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Funko
29-04-2005, 09:50:09
Their headline on the front page today?

Well the story is about Tom Cruise's new girlfriend Katie Holmes 'saving herself' for the right guy...

their headline?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2005192774,00.html


















Missionary Impossible

:lol:

King_Ghidra
29-04-2005, 10:47:10
:lol:

well done tom btw, mmmm

MoSe
29-04-2005, 11:01:12
Joey! :eek:

He's my same age, I definitely must have some hope left too, then

Funko
29-04-2005, 11:19:53
This is still making me laugh.

King_Ghidra
29-04-2005, 11:49:23
the prospect of MoSe having any hope? yeah, i agree

mr.G
29-04-2005, 11:49:58
:lol:

Funko
29-04-2005, 11:50:37
Especially with Katie.

novacane
29-04-2005, 11:52:19
Originally posted by Funko
Especially with Katie.

Personal friend?

Funko
29-04-2005, 11:53:31
I wish. :(

sleeping_satsuma
30-04-2005, 12:14:25
You should write for the sun funko, you have all the puns :)

I can't understand why anyone in this day and age guards their virginity or believes in 'the right man' its all just a load of old tripe. Its sexual anorexia.

Martini
30-04-2005, 12:22:14
:lol: @ 'sexual anorexia'

JM^3
30-04-2005, 13:22:49
I am a dude and not interested in sex with just anyone

I want to be in love

call that guarding my virginity or beleiving in the 'right woman' of you wish

JM

sleeping_satsuma
30-04-2005, 13:33:38
wanting to have a special connection with someone is perfectly reasonable, but talking about the 'right' person is fairy tale bullshit. There is no right person for anyone, just varying levels of compatibility.

And people that treasure virginity in itself are just deluding themselves imho, it doesnt make you pure or a better person, or make sex more special when you have it, it just means you arent getting any sex and you have an inability to deal with the messy reality of relationships and bodily fluids.

Lazarus and the Gimp
30-04-2005, 13:46:09
And your genitals might heal over.

sleeping_satsuma
30-04-2005, 13:52:42
and you might turn into Sir Cliff Richard

Fergus & The Brazen Car
30-04-2005, 13:57:37
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
and you might turn into Sir Cliff Richard


Death would be preferable.


Death is preferable for him, in fact.


Euth him now- no more ghastly musicals like Heathcliff massacring 'Wuthering Heights', no more 'Lord's Prayer' musical projectile vomiting, no more leading singing at Wimbledon....

Lazarus and the Gimp
30-04-2005, 14:00:22
Cliffie claims to have Done It With A Lady. Once.

Fergus & The Brazen Car
30-04-2005, 14:04:36
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Cliffie claims to have Done It With A Lady. Once.


Before I left for The Fatal Shore I met a few old gay geezers who used to work in the music biz. in London in the 60s, who had a few tales to tell of Dame Cliff....


Bizarrely enough, his image was one that was well-liked and copied by London's lesbian scene.

Bit like David Bowie in the 70s in that respect.

sleeping_satsuma
30-04-2005, 18:13:41
if he's not a bender then I'm a chinaman.

Plus he's kinda creepy like Patrick Swayze in Donnie Darko. There must be some dark secrets there. No hetero man not in the priesthood goes voluntarily celibate for life for no apparent reason.

Shining1
01-05-2005, 08:54:21
It provides the warmth and energy that fuels all life on earth.
There are many reasons to love it.

protein
01-05-2005, 09:12:00
Are you talking about jesus chris our lord and saviour or hard fucking?

Lazarus and the Gimp
01-05-2005, 11:18:22
He posted in the wrong thread- it was actually a comment on Dyl's Ssangyong.

Gibsie
01-05-2005, 12:09:25
Katue Holmes a virgin, right. She's clearly just nostalgic for her Dawson's Crek days. Or perhaps those movies where she gets her norks out. The pure-hearted lassie.

Cruddy
01-05-2005, 13:09:05
The Sun; we HAVE to love it?

I'd love it if they ran a story saying Rupert Murdoch had been killed and eaten in Papua New Guinea.

Fergus & The Brazen Car
01-05-2005, 13:17:48
Originally posted by Cruddy
The Sun; we HAVE to love it?

I'd love it if they ran a story saying Rupert Murdoch had been killed and eaten in Papua New Guinea.


Clearly you bear some animus towards the inhabitants of Papua New Guinea, else why would you wish to inflict that tumorous mass of bile & poison on them ?

Provost Harrison
01-05-2005, 13:24:26
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
wanting to have a special connection with someone is perfectly reasonable, but talking about the 'right' person is fairy tale bullshit. There is no right person for anyone, just varying levels of compatibility.

And people that treasure virginity in itself are just deluding themselves imho, it doesnt make you pure or a better person, or make sex more special when you have it, it just means you arent getting any sex and you have an inability to deal with the messy reality of relationships and bodily fluids.

