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Greg W
14-05-2005, 13:38:17
You go see your mother for Mother's day. She and dad divorced, oh, 18 years ago or so, as dad was fucking one of her best friends (one reason that I haven't sopken to dad in years). Aaaaanyway. She lets slip that just when she got pregnant with me, she was wandering through a shopping center and spied one of my father's ex's. Who was wandering around with a pram, with a little boy that looked the spitting image of my dad.

Turns out the girl wasn't sure if dad was the father or not, it was either him or another bloke.

So. 33 years of my life, nobody ever bothers to tell me that I may very well have a half brother. And my mother gets shocked when I sit there, jaw flapping in the breeze, totally stunned. "Oh, I never realised what impact that might have on you."

Of course my dad, useless piece of shit that he is, never told me, and never even checked up on the girl from what mum knows. About the only person that might know who the mother was, other than my dad, is one of my uncles.

So...

Do I try and track the mother down, and thus the son? Do I have the right to try and discover if I do indeed have a half brother out there? Do I have the right to thrust this upon them, having no idea what she told her son, what he believes, or anything? Do I have the right to open 34+ year old old wounds?

I'm struggling with this one, it's a toughie...

DaShi
14-05-2005, 13:53:14
He might be rich, so do it.

zmama
14-05-2005, 14:15:52
Umm as tempting as it may seem.
No...
oh you have a right to know, but

JM^3
14-05-2005, 14:17:42
why?

if he had nothing to do with your father (who you don't have anything to do with either) than what is the point?

it is like he (or you) were adopted

what is the point?

there is no family there, it is not as if he even knows who his dad is (likely)

Jon Miller

JM^3
14-05-2005, 14:18:56
if both he and you knew you had the same fathers.. and your father was important to you

than it would be a different story

Jon Miller

Greg W
14-05-2005, 14:20:41
Why does the fact that I dislike my father have anything to do with it?

Greg W
14-05-2005, 14:21:04
Originally posted by zmama
Umm as tempting as it may seem.
No...
oh you have a right to know, but Curious as to why not? For the reasons I mentioned above?

zmama
14-05-2005, 14:21:58
Yep...nice to satsify your own curiosity but it could wreck someone elses life

Greg W
14-05-2005, 14:22:59
Oh, and also - doens't my half brother have a right to know that he has two half brothers? What if he's curious, like me?

And it could very well also make someone else'e life. For that very reason. Maybe he'd like to know.

Damn this is a tough one...

JM^3
14-05-2005, 14:58:10
no it isn't..

if you were involved with yout father, and he was, there would be a connection

but here isn't, so it would be pain, and maybe a wreck...

I know that of my adopted siblings

one was interested in looking up her siblings, she still knew her biological grandmother and like and wasn't completely cut off

my other two adopted siblings wanted to be cutoff, they didn't make any effort to maintain ties with any biological relatives, and I beleive when one came arround looking did not appreciate

biological is meaningless, if there is no emotional

you are trying to live in some fantasy of your youth

JM

Kitsuki
14-05-2005, 15:02:47
I say why not? I doubt you could "wreck" the life of your half-brother... Surely at worst you meet up, you don't get along and you don't see each other again and at best you have a new relation you like?

That said, ball seems to be in your court.

Greg W
14-05-2005, 15:03:09
Originally posted by JM^3
you are trying to live in some fantasy of your youth:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Man, you crack me up...

Put it this way - if he looked me up and I never had any idea - would I be anything other than happy - no. Everyone's different dude. And adoption is very different from this case. I can see your point to an extent however. Well, other than the fantasy of my youth crap. It might be very painful for him. Then again, it might not too.

Greg W
14-05-2005, 15:05:40
Oh, any by the way, if I were ever to conatct him, it'd be through the mother. I'd need to know what she told him first and foremost. And I'd probably ask her to clear it with him first. I'd not go about finding out her name, searching births, deaths and marriages to find out his name, and then call him out of the blue. I'm not a complete moron. Emphasis on the complete part there.

The Norks
15-05-2005, 02:07:55
I think there's nothing wrong with making some discreet enquiries. Birth records must be public in Oz like they are here, so perhaps if you can track down his name, you can see who the father is entered as on the birth certificate. I'd be very careful about talking to the mother because she may well find it incredibly insulting if your father is not the guy who got her pregnant, and it could stir up some real shit in her relationships. She might deny it even if its true.

BUT just because your mother thought this kid looked like you is a bit tenuous, especially if she was suspicious due to your fathers behaviour. Babies all look the same.

Oerdin
15-05-2005, 02:14:21
I'd do it. The truth should be known.

protein
15-05-2005, 02:16:34
You have the right to know. You also have the right to have nothing in common with this stranger and to let them live their own life.

The Norks
15-05-2005, 02:38:33
why should the truth be known? It could hurt a lot of people unecessarily. It could devastate a whole family. I don't think Greg has any rights here, maybe some wants, but not rights. WHich is why I suggest playing it cool and seeing how the land lies before you turn up at someone's house asking who the father of their child is. Presumably if it was his dad and anyone wanted that known, it would already be known, so we can assume that if he is the dad and its not known, there's a fairly solid reason why.

DaShi
15-05-2005, 04:12:18
I agree with the norks. He should definitely do it.

