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DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 17:48:27
ask me a question, any question**, about what is troubling you in your life and I will give you my three word advice*

eg Oerdin is having trouble with his girflfriend,

I say: Ditch the harpy!

I am having trouble with my lodger

I say: Kick her out!

etc

So come on then, give me your woes and ailments and I shall solve all in three words!!

*punctuation included gratis
**I'm avoiding writing an essay

Martini
17-04-2005, 17:55:10
I want to go for a walk before I go mad and kill someone but

a)its pissing with rain
b)i dont have a coat
c)i've been drinking since late morning and doubt my ability to stand let alone walk

What should I do?

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 17:56:28
vomit then sleep

Spartak
17-04-2005, 18:11:23
My 8 month old won't sleep.

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 18:12:30
give it whisky

Spartak
17-04-2005, 18:13:20
HARR HARR HARR. Do you mean Jesus Juice?

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 18:15:00
Yes I do!

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 18:36:17
My Girlfriend has a huge Moon Head, and she is abusing one of my forum logins, what should i do???

MOBIUS
17-04-2005, 18:40:09
slap her silly

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 18:41:00
Silly was a point passed long long ago.

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 18:41:36
I'm reckoning the advice will be.......

"buy her shoes"

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 19:03:41
do more sex!!

HelloKitty
17-04-2005, 21:15:32
Erin is out of town and I am bored and lonely. I am also tired of drinking alone.

MRT144
17-04-2005, 21:21:19
do yourself in

protein
17-04-2005, 21:54:34
wank yourself unconcious

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 21:55:27
Originally posted by HelloKitty
Erin is out of town and I am bored and lonely. I am also tired of drinking alone.

hire a hooker

Provost Harrison
17-04-2005, 23:07:12
I'm bored...

MOBIUS
17-04-2005, 23:54:27
lynch a chav

Provost Harrison
17-04-2005, 23:54:55
I actually felt tempted to do that earlier, but I resisted :D

MOBIUS
17-04-2005, 23:56:11
adopt a chav?

JM^3
17-04-2005, 23:57:24
fuck a chav?

Jon Miller
(not really sure what a 'chav' is?)

MOBIUS
17-04-2005, 23:58:11
use a condom:D

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 00:01:16
Originally posted by JM^3
fuck a chav?

Jon Miller
(not really sure what a 'chav' is?)

Chav is a Romany word, meaning child.

It has entered English slang as meaning a teenage delinquent with the social grace of pig.

And that's being unfair to pigs.

JM^3
18-04-2005, 00:10:46
well, I don't mean fuck a child

fuck a teenager is generally irresponsible unless you are one..

Jon Miller

protein
18-04-2005, 00:13:10
They are either toothless smelly criminals who claim to have noble gypsy roots who eat chips for their dinner every night and live in squalid council houses with half a motorbike and an upturned boat in their front garden or ill-educated, mcdonalds-guzzling, tabloid-reading, UKIP-voting, white trash who wear expensive sports clothing and gold jewellery and drive absurdly powerful and ornamented cars to try and look less poor.

They were formally known in Reading as "stavs" after a national tv documentary about filthy sub-human illiterate people who lived in Reading's very own Staverton Road.

They are also known as "scum", "pikeys" or "people from Bracknell".

They have become so talked about that some people have taken to dressing like chavs in a kind of ironic fashion statement.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 00:22:48
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
I'm bored...

read a book

JM^3
18-04-2005, 00:24:15
sounds like people from my home town...

Jon Miller

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 00:28:03
Originally posted by protein
They are either toothless smelly criminals who claim to have noble gypsy roots who eat chips for their dinner every night and live in squalid council houses with half a motorbike and an upturned boat in their front garden or ill-educated, mcdonalds-guzzling, tabloid-reading, UKIP-voting, white trash who wear expensive sports clothing and gold jewellery and drive absurdly powerful and ornamented cars to try and look less poor.

They were formally known in Reading as "stavs" after a national tv documentary about filthy sub-human illiterate people who lived in Reading's very own Staverton Road.

They are also known as "scum", "pikeys" or "people from Bracknell".

They have become so talked about that some people have taken to dressing like chavs in a kind of ironic fashion statement.

there are some very nice areas of Bracknell, much as it may surprise you.

Oerdin
18-04-2005, 01:22:12
Some people are trying to promote Bracknell as a tourist destination.

http://www.locallife.co.uk/bracknell/holidaysandtourism.asp

protein
18-04-2005, 02:06:54
http://www.trousers.co.uk/bracknell/harbinger/index.html

Spartak
18-04-2005, 06:59:28
I'm sure there are some nice people in Bracknel but the school are really crap compared to the surrounding areas and its never going to improve as a place to live until that gets sorted out.

Provost Harrison
18-04-2005, 11:03:22
I am not entirely convinced that is a real picture of Bracknell. If it is, I've certainly never seen that bit :D

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:04:58
actually one of the schools in bracknell just got special praise from Mr Blair because it has done so well.

I'm not saying there aren't shit bits, but thats true of everywhere. Now I live here I can see that the vast majority of the rumours are bollocks.

It should be getting approval for regeneration this year which will make it more of a young professionals town. The plans look excellent in fact- loads to do and will look great and run as greenly as possible.

alsieboo
18-04-2005, 13:09:05
People don't read their PMs when I need help with cousework, and then when someone does they claim to be as useless as me, what should I do?

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 13:12:35
Originally posted by alsieboo
People don't read their PMs when I need help with cousework, and then when someone does they claim to be as useless as me, what should I do?

PM someone who's prepared to give you an answer.

Find your teachers email and GENTLY ask over that. Don't bombard, it won't get you anywhere.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:13:36
Originally posted by alsieboo
People don't read their PMs when I need help with cousework, and then when someone does they claim to be as useless as me, what should I do?

fuck thyself trollop! ;)

alsieboo
18-04-2005, 13:14:09
It's only a quick question lol, not one worth bothering a teacher with. What sort of people buy 'The Observer'

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:15:30
ask your newsagent

Venom
18-04-2005, 13:17:12
What should I have for lunch today?

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:17:44
pastrami on rye

alsieboo
18-04-2005, 13:17:52
Originally posted by DevilsH@lo
fuck thyself trollop! ;)

hush up :p

I can't be arsed to walk down the road, in the cold, when I mightn't get an answer. I asked you lot, because I stupidly assumed you might be able to help :p

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 13:20:00
Oh come on - if we were any good at maths we wouldn't be talking drivel at CG, would we?

What soft of maths? If it's calculus or algebra I'm a complete non-starter.

Venom
18-04-2005, 13:20:02
Go to Greg's depressing thread. Everyone is apparently full of help there.

alsieboo
18-04-2005, 13:21:08
Originally posted by Cruddy
Oh come on - if we were any good at maths we wouldn't be talking drivel at CG, would we?

What soft of maths? If it's calculus or algebra I'm a complete non-starter.

tis english. maths I'm fine with. ish. Well I've got no work to do for it, let me put it that way.

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 13:22:35
Language or literature?

alsieboo
18-04-2005, 13:24:02
language, comparing media texts. I just need to know what sort of people read 'The Observer' Incidently, would you say there's a certain group of people that become nurses? Like, how many posh people want to clean up other peoples sick

Greg W
18-04-2005, 13:25:35
Ask me. I was very good at English and Maths at High School. Probably way rusty now, but I might be able to help.

Oh, never mind. English paper stuff, not proper schooling...

MoSe
18-04-2005, 13:26:51
Events in my life have recently got spinning like a ferris wheel or a merry-go-round (it depends on which side I lean).
And they're taking up speed.
It's fun to be on board, but I enjoy most to step aside and whatch it all.
Maybe something would crash if unattended, and from the outside it's evident how it's not getting anywhere really.
Riding it you don't see it, but that won't change it and wont prevent eventual crashes.

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 13:30:27
Sounds more linguistics to me. That's demographics - how a particular consumer item sells. Who buys what and why.

People who buy the Observer - certain amount of education, certain amount of political awareness, certain amount of depth desired in the coverage. Generally not left wingers (quite a lot of business/industrial coverage). Generally not hardcore football fans.

The Queen Mother (God rest her soul) was a nurse during WW1. She was immensely popular with her patients. One of them said of her;-

"You should be hung, drawn and quatered. Hung with diamonds, drawn in a four horse coach, and quartered in Buckingham Palace".

So posh people have been known to do nursing - admittedly more so in wartime.

Vocational draws are really about psychological makeup of the individual - and also remember, there are different branches of nursing. One person might choose elderly care, another paediatrics, yet another mentally ill.

All of them would have to be prepared to clean up vomit - it goes with the territory. But that's not why people are drawn to nursing.

alsieboo
18-04-2005, 13:35:25
Finally! Thank you very much Cruddy, I shall dispose of your math tutor shortly

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 13:40:08
Oh yeah - one other thing Observer is big on. Lifestyle and consumer items. Big houses, big gardens, big clothes.

OK, few will make purchasing decisions solely on their - but people who don't like capitalism/consumerism won't like it.

If you want to be socialist about it - it's a middle class paper. But that's just a stereotype, and your teacher won't give you points for it. Unless they're a pinko gay faggot no good murderin' Commie bastard, as some posters might say.

I'd just say left wing. :)

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:41:20
Originally posted by MoSe
Events in my life have recently got spinning like a ferris wheel or a merry-go-round (it depends on which side I lean).
And they're taking up speed.
It's fun to be on board, but I enjoy most to step aside and whatch it all.
Maybe something would crash if unattended, and from the outside it's evident how it's not getting anywhere really.
Riding it you don't see it, but that won't change it and wont prevent eventual crashes.

work at fairground

Funko
18-04-2005, 13:43:02
"People who buy the Observer - certain amount of education, certain amount of political awareness, certain amount of depth desired in the coverage. Generally not left wingers (quite a lot of business/industrial coverage). Generally not hardcore football fans."

Stereotypically: The same as the guardian, teachers, and social workers.

And funnily enough I do buy it for the sport, and I know a few others who would probably say the same. Especially the Observer Sport Monthy magazine which is excellent.

More for people who want to read about actual sport than about how much Rooney's girlfriend spent on a house...

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 13:46:45
Originally posted by Funko


Stereotypically: The same as the guardian, teachers, and social workers.

See above post.


Originally posted by Funko

And funnily enough I do buy it for the sport, and I know a few others who would probably say the same. Especially the Observer Sport Monthy magazine which is excellent.

More for people who want to read about actual sport than about how much Rooney's girlfriend spent on a house...

Fair enough. Would you say the majorit of sports fans would consider the Observer?

I doubt it. Because a lot of them couldn't read it easily.

Sports yes, but the format isn't typical.

Funko
18-04-2005, 13:49:14
You seem to be suggesting that people who like sport aren't intelligent. I think that's a fallacy.

There's a smaller market for intelligent sports reporting than for tabloid style but the same's true with normal news coverage.

Debaser
18-04-2005, 13:54:21
Originally posted by Cruddy
Fair enough. Would you say the majorit of sports fans would consider the Observer?

I doubt it. Because a lot of them couldn't read it easily.[/B]

What? Don't confuse sports fans with football hooligans... :rolleyes:

The Observer and the Guardian have really good, really comprehensive sport sections. And far less football-centric than most. And like Mike said, the Observer Sports Monthly is by far and away the best sport suppliment produced by any UK paper.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:55:18
stop hijacking my thread you sports bastards!!!

Debaser
18-04-2005, 13:58:14
That's more than 3 words!

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 14:18:59
that was a warning not advice *growl*

Funko
18-04-2005, 14:20:08
Does a growl count as a word? That's still more than 3 anyway.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 14:23:42
again, it wasnt advice- only the advice comes in three words. Ask me advice on something and I shall reply in three word format

Greg W
18-04-2005, 14:32:43
Lemme guiess, advice for me:

Time heals all...

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 14:34:21
travel the world

King_Ghidra
18-04-2005, 14:36:30
don't fuck donkeys

Greg W
18-04-2005, 14:37:36
:hmm:

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 14:38:22
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
don't fuck donkeys

physician heal thyself

Cruddy
18-04-2005, 15:17:13
Originally posted by Funko
You seem to be suggesting that people who like sport aren't intelligent. I think that's a fallacy.

You are misquoting me. I said people who follow sport aren't necessarily EDUCATED - and if you don't have the skills to appreciate the Observer, you won't buy.

Intelligence <> Education

Originally posted by Funko
[B]
There's a smaller market for intelligent sports reporting than for tabloid style but the same's true with normal news coverage.

Oui, c'est vrai.

King_Ghidra
18-04-2005, 16:37:43
intelligence, education, whatever, you're making the same insult - people who follow sport aren't necessarily educated? wtf?

it's not because people can't read that they don't buy the fucking observer, it's because the paper doesn't meet their lifestyle concept

Funko
18-04-2005, 16:43:17
If they know what a lifestyle concept is are they more likely to buy the Observer?

I just can't imagine anyone saying they buy the Sun because it meets their lifestyle concept. :lol:

King_Ghidra
18-04-2005, 16:45:15
well they would call it 'what they like', it takes an educated intelligent man like me to tell them what that decision process is called :p

novacane
18-04-2005, 16:46:17
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
it's not because people can't read that they don't buy the fucking observer, it's because the paper doesn't meet their lifestyle concept

Damn right.....

King_Ghidra
18-04-2005, 16:52:49
what, you kept that image on your computer?!

novacane
18-04-2005, 16:55:51
No KG.

Its 2005. You can download images in seconds these days.......

Who let this neanderthal loose?

Funko
18-04-2005, 16:59:30
You can link them directly to where they are on the internet. See here:

http://www.counterglow.com/forum/misc.php?s=&action=bbcode#imgcode

King_Ghidra
18-04-2005, 17:00:54
novacane, you're quicker on the trigger finger than i thought, but considering it was you and your house mate who somehow managed to lose about 15 gig of music and porn from your computer, i thought you would be more careful with a word like neanderthal

novacane
18-04-2005, 17:02:40
;)You can link them directly to where they are on the internet. See here:

Yeah i knew that :nervous:

You hear that KG? Or should I send a messenger on horseback to your cave?

Funko
18-04-2005, 17:02:58
Apparently the reason the neanderthals died out was because they accidently deleted their porn and commited suicide. :confused:

Lurker
18-04-2005, 17:03:16
Does "suck harder, bitch" constitute advice, a request or a dream?

Gary
18-04-2005, 17:04:13
Eat my shorts

King_Ghidra
18-04-2005, 17:04:47
Originally posted by Lurker
Does "suck harder, bitch" constitute advice, a request or a dream?

well describe the situation your boss said it to you, that might help

novacane
18-04-2005, 17:06:43
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
novacane, you're quicker on the trigger finger than i thought, but considering it was you and your house mate who somehow managed to lose about 15 gig of music and porn from your computer, i thought you would be more careful with a word like neanderthal

I hope Gramercy sees this.........

That was a low blow KG. You know how upset we are over that and already disappointed at your failure to helpus rectify that situation. Low my friend. Very low

:mad:

Lurker
18-04-2005, 17:07:31
I bet "rectify" is one of KG's favorite words.

Lurker
18-04-2005, 19:00:16
Wash, rinse, repeat.

MoSe
19-04-2005, 08:59:00
Originally posted by DevilsH@lo
travel the world

and the 7 seas!