, but was too lazy and put it off until it was too late.

King_Ghidra
19-05-2005, 16:33:29
too busy popping boners i bet

Lurker the Second
19-05-2005, 18:47:02
That and wailing.