Greg W
15-05-2005, 04:24:06
Yeah, like he didn't own up to his mistakes.

It was a very different time back then.

Lazarus and the Gimp
15-05-2005, 08:23:45
Greg- I've gone through something similar, though admittedly I acquired a new cousin rather than a new brother so it's not so close to home. I'd definitely suggest that if you want to make contact, do so through the mother and let her decide how to play it.

The Norks
15-05-2005, 15:02:25
well if he didnt own up to his mistakes Greg, you can probably assume the mother didnt either, and she may well be married with a new family who are blissfully unaware of your existence or your fathers. And what if you're wrong? You may still cause trouble because you will cast a shadow of suspicion. I don't see how you can contact this woman in a way that will NOT cause trouble really, even if its just upsetting her. SHE might not even know who daddy is, or she may not have told your dad because she didnt want him knowing. Laz is right tho, if you have to do it, do it thru her, but do your research first, maybe stalk the guy and see if he still looks like you.

My God man, have you never seen a Mike Leigh film?!!

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 15:03:15
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
I acquired a new cousin

So did I, about 2 years ago.

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 15:03:41
Then again, I've already got over 50 first cousins, so it wasn't that big a deal to me.

JM^3
15-05-2005, 16:03:36
yeah.. I get new cousins all the time

and I don't talk to the ones I have (I do like once a decade, maybe) (I am not sure if I remember all their names), so why would I care about having any more?

Jon Miller
(I think my number of first cousins is a lot less than 50 though)

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 16:08:59
You get new cousins all the time? First cousins?

I'm not talking about your cousins having kids; I'm talking about the discovery that my uncle had a kid when he was 19 who is now ~30...

JM^3
15-05-2005, 16:10:31
hmm.. well I refered to my aunt and uncle having a kid...

Jon Miller

JM^3
15-05-2005, 16:11:04
(that was like 4 years ago... so not all the time, but it still happens)

Jon Miller

mr.G
15-05-2005, 16:26:48
Greg, what a story, and a delicate problem you have there.
The only one who feels what it is right or not is one CG'er down under.

JM^3
15-05-2005, 16:30:36
a lto of us feel it is right or not..

I don't understand your post
Jon Miller

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 16:43:58
I think he means greg should decide for himself.

JM^3
15-05-2005, 16:45:05
*I know that is what he meant.. I was just trying to tell him that he didn't say that

Jon Miller

mr.G
15-05-2005, 16:50:07
hey Jon, i am drunk

JM^3
15-05-2005, 16:51:54
that is good

I hvaen't been drunk in while...

(I keep forgetting that I need more than 8 drinks... usually)

Jon Miller

mr.G
15-05-2005, 16:53:07
:lol:

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 16:57:14
(I keep forgetting that I need more than 8 drinks... usually)

Depends how fast you down them. I can drink 20 drinks in 5 hours and still be able to keep my feet, but if I down 8 drinks in one hour I'll puke my guts up and black out.

JM^3
15-05-2005, 16:58:56
that is true..

I don't (didn't?) even feel 3 drinks in one hour.. I don't know how it scales

Jon Miller

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 17:01:53
3 drinks in one hour and I get a very mild fuzziness around my head.

5 in one hour and I'm really starting to rock.

It has to do with more than just the blood alcohol level, IMO, since you only process 1 drink an hour, yet if I drink 6 drinks in 2 hours I am much less drunk than if I drink 5 drinks in one hour.

JM^3
15-05-2005, 17:03:45
now I want to drink (I have wanted to drink fro a while.. but have had stuff I wanted to do so never got dunk)

Jon Miller

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 17:04:41
:lol:

mr.G
15-05-2005, 17:05:40
Yep, cought a ver high ticket ( 480 euros) with 3 beers in 10 minutes.
never ever did the drink-drive thing again

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 17:14:08
I let myself have at least an hour on 3 beers.

Were they big beers (full pints)?

3 bottles shouldn't have sent you over unless they were pretty strong (6+% or so)

JM^3
15-05-2005, 17:20:37
10 minutes?

an hour on 3 drinks is what I have done in the past...

Jon Miller

mr.G
15-05-2005, 17:23:06
no, the dutch dwarf beers, 3 in 10 minutes, next corner did the police alcohol test.

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 17:26:58
One thing to make sure of if you're going to have to blow a breathalyzer test is to make sure to spit out any of the saliva in your mouth that might contain traces of booze. Best to wash your mouth out with water immediately before blowing.

If you have any alcohol in your mouth then you're going to blow a falsely high reading. It's supposed to measure alcohol which dissolves into your breath inside the lungs. It doesn't take into account the fact that leftover booze in your mouth will also vapourise and add to your score.

JM^3
15-05-2005, 17:28:38
beter to just not drink and drive..

M

KrazyHorse@home
15-05-2005, 17:30:46
Yes, I agree. I'm overly cautious when it comes to that, actually.

Just pointing out that if you're marginal you should give yourself as fair a chance as possible of coming in under.

mr.G
15-05-2005, 17:54:18
never ever did that again,
so a good spent 480 after all

Greg W
16-05-2005, 01:14:51
Stop hijacking my thread, dfammit! :p

Funko
16-05-2005, 09:56:09
Originally posted by mr.G
never ever did that again,
so a good spent 480 after all

Yep. :beer: