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Lazarus and the Gimp
02-05-2005, 19:46:51
Right- this is getting boring. Any suggestions?

Sink plunger?

Venom
02-05-2005, 19:58:02
Hot air ballon flight with a nice glass of Misoprostol.

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 19:58:34
Punch to the kidneys.

The Bursar
02-05-2005, 19:58:51
Apparently my birth was induced by a really hot curry.

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 19:59:21
Metamucil?

protein
02-05-2005, 20:04:11
Knitting needle?

protein
02-05-2005, 20:04:32
vacuum cleaner?

protein
02-05-2005, 20:04:53
a specially trained hamster with a grappling hook?

protein
02-05-2005, 20:05:43
a trip to the fairground?

alsieboo
02-05-2005, 20:07:40
I think I remember my mum saying something about fireworks inducing one of us

Christoph
02-05-2005, 20:10:19
Originally posted by The Bursar
Apparently my birth was induced by a really hot curry.

:lol:

Lazarus and the Gimp
02-05-2005, 20:30:57
I saw a cow give birth today. It was standing around looking dead casual, with a great tattered mass of shredded amniotic sac, blood and gunge hanging out of its read end. A wobbly calf at its feet.

Asher
02-05-2005, 20:33:27
Kick her in the stomach.

Lazarus and the Gimp
02-05-2005, 20:37:56
Be sensible. She'd batter me to death.

Spartak
02-05-2005, 20:40:35
Try sex.

Any long flights of stairs anywhere?

MDA
02-05-2005, 20:42:49
You missed the part where the cow turns around and eats the placenta!

Most fascinating yet disgusting thing I'd ever seen prior to tubgirl.

MDA
02-05-2005, 20:45:01
Long walks, hot shower directed at the lower back (too early for that to work, probably)

I'll second the stairs, provided Spartak didn't mean pushing her down them.

Japher
02-05-2005, 20:56:18
I heard sex too

or

scaring her

or was that for the hicups?

Drekkus
02-05-2005, 21:01:05
They have pills for that, but I'll be damned if I know what their name is.

Cruddy
02-05-2005, 21:03:00
Mousaka. In fact, any kind of casserole involving lots of aubergines.

But mousaka works. Damn, where's Paiktis when you need a recipe...

Japher
02-05-2005, 21:04:24
probably playing with his teeth

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
02-05-2005, 21:49:21
http://www.pregnancy-place.com/The_History_of_Childbirth_Ouch.html

Another record of birthing superstitions was that women were whipped to induce labor. There is record of a tale of one birthing experience where a medieval German Empress had 20 men whipped just outside of her labor room; coincidentally, she did in fact have a successful labor!

Gibsie
02-05-2005, 21:52:36
I've heard a punch in the stomch works wonders.

Provost Harrison
02-05-2005, 22:09:42
Burst a blown-up crisp packet behind her when she isn't aware ;)

MOBIUS
02-05-2005, 22:27:46
Force her to read Poly threads

self biased
02-05-2005, 23:03:49
we want to induce labor, not turn the foetus into one of them.

zmama
02-05-2005, 23:07:15
Originally posted by The Bursar
Apparently my birth was induced by a really hot curry.

Mad Squirrel's too :lol:

zmama
02-05-2005, 23:10:21
But I like Qaj's best. Nothing like a big bunch of German men being whipped :D

rrrrrrrrrrwar!

Japher
02-05-2005, 23:15:00
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar, Beaver!

Greg W
03-05-2005, 00:02:56
I was induced by my mum raking leaves...

sleeping_satsuma
03-05-2005, 00:23:10
raspberry leaf tea. fact.

MOBIUS
03-05-2005, 00:36:25
FACT thread!:rolleyes:

Greg W
03-05-2005, 02:07:48
MOBIUS is a nob - FACT!

MOBIUS
03-05-2005, 02:15:45
FACT thread! FACT!

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
03-05-2005, 03:24:05
Originally posted by zmama
But I like Qaj's best. Nothing like a big bunch of German men being whipped :D

rrrrrrrrrrwar!

It didn't specify they had to be German men. They might have been Dutch for all we know.

zmama
03-05-2005, 03:25:37
That works for me too :)

Lazarus and the Gimp
03-05-2005, 08:05:02
Apparantly rubbing the nipples can do it, but it has to be done for several hours. Any volunteers?

Greg W
03-05-2005, 08:07:37
Nobody, and I mean NOBODY wants ro rub your nipples for hours.

mr.G
03-05-2005, 08:08:44
I will, using just my steel gloves.

Immortal Wombat
03-05-2005, 08:12:01
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Apparantly rubbing the nipples can do it, but it has to be done for several hours.
-> Gramophone.

Spartak
03-05-2005, 08:21:10
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
raspberry leaf tea. fact. I forgot this one. Its a good idea too - and tasty.

The best way is to have had pre-eclemsia the last time round so the Consultant insists on inducing you early.

BigGameHunter
05-05-2005, 21:15:44
We managed to do it by going out to a nice breakfast. Well, it was going to be a nice breakfast.

Japher
05-05-2005, 21:17:09
kids ruin everything

sleeping_satsuma
05-05-2005, 21:48:41
laz if you're hanging round with nothing to do, DH needs some help refitting our bathroom. We have no water, and a gaping hole where the bathroom once was. Meanwhile a boxed suite is sitting in our living room. In fact I'm not convinced that isn't already channelling you :)

Lazarus and the Gimp
05-05-2005, 22:09:41
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
We have no water, and a gaping hole where the bathroom once was.

That counts as "finished" by my standards.

Japher
05-05-2005, 22:10:39
:lol:

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
05-05-2005, 22:27:46
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
laz if you're hanging round with nothing to do, DH needs some help refitting our bathroom. We have no water, and a gaping hole where the bathroom once was.

:eek: You really need to kick that boarder out!

Koshko
05-05-2005, 22:50:17
Try placing you hands just below her breasts and aggressively push downward.

Venom
06-05-2005, 01:46:20
I can't believe this thread doesn't have any British political jokes.

Gary
06-05-2005, 09:16:15
That's because they're all standing for election

Nav
06-05-2005, 10:27:38
I thought this whole thread was a subtle joke at labour...

Venom
06-05-2005, 13:15:26
I don't know about that.

Lazarus and the Gimp
06-05-2005, 14:10:17
Blimey. Things might be happening.

Let's hope so. We've been having sex 2-3 times daily. I'm 34, godammit! It ain't right!

Gary
06-05-2005, 14:12:52
Now if you could only have it together ...

King_Ghidra
06-05-2005, 14:14:38
preggo sex. dirty boy.

Lazarus and the Gimp
06-05-2005, 14:25:10
It's like trying to molest a space-hopper.

King_Ghidra
06-05-2005, 14:27:09
:lol:

Fergus & The Brazen Car
06-05-2005, 14:36:19
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
It's like trying to molest a space-hopper.


Aren't you meant to approach from the rear, stealthily, masked and suitably attired ?

MDA
06-05-2005, 14:40:53
Space hopper?

Fergus & The Brazen Car
06-05-2005, 14:49:23
Ugly spacehopper:

Lazarus and the Gimp
06-05-2005, 16:48:17
It's looking like a false alarm.

Gary
06-05-2005, 16:52:23
Ah yes, you can buy those at B&Q

Immortal Wombat
06-05-2005, 17:25:00
According to Hubbard, a preclear who remembers being raped by her father may be right, only she may have been in the womb at the time.

fp
06-05-2005, 17:42:26
I thought this was another election thread for a moment.

Lazarus and the Gimp
06-05-2005, 19:46:10
Originally posted by Immortal Wombat
According to Hubbard, a preclear who remembers being raped by her father may be right, only she may have been in the womb at the time.

Hubbard clearly had only the vaguest grasp of gynaecology.

