View Full Version : Sad little trees

19-04-2005, 12:05:44
Yesterday my g/f and me got some very bad news. During a regular check up, they couldn't find the heart of the baby. My g/f called me, and I rushed over from work, to take her to the hospital for a scan. There they confirmed our fears that the baby was dead.

This is of course a great shock, because we had no indications that things were going wrong, three echos and several checks all gave perfect results. There's no reason found for the death yet. After 36 1/2 (out of the regular 40) weeks of pregnancy it's a tragedy for us, but especially for my g/f of course, carrying the baby around for almost 9 months. And still carrying it with her now. So tomorrow (and maybe thursday and friday as well) it will be hell, delivering the baby, and arranging a cremation right after.

For the next few days I probably won't be posting, and afterwards it will take a while to get to my happy little self. But we'll get there in time.

19-04-2005, 12:06:43
Oh Drekkus, I'm so very sorry for you and your girlfriend :(

19-04-2005, 12:08:36
Drekkus. That's awful. :( I'm really sorry.

I don't really know what to say but if there's anything we can do to help we'll be here if you need us.

Provost Harrison
19-04-2005, 12:15:35
I'm very sorry to hear that Drekkus, we've all been a bit of a part of that pregnancy with the threads and updates on it, brought a tear to my eye.

My thoughts are with you and your girlfriend...


19-04-2005, 12:21:30

Awful. Take care of things. We'll be here when you get back.

19-04-2005, 12:23:08

19-04-2005, 12:23:46
My heart aches for you and your girlfriend.

and I echo Funko's remark

19-04-2005, 12:26:21


Scabrous Birdseed
19-04-2005, 12:30:30

Don't know what to say.

19-04-2005, 12:34:09

My symphaties to you and your girlfriend...

19-04-2005, 12:37:48
I'm truly sorry to hear that Drekkus.

My thoughts and sympathies are with you and your gf, hope the next couple of days are not too traumatic for you both.


Greg W
19-04-2005, 12:38:31
Damn! Both of you and your families have my thoughts. :hug:

19-04-2005, 12:58:59
That sucks.

19-04-2005, 13:00:33
Oh my, that's really terrible news! I feel very sorry

19-04-2005, 13:17:22
:( Condolences.

19-04-2005, 13:20:35
Oh god. I'm so sorry for you both. Be strong mate.

19-04-2005, 13:25:44
I am sad to see your sorrow. That's a really nasty thing to happen to anyone.

19-04-2005, 13:35:21
thats shit man.

Hope you guys get through it OK.

19-04-2005, 14:05:44

I'm deeply sorry for your loss, and I hope you can both pull through it. Look after each other.

19-04-2005, 14:26:32
What everyone else's said. * sigh *

19-04-2005, 14:27:58
So sorry to hear this. What Funko said, we're here for you...:(

19-04-2005, 15:13:40
Sorry to hear that news :(

19-04-2005, 15:18:41

*hugs* Drekkus. That's terrible, you have our deepest sympathies.

19-04-2005, 15:35:35
Shit. :(

You have my sympathy, for what little that's worth at a time like this.

19-04-2005, 15:39:04
:hug: I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry Drekkus, my thoughts are with you.

Immortal Wombat
19-04-2005, 15:54:09
Ouch. Add my sympathies to the pile. :( That's dreadful.

19-04-2005, 15:59:49
Shit, shit, shit. Things like that shouldn't happen to people. My sincerest condolences. :sad:

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
19-04-2005, 16:46:41
What a terrible thing to happen. Very sorry to hear about this, Drekkus. :( :(

19-04-2005, 16:55:51
Truely terrible and sad news. My sister-in-law suffered through the same lose a few years ago.
Best wishes to you and your life's partner. May you both swiftly recover together.

19-04-2005, 16:58:31

19-04-2005, 17:38:29
Drek, I'm really shocked....
My most heartflet condolences, I'm terribly sorry for your gf and you. :cry:
Be next to her, and you know we'll all be here
Originally posted by Drekkus
afterwards it will take a while to get to my happy little self. But we'll get there in time.
we'll manage it all together, promise

19-04-2005, 18:00:25
I'm truly sorry for you and your girlfriend drekkus. :(

19-04-2005, 18:04:49
There aren't enough words...

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

19-04-2005, 19:18:13
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Ms. Drekkus and the baby.
I am very sorry to hear this.


19-04-2005, 20:36:05
Oh no. :( :cry:

19-04-2005, 20:41:32
I'm sorry, man


19-04-2005, 20:50:23
:( :( :( :(

19-04-2005, 20:53:46
Truely horrible news.

Words fail to convey the sadness of us all for your loss.

19-04-2005, 20:56:20
I am sorry.

Lazarus and the Gimp
19-04-2005, 20:57:41
Oh Jesus bloody hell. That's just chilled me to the marrow. Drekk- that's just too awful for words. My sympathies to you both. Look after yourselves.

19-04-2005, 21:17:53
I don't even have the words to express my response to this. I am so sorry to hear about that.

19-04-2005, 21:29:09
I am so sorry to hear this! You have all my prayers and thoughts through all of this for both you and your girlfriend.

19-04-2005, 22:06:14


20-04-2005, 00:41:26
All of the above... :(

I seems painful now
But remember there is a future and the pleasure of trying again.
Life goes on.

20-04-2005, 01:10:46
I'm late but I still wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss. It isn't easy to lose a child.

20-04-2005, 02:57:41
I'm really sorry to hear that, Drekkus.

Look after the gf, and yourself.

20-04-2005, 04:03:26
What everyone else said in this thread.

Take care of the wife and also yourself. Family first.


20-04-2005, 06:04:32
I'm sorry, Drekkus. You and your girlfriend have my condolences.

20-04-2005, 06:13:21

Dyl Ulenspiegel
20-04-2005, 12:55:46
So sorry to hear that. All the best for you and the gf, hope to see you back as a happy little tree.

24-04-2005, 17:49:41
Thanks for all the support, everyone. It really means a lot when you see all the messages, cards, letters, texts, voicemails, calls and flowers from friends and family.

The last week has been pretty surreal. We had some really emotional moments, and some really good moments together. All in all, my g/f and I are both pretty down to earth and are able to deal with the situation in a way where we don't run away from our emotions, but don't wallow in our own self pity either. It brought us closer together, and gave us someone beautifull, that will not be with us in person, but will stay in our memory forever.
I'm very proud of my g/f and how strong she has been this last week. We still have some emotional times ahead, but I'm confident that we will get through that together in a positive way. We even refound a sense of humour, to break the tense moments. Morbid humour at times, saying to each other that the baby probably was too lazy, like us, and her heart just stopped beating. But until now, no apparant reason for her death is given, but hopefully they will find out in the hospital.

Last week was a rollercoaster of emotions. Monday was an enormous shock, so out of the blue. After the initial panic, we used tuesday for some contemplation, making some decisions on how we wanted to handle things, in the hospital, before and after the birth, and with the cremation. Wednessday we were expected in the hospital, where the staff were great, understanding and professional. We stayed in the delivery room, where we both had a bed. There it was just a long wait, until the medicine given to my g/f kicked in and the delivery would start. Not before thursdaynight things got going, and friday afternoon at 12.52 our little girl was born. Holding my own, deadborn daughter in my arms is the most overwhelming thing that ever happened to me. A fully grown babygirl at 53 cm and 3 kg. She looked really peaceful, like she was just sleeping, wound in a bathcape. After some time alone with us three, they made a print of her hand and her foot, and made a makeshift birthcard. We made pictures of her, so we won't ever have to forget how she looked.
When going home, friday evening, we said goodbye to her, the very last time we will have seen her, which again was a really emotional moment. She stayed in the hospital, where they will do research on the cause of death.

On our request, my g/f's sister had provided a basket, which she had covered with fabric on the inside. That basket we will use to transport her from the hospital to the crematorium on tuesday. We requested a simple and sober procedure, just our girl, my g/f and me. Filling in the paperwork for that yesterday at the crematorium, I had to give my relation to the deceased. Writing down 'father' was so weird. So the cremation and reporting the birth and death of the baby to the local authorities will be very tough moments. After that, we will slowly get back to normal life. We're planning to go on a good three week holiday somewhere in may or june, to put all this behind us.

For anyone who already give his/her sympathy here (or not), don't see this post as another sympathypost obligation. I wrote this more for my own therapy then for others. Your support is great, and I reckon to be back to normal sometime soon. Although that might not be a good thing for some. ;)


24-04-2005, 17:55:58
I just want to say I am really proud of both of you!
you made me laugh and cry in one post, that is a major achievement. :beer:

24-04-2005, 18:07:00
Oh man, you've got me crying now.

You seem to be doing really well. Keep up the sick humour. It's always helped me through tragidy. :)

24-04-2005, 19:03:33
Much love to you both. And as Pieter said :)

24-04-2005, 19:04:22
To the future. :beer:

The Mad Monk
24-04-2005, 20:06:35
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. :(

This is what life is. Things will get better.

24-04-2005, 22:14:58
Pieter put it really well.

Greg W
25-04-2005, 01:42:41
Wow, that's so touching a post. All the best, and I'm very proud of you too.

25-04-2005, 01:49:11
OMG, this is terrible.

I dont know how I would cope in that situation. Tragedies like this lend perspective on my own life and how meaningless the everyday tragedies are.

25-04-2005, 02:00:59
Well, if you've regained your sense of humor, I'd be glad to rent you one of mine for an indefinite period.

25-04-2005, 18:16:36
:( and :)

Best wishes to you both. Glad to see you're dealing with it as well as possible.

25-04-2005, 20:00:33
Originally posted by mr.G
I just want to say I am really proud of both of you!
you made me laugh and cry in one post, that is a major achievement. :beer: Good Luck Dirk & g/f.

26-04-2005, 21:32:48
That is a very sad and touching post. I hope you find a good way to live with it, I guess you made a very sensitive start.

Like Mr_G said, we're proud of you. Hope you'll return soon ...

26-04-2005, 21:54:20
Yes. I hope you return soon. I miss making fun of you.

26-04-2005, 21:59:01
Yeah, there's no on else here to make fun of.

26-04-2005, 22:14:10
The loss of one moron diminishes all.

27-04-2005, 16:28:15
We will just have to be twice as stupid.

27-04-2005, 16:30:24
Originally posted by Venom
The loss of one moron diminishes all.

Imagine the disaster that would befall us if you left...:cry:

27-04-2005, 16:32:35
If he's not posting, he's hunting us down.

27-04-2005, 16:33:01

27-04-2005, 17:23:09
Locked and loaded.

05-05-2005, 23:30:01
Sorry to hear that Drekkus. This just happened to some close friends of my wife and I.:(

She hadn't felt it move for the last couple of days, so my wife told her she should go to the doctor. The doctor then told her that the baby is dead.

She only had a month of her pregnancy to go...we just had a baby shower for her this past weekend. My wife and I are absolutely gutted...I can't remember the last time I was this upset.

Best wishes to you and your lady...

06-05-2005, 01:49:48
If I had any emotions I think I might be, what's it called?...Moved. Yes that's it.

06-05-2005, 09:58:20
Sorry to hear it, cali. My g/f had little less then a month to go as well. Do they have an explaination for it yet?

My g/f and I are doing ok. At times it's still hard, my g/f misses the baby. In june we have an appointment in the hospital, and hopefully they will be able to tell us the cause.
I hope your friends will get the same support from friends and family that we had. That really helped us. And for some reason the knowledge that this happens more than you think also was some weird consolance, to know that you're not the only one who this happens to. This whole episode brought my g/f and I closer together, and made us stronger.

When we heared the news, our first reaction was to get things over with as soon as possible. I'm glad we didn't. I hope your friends take enough time to experience the birth, the presence of the baby and the farewell. Taking time to hold her, take pictures, have her with us for a short while and having a proper goodbye really helped us. It also provides memories that we can fall back on when we need it. I feel we did it all in a way that won't cause any regrets later.

I hope your friends can give their baby a place in their heart, and will manage to see something positive in this, however hard it may seem.

06-05-2005, 13:57:23
They don't have a complete explanation yet, but one of the problems was that the cord had tangled around the baby's neck. The baby was also only 3 pounds, so it probably hadn't grown much in the last month or so. No doubt they will be doing an autopsy which will yield a more complete explanation later.

They went through the birth process yesterday. It was pretty quick...she was only in labor for about 7 hours. The doctors cleaned the baby up for them so they could hold her for a bit. They are keeping a lock of her hair and some pictures to remember her by.

Our friends seem to be coping with it very well. My wife was on the phone with them yesterday afternoon and they sounded ok. Fortunately, the husband is a professional grief counselor, so I'm sure that really helped them.

They said this won't put them off trying again, so hopefully everything will go smoothly for them the next time.

This has been particularly hard on my wife because she is also pregnant and our friend and her had bonded very closely as they shared their pregnancies with one another. They were both very excited about experiencing motherhood together.