Quite rightly so. I've been lowering the asking price on my virginity for years now. Can't give the damn thing away ;)

Fergus & The Brazen Car
01-05-2005, 13:28:08
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
Quite rightly so. I've been lowering the asking price on my virginity for years now. Can't give the damn thing away ;)


Have you tried Scope or Oxfam ?

Provost Harrison
01-05-2005, 13:29:05
The former has baffled me...does it mean we now have to call 'Spastics' 'Scopes' now?

Fergus & The Brazen Car
01-05-2005, 13:35:11
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
The former has baffled me...does it mean we now have to call 'Spastics' 'Scopes' now?


No, it just means that you have to call people with cerebral palsy by their names.


Like how you or I might prefer people not calling you unpleasant things instead of your name.

Provost Harrison
01-05-2005, 13:36:30
I see humour is still completely wasted on you ;)

Fergus & The Brazen Car
01-05-2005, 13:37:41
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
I see humour is still completely wasted on you ;)


Oh that's what it was.

We see it so rarely from you dear, I feel we need a zoological or philological expert to identify it.


;)

zmama
01-05-2005, 17:31:49
heeeheeheee

poor PH :D

Provost Harrison
01-05-2005, 17:36:23
Originally posted by Fergus & The Brazen Car
Oh that's what it was.

We see it so rarely from you dear, I feel we need a zoological or philological expert to identify it.


;)

Now put those claws away bitch. It's a sad indictment on my fellow man when they need a smiley to denote a joke :p

sleeping_satsuma
01-05-2005, 18:47:35
careful everyone there's an angry virgin on the loose!!





:D (denotes joke)

mr.G
01-05-2005, 18:50:12
:lol: denotes laugh

zmama
01-05-2005, 18:52:07
:beer:
denotes drunk

Gibsie
01-05-2005, 20:24:31
this thread is virgin on the insane!

Dyl Ulenspiegel
01-05-2005, 21:58:18
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
He posted in the wrong thread- it was actually a comment on Dyl's Ssangyong.

I was a Ssangyong virgin, now I'm happy with the car.

Provost Harrison
01-05-2005, 22:14:08
Well you may as well be a virgin, because you ain't gonna get laid driving one of those :p

sleeping_satsuma
02-05-2005, 00:18:56
what are you driving PH, a Datsun Cherry?

:D

Provost Harrison
02-05-2005, 00:54:45
I'm getting a new car, you can have it if you like :p

sleeping_satsuma
02-05-2005, 01:04:48
YOu should at least offer to buy a girl a drink before you ask her to take your Cherry PH. No wonder you're still a virgin :rolleyes: :D

Lazarus and the Gimp
02-05-2005, 08:11:17
Last night I was talking to a 22 year old girl who's been in a 6 year relationship with her boyfriend, and yet is technically a virgin as she's saving it for her wedding night.

She said "To stop us going insane, we do loads of oral and anal". I just find it all a bit weird, and self-flagellating.

JM^3
02-05-2005, 08:31:05
I ahve noticed that young people (those under the age of ~30, maybe even under the age of 25) are a lot more into anal than those who are older...

Jon Miller

Greg W
02-05-2005, 08:52:50
Older people just odn't talk as much about it.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
02-05-2005, 09:49:54
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
Well you may as well be a virgin, because you ain't gonna get laid driving one of those :p

Many women like the eccentric. And what could be more eccentric than driving that car AND saying that you drive it by choice cause you like it.

Like a friend of mine and his old Skoda Felicia....

Oerdin
02-05-2005, 10:39:32
I've met several girls who were virgins in the sense that the cock hand't been up them yet they had a long list of guys they'd done anal sex with. :hmmm:

Dyl Ulenspiegel
02-05-2005, 10:46:19
Puritanism at its best.

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 10:52:57
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Last night I was talking to a 22 year old girl who's been in a 6 year relationship with her boyfriend, and yet is technically a virgin as she's saving it for her wedding night.

She said "To stop us going insane, we do loads of oral and anal". I just find it all a bit weird, and self-flagellating.

Weird. The oral part I sort of understand (both girls whose cherries I've popped I first did oral with), but I must be one of the few 25 year-olds who has never fucked a girl in the ass.

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 10:56:08
Tried one time with a previous girl. Didn't manage. Seemed like a bit too much of a hassle for nothing, what with the lubing etc.

JM^3
02-05-2005, 10:57:52
I have lots of ferinds how have never tried Anal (and yes, have had sex)

JM

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 11:03:31
That reminds of one of the funniest moments ever on film.

There's a scene in the Italian film "Swept Away" (not the Madonna remake) where the woman bemoans the fact that the man was not her first, then begs the man to sodomise her because in that way, at least, he can have something nobody else has ever had from her.

Pure gold.

JM^3
02-05-2005, 11:09:12
I swear I haev seen that scene before..

JM

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 11:11:52
Hmm. A quick google search uncovers the fact that Ritchie cut said scene from the remake.

Too bad.

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 11:12:39
Originally posted by JM^3
I swear I haev seen that scene before..