Immortal Wombat
06-05-2005, 19:52:34
he only had the vaguest grasp of most things, I think.

Provost Harrison
07-05-2005, 13:24:44
Bit of soap up the passageway...I am sure the baby will just slide out if you do that ;)

Spartak
07-05-2005, 13:28:08
Or butter even.

Provost Harrison
07-05-2005, 13:30:24
It's all good :D

HelloKitty
07-05-2005, 13:41:59
Honestly? There are a few ways besides the drugs that may or may not work. Most maternety wards will ahve what you need for these except the last two (you have to provide the skill there)

1- Walking. This will help move things along, have her walk up and down the hall over and over.

2- The bouncy ball. Have her squat on the ball and gently bounch.

3- Hot bath, hottub, jacuzzi, or if nothing else a warm shower.

4- Stimulation of the breasts/nipples (sexually). This causes the release of oxytocin, the same hormone that is released in orgasm, and the same one that causes contractions and expulsion. Raising these levels can move things along, but may be too sensitve and painful if she is making colostrum already.

5- Sex, masterbation or full coitus. No joke. Again, this gets the hormones moving. Masterbation to orgasm if she is not too miserable at the moment can definitly help. I would avoid sex if she is dialated a few CM and the head is able to be felt though. Not because it is dangerous, but imo gross that your wee wee would be poking your baby's head.

Thats all off the top of my head.

Scabrous Birdseed
07-05-2005, 13:49:23
May I ask why? I thought prolonged pregnancy made sprogs brighter.

zmama
07-05-2005, 14:24:49
???
Where'd you hear that one?

Provost Harrison
07-05-2005, 14:38:21
Bloke down the pub told him of course...the best source of all medical information :D

Immortal Wombat
07-05-2005, 15:07:51
Originally posted by Scabrous Birdseed
May I ask why? I thought prolonged pregnancy made sprogs brighter.
I was two weeks premature :(

Cruddy
07-05-2005, 15:46:44
Gah, you haven't even TRIED the mousaka, have you?

There's ongoing research into aubergines and their birth inducing properties.

Why not try something traditional?

Gary
07-05-2005, 19:00:27
How far up do you have to push it ?

sleeping_satsuma
07-05-2005, 22:58:15
get a caesarean

Greg W
08-05-2005, 02:44:08
Well, that has it's own side effects to deal with. Like not being able to lift your arms above your head for months afterwards.

HelloKitty
08-05-2005, 02:45:49
Originally posted by Greg W
Well, that has it's own side effects to deal with. Like not being able to lift your arms above your head for months afterwards.

Do they still use pointed rocks in australia for surgery?

Greg W
08-05-2005, 02:49:42
Often, yes.

Cruddy
08-05-2005, 04:56:05
That's posh. Round here they use blunt rocks to anaesthetise patients.

Cruddy
08-05-2005, 04:58:14
Originally posted by Gary
How far up do you have to push it ?

You just eat it the mousaka. No kinks necessary.

Spartak
08-05-2005, 07:36:48
How boring.

sleeping_satsuma
08-05-2005, 11:30:45
Originally posted by Greg W
Well, that has it's own side effects to deal with. Like not being able to lift your arms above your head for months afterwards.

but its an effective way to induce labour nonetheless

MDA
09-05-2005, 12:27:28
Originally posted by Immortal Wombat
I was two weeks premature :(

Four weeks!

God, there's some sort of pattern here. I can almost see it.

BigGameHunter
10-05-2005, 01:50:30
All of CG is premature!
I don't know how long it was, but yes, so was I.

Spartak
10-05-2005, 08:41:33
I was a month early too.

zmama
10-05-2005, 11:11:19
I was right on time. Very punctual and german of me :D

Tizzy
11-05-2005, 09:44:47
No-one knows whether I was early or late, they couldn't work out when I was supposed to be due.

Based on my performance since then though, I was probably late

Funko
11-05-2005, 10:38:20
And asleep?

Tizzy
11-05-2005, 10:39:56
Probably