JM

Well, the original was a rather famous film in its time, I think.

I first saw it about 10 years ago being played on Bravo.

KrazyHorse@home
02-05-2005, 11:14:28
Canadian Bravo, that is.

At 2:00 in the afternoon...

:lol:

mr.G
02-05-2005, 11:28:09
Originally posted by Dyl Ulenspiegel
Puritanism at its best. puritanism as is american?

Provost Harrison
02-05-2005, 12:14:53
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
YOu should at least offer to buy a girl a drink before you ask her to take your Cherry PH. No wonder you're still a virgin :rolleyes: :D

Drink? I'll put a full tank of petrol in it ;)

sleeping_satsuma
02-05-2005, 12:52:45
this 'i'll take it up the bum but not up the minge' stuff is one of the reasons I find people who guard their virginity so squirmingly ridiculous. Everyone I've known who has done this, does a whole battery of anything else sexual in order to keep prospective husband happy. Its just pure unadulterated hypocrisy. The vagina is not magically activated by the cock. The ceiling of the world does not fall in if the cock goes near it. Surely the point of abstinence is to abstain from anything sexual, not to exploit a religious/moral loophole because aha! nobody said bum sex counts! Considering the amount of fisting and anal thats done in the name of preserving virginity I'd suggest these girls are far more debased than the ones who actually do it the old fashioned way anyway. And a hell of a lot more stupid.

The modern popularity of bum sex in hetero couples seems to be down to internet pornography anyway. It used to be a fringe activity, a niche market that due to the immediacy of net porn and the need to reach ever more depraved and outrageous heights in these films in order to satisfy the thirsty sexual thrill seeker, has become the standard. A lot of female porn actresses now bemoan the fact they cant get work unless they do anal. Same goes for lesbian stuff. In reality, I'm not convinced many couples do it regularly, and certainly not with the rectum splitting gusto thats portrayed in sex films. Similarly, whereas having a 'shaven haven' used to be considered a slightly kinky thing to do, now it has become through porn, the apparent gold standard of minge grooming, and anyone who likes it natural is now considered to be a freak and into 'hairy' activities.

I'm starting to side with Andrea Dworkin...

sleeping_satsuma
02-05-2005, 12:56:03
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
Drink? I'll put a full tank of petrol in it ;)

ooh matron!

Provost Harrison
02-05-2005, 12:59:52
I completely agree with you s_s...it strikes me that an orifice was provided especially for the purpose and that these pseudoreligious constraints are utterly meaningless. But how taking her up the marmite motorway is supposed to be somewhat more 'pure' when it simply isn't is just mindboggling...do they think they are exploiting a loophole, no pun intended ;)

Gibsie
02-05-2005, 14:21:46
Ahh, this gold thread is the reason why I came here from apolyton!

Fergus & The Brazen Car
03-05-2005, 13:27:24
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
Now put those claws away bitch. It's a sad indictment on my fellow man when they need a smiley to denote a joke :p


Note- the wink smiley was to denote I was using the rubber tipped barbs. Only dolts like Fez & Minge get the hard stuff.


;)

Immortal Wombat
03-05-2005, 13:41:52
a poophole loophole

mr.G
03-05-2005, 13:55:07
images

Your search - poophole loophole - did not match any documents.

hmmmmm strange

sleeping_satsuma
03-05-2005, 17:45:11
isn't that a knitting stitch? Poop one, pearl one...

Oerdin
03-05-2005, 22:23:31
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
...do they think they are exploiting a loophole

I thought they were exploiting the poop hole. :bouncmsk:

Oerdin
03-05-2005, 22:25:02
Originally posted by Immortal Wombat
a poophole loophole

God damn it! I was beaten to the pun.

Spartak
03-05-2005, 22:27:17
Groan. Have you started channelling Funko?

Provost Harrison
03-05-2005, 23:32:28
:brwncard: Leave those anal sex jokes alone, or at least for King_Ghidra :p

Darkstar
04-05-2005, 03:09:18
But sodomy is a sin. But hey, don't point that out to them.

Anyways, would such a partner be worse or better? After all, they are already doing everything else. You think they stop once the sign the license or stand in front of the JP?

Of course, they don't have much to expand out to, once they get bored with everything they are doing.

I agree that its hypocritical. But that's just humans being human. Just something to laugh about your fellow inmates in the asylum. ;)

MoSe
04-05-2005, 11:08:52
Originally posted by Darkstar
But sodomy is a sin.

I wonder, was the term coined to intend only homosexual anal penetration, or just any?

MoSe
04-05-2005, 11:12:02
hmmm... after checking in dictionary.com, it was born with that strict meaning, and then it got widened to include oral and animal sex too! :eek:

that was unexpected!

Dyl Ulenspiegel
04-05-2005, 11:20:30
Originally posted by Darkstar
But sodomy is a sin. But hey, don't point that out to them.


Well, don't forget the puritan Leitmotiv: It's only a sin if you get caught.

mr.G
04-05-2005, 11:21:18
:lol: