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Greg W
17-04-2005, 12:42:43
I am rather curious, and a bit morbid I must say, tonight. Well, the last couple of weeks really...

But, for those who have lost (whether they died, left you or whatever) the one person they loved more than anyone else. What kept you going? What made you get up and keep living? What inspired or forced you to keep going? What gave you a reason to look forward to the rest of your life? What gave you hope that something would come along to make you happy again?

I know, time heals all wounds, and all that lame arsed crap. But that doesn't help right here right now, really, does it? Anyway, for this once I am not going to post some lame arsed soap opera story of my fucking life again...

Let's just say I could do with some inspiration right about now tho.

Martini
17-04-2005, 13:01:58
Personally speaking, a double vodka and orange at 11am generally helps my feelings of utter worthlessness and crippling depression when I wake up and realise I will never be with the one I love ever again.

Yes, alcohol may well kill me one day, but until then it keeps me going :D

zmama
17-04-2005, 13:09:46
I'd say talking to your eq friend is your best medicine. Not about anything special...just everyday stuff. Connections outside of yourself.

Greg W
17-04-2005, 13:13:50
Well, without going into a whole lot of stuff, that hasn't been an option recently, and may be part of the larger problem in the end.

zmama
17-04-2005, 13:14:26
Oh sorry...I didn't know

Greg W
17-04-2005, 13:16:07
That's allright, I haven't told anyone... Well, hadn't...

Greg W
17-04-2005, 13:22:21
It's like some nights, all your thoughts turn black, and you put yourself into this spiral where there's nothing good to look forward to, and you find it hard to believe that there will be anything good again. You feel you've lost the most important things you ever wanted, and you can't see yourself ever finding them again.

So then you start asking yourself why you bother getting up and going to work, why you bother eating, why you bother doing anything, really.

It's all rather depressing, really.

Lazarus and the Gimp
17-04-2005, 14:03:18
The strongest human emotion is boredom. Eventually, sorrow gets dull and you stop doing it.

Greg W
17-04-2005, 15:47:57
Great. So, why should I look forward to the rest of my miserable life? Cos one day I'll get bored...

Venom
17-04-2005, 15:49:58
I starting drinking and go someplace to laugh at people.

mr.G
17-04-2005, 15:58:45
I began to post at CG and act like a retard.

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 17:12:51
Everyone grieves and thats natural and healthy but if you think your life is so worthless without another person, whether they died or left, it says that you dont trust yourself to provide your own happiness and that you feel dependent on someone else to make you happy. I don't think thats a healthy position to be in.

I think you're talking about romantic love particularly, and I got over one particularly bad breakup where I thought my life was over (I lost a stone in a week because I couldnt eat- all very dramatic) by finding new things to do in my life, and rebuilding my happiness, largely fuelled by anger to start with, but now I look back and think how much better off I am without him anyway. If someone leaves you, they dont love you, or you can't work together so what have you really lost?. You could be missing opportunities to meet the RIGHT person, or even just to have some fun if you get too hung up on a past relationship, so its self-defeating. You are not a reflection of the person who left you, you don't need them, you need YOU. You need you to be happy and healthy and fulfilled from inside so that it can't be taken away so easily again.

Bad things, inexplicable things, unexpected things happen to us all. My philosophy is that of a weeble- if you fall over you have to get back up again. As many times as necessary. Setbacks and crises make us stronger and wiser. If you hide from them, or constantly relive them you aren't really living. Its like being in a car thats stuck in mud- the wheels are spinning but you aren't really going anywhere. You have to get out of the car if you want to go somewhere.

I think its important to acknowledge your grief, feel it, and then come to a decision- do I want to feel happy or do I want to feel miserable? If you choose the former you'll start rebuilding your life, and finding things to do that put a smile on your face- revisit old friends, take up new activities, enjoy being independent again, and trusting yourself to be happy again and pretty soon you'll see that the grief bit is going away and the happiness is getting bigger.

I'd seriously spend 4 weeks moping and crying and not eating first though. You'll see how crap you feel and you'll never want to feel like that again.

You have a great life ahead of you, things change, situations pass, developments occur, you'll feel differently over time. This is just the bottom of the rollercoaster.

(((((Greg)))))

SS

Spartak
17-04-2005, 17:22:03
I would guess moping around for a couple of months is pretty high up the action list in these circumstances.

Good luck Greg.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
17-04-2005, 17:28:31
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
My philosophy is that of a weeble- if you fall over you have to get back up again.

Sounds like penguin philosophy.

Me, I'd try to focus on one or more of the following:

1) Identify that which is second most important in your life. There's gotta be something, even if you don't feel like there is.

2) Try to remember how you coped before you met the person who is no longer part of your life.

3) Look forward to the time when whatever's missing will, one way or another, be regained. And no, not through booze :D

Yeah, crappy advice, but it's how I did it.

mr.G
17-04-2005, 18:06:41
Originally posted by Greg W
Great. So, why should I look forward to the rest of my miserable life? Cos one day I'll get bored... No, one day your perspective changes.
people need these miserable things to grow as a person. sounds stupid but there is a better stronger Greg just around the corner...... take your time to feel miserable and a beer


:beer:

zmama
17-04-2005, 18:42:19
Yup, mr g actually has some sage advice :)

Gotta figure you are going to be miserable...allow yourself the indulgence. You are supposed to be sad/angry/hurt after a major life event like this. Forgive yourself for being human. Things will get better...then they'll be crap sometimes. As time goes on the better will overtake the crap.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
17-04-2005, 18:55:17
Originally posted by zmama
Yup, mr g actually has some sage advice :)

FORUM CRISIS!

zmama
17-04-2005, 18:56:23
I know...I think I may have to go lie down for a bit and recover :D

mr.G
17-04-2005, 18:57:59
:lol:

Cruddy
17-04-2005, 19:06:02
Grieving is very, very important.

I wasn't allowed to grieve when my first love died. I was only just a teenager too.

I spent a long time being angry. I got to 25 and realised I'd been dealt a shitty hand early in life. Which happens to a lot of people.

Now I'm mid 30s, I've mellowed and allowed myself to be human again.

Time really is a great healer. Athough you want to sue for malpractice at the beginning.

EDIT: I was't JUST angry in my early adult life. And I would have mellowed a lot quicker if I didn't enjoy being a depressed young adult.

Made me a good writer too. Hard to write well without fire in the belly.

Tizzy
17-04-2005, 19:17:08
As the others have said, you need to give yourself time. You are going to be angry/upset/depressed etc for a time and you need to get through that to get over it.

For me personally I dealt with it by getting very angry and very upset, but also by enjoying the things I didn't have/couldn't do in the relationship. And spending a lot of time with friends, people who cared about me and who would keep me sane basically.
It's not easy, but it's not impossible. You will get through it and you will be happy again. I know, sounds the same as the "time heals" stuff but it really is true, trust me. I'm happier now than I was for about 3 years.

As always Greg, shout if you want to talk.
*hug*

mr.G
17-04-2005, 19:42:33
hmmmmm I can't imagine an angry tizzy. ......... :tizzy:

OldWarrior_42
17-04-2005, 19:44:12
that of a weeble- if you fall over

Just a note of correction here.... weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.

:D

On a serious note Greg, DevilsH@lo and the others like Tizzy, Zmama et all said it very well.

By the way, what good does it do for you if you don't go on. Things won't change because you quit. Depression is normal. It comes to us for many different reasons. As I am going through my own. You just go and do things differently and find new things to keep going. And yes... lame ass a sit is, time does actually dull the pain. (So does pain killers but they can only go so far and for so long)

Good luck buddy, and just keep going. You owe it to yourself. Tom

Gibsie
17-04-2005, 21:17:16
Originally posted by DevilsH@lo

I think you're talking about romantic love particularly, and I got over one particularly bad breakup where I thought my life was over (I lost a stone in a week because I couldnt eat- all very dramatic) by finding new things to do in my life, and rebuilding my happiness, largely fuelled by anger to start with, but now I look back and think how much better off I am without him anyway. If someone leaves you, they dont love you, or you can't work together so what have you really lost?. You could be missing opportunities to meet the RIGHT person, or even just to have some fun if you get too hung up on a past relationship, so its self-defeating. You are not a reflection of the person who left you, you don't need them, you need YOU. You need you to be happy and healthy and fulfilled from inside so that it can't be taken away so easily again.


This was precisely how I handled things after I got dumped by my girlfriend of four years at Christmas. Since my girlfriend was basically my everything at the time, my only choice was to wallow in self-pity, or rebuild my life from the ground-up. The first option is never any fun but the second was a continuation of what I was trying to do with my life anyway, and within a month I had completely uprooted myself to a new area, made new friends (As well as getting support from friends I already had) and so on. It works, definitely!

[what a first post]

OldWarrior_42
17-04-2005, 22:07:22
[what a first post]

But a good one nonetheless.

And welcome to the jungle. :)

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
17-04-2005, 22:33:24
Originally posted by Tizzy
shout if you want to talk

:clueless:

Lazarus and the Gimp
17-04-2005, 22:54:46
Don't listen to the poofters! Have a beer then wank yourself into a coma.

Gibsie
17-04-2005, 22:57:09
My plan didn't necessarily exclude that route :P

JM^3
18-04-2005, 00:32:00
I have never been in love...

but I have lost a sister and a father

trying to not think of them works after a while, usually

but you will think of them at odd times, and wish things were different, and have dreams where they are still alive

can be the oddest things that will remind you of them, and how you wish they were still in your life

although I still have this
"So then you start asking yourself why you bother getting up and going to work, why you bother eating, why you bother doing anything, really."

but I think that is just depression and not related really to my father's (and sister's) deaths

Jon Miller
(my sister actually died much longer ago, when I was young, and my memories of her are suspect (I am sure a number of them are after her death and dreams) but she was my best freind at the time)

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 00:41:22
Not thinking about loved ones is crazy- they were an important part of your life. I think about my Dad every day in some form or another. I would hate to lock his memory away in a box like he never existed. Its not healthy. Plus he comes to me in dreams with messages and stuff, and wakes me up sometimes like he used to- his mother did that to him after she passed over too. Guaranteed to have you jump out of bed!!

This is what happens when you come from a family of psychics, witches, and seventh daughters of seventh daughters.

MOBIUS
18-04-2005, 01:19:55
It just occurred to me that today is my Gran's birthday. She died about 7 years ago.

Greg W
18-04-2005, 01:25:34
The main thing that gets me is that I have probably lost the only chance that I'll have to have kids. I'm getting too old now, I never wanted to be one of those ancient fathers who are in nursing homes when their kids reach the age of 15. Slight exaggeration, but you get the idea.

35 was always the upper limit for me, and that's far too close now to be able to find someone else I'd want to have kids with. Between getting over this relationship, building myself up to be able to love myself and thus someone else again, meeting someone special, having them accept certain things about me that go with me and having kids (just take my word for it, they're biggies), and then getting married and having kids... Well, not enough time.

And the worst thing - I cannot feel angry at her. If I could, that would help immensely. But I am too understanding, too forgiving. All I can feel is sad that it came to this. Sad that my biggest dreams will now remain just that, forever.

Sorry, but right now I can't see how time is going to be able to fix that one. In fact, it will make it even more unattainable.

:sigh:

MOBIUS
18-04-2005, 01:32:16
Sperm Bank?

Not that I am trying to trivialise your predicament too much...

You've still got plenty of time, even if you had kids at 42 you'd still only be 60 when they reached 18 and that's not much older than Ming is now...;)

That gives you 7 years to get someone up the duff that you wouldn't mind raising children with!:)

Greg W
18-04-2005, 01:52:09
I wish it were as easy as infertility or something similar. No.

60 is far too old.

Off to work. About the only thing keeping me sane atm. And I'll probably lose that in July/August. Yay!

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
18-04-2005, 05:16:38
I went to an 18th for one of my friends and high school once. His parent were in their sixties. Everyone thought they were his grandparents. It was... awkward.

Even more so when they brought out the cake with two candles on top, a 1 and an 8. They brought it out to that it faced away from everyone, and I called out "Hey, you're 81!" Never before have I received such a dirty look from old people.

Diss
18-04-2005, 08:25:05
I never lost any loved ones. My father died. But I can't say I loved him all that much. He was an alcoholic, and my childhood sucked. 'nuff said.

Gary
18-04-2005, 09:28:00
Knowing there was no sensible alternative. Realising and continually telling myself that life has to have downs as well as ups, and that I was happy before and so will be again if I just took each day at a time. Knowing I can't always get what I want. Learnnig acceptance.

Oh and lots of deep breaths and insisting you've been sad for the last xxx minutes, time to put it in the back of the mind and get on for a while now.

I think sometimes you just have to be a little hard on yourself and betwen the periods of letting the emotions go, telling yourself the home truths you know to be so.

Darkstar
18-04-2005, 11:52:08
Humm...

Well, what kept me going was that I'd promised to take care of my grandmother, no matter what. That meant I had to stick around and do well enough to be able to look after her, when the time may come.

As for what you do... you obsess with work. You should do new things, things you never did with her. Things she wouldn't permit. Hang out with your friends a lot. Don't get drunk to often... A couple of times a month (or whatever... just remember a seriously depressed drunk that just broke up with their special one is a real bother to their friends, so don't do it to often).

The trick is to give yourself time away from the dark pit. If you stay depressed in the same house you shared with them, it won't help you out. You need to get out, and do other things until it gets off your mind for a bit. You don't want to bottle it all in, of course, but you don't want to waddle around in it constantly either. You need time to get some mind space between you and the pit. The longer in time between you and the break up or loss, the easier it is to get out of the mental pit. In that sense, time heals all wounds. If you stick around long enough, you'll appreciate that you didn't just let yourself stay in the pit and do nothing.

Good luck.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 12:27:15
Greg, if you set yourself limits and rules like not having kids after 35, you're writing yourself off. Life just isn't that simple so why are you trying to fit things into neat little boxes? Plenty of people have kids later in life now, and there are lots of reasons to do so- financial stability, greater life experience, more certainty of staying with your partner etc. If women can damn well bear kids into their 40's, you can certainly run around a football pitch and mop up dirty nappies.

I know you're feeling bad right now, and thats understandable, but making things even more rigid and hard on yourself will only make you feel ten times as bad. I realised yesterday that I've just gone a month too far to ever have kids in my twenties- not that I'm particularly planning on it but hey its nice to have choices. Still- my life didnt work out that way so why sit and mope or say 'I'm never having kids then!' Maybe in my thirties will be the right time. Maybe your forties will be the right time for you, or your late thirties (not unusual for men by any stretch). At this point in time you don't know who you'll meet or what will happen in the next year, let alone the next 5-10 years, and if you're in your thirties now you can impregnate a woman for at least the next 30 years. You might meet someone who is ten years younger than you and find that the balance of age is just right. YOu might meet someone the same age who has kids and wants another with you. YOu might meet someone and find that you both decide not to have kids....the possibilities are endless!!!

If you stay fit and healthy, there's no reason at all not to have kids later on- a loved child is a loved child, irrespective of parental age. My Dad was 35 when he had me, and he died when I was 24, so relative youth is no guarantee of sticking around for longer- you could have a kid at 40 and live to be 80 or 90 and give your kid all those extra years. YOu could have had a kid in your twenties and died in a car crash 2 days later. No one knows whats around the corner when they have kids, you can only try to love them. Age is irrelevant. There are all kinds of dads- mine was a history loving book reading dad, he wouldnt set foot on a sports field but he'd happily trail round cathedrals and castles for hours, which I loved. I think you're buying into a stereotype of what a Dad should be. A Dad should love you and look out for you, end of story.

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Please.

Provost Harrison
18-04-2005, 12:31:10
Yeah, I have learnt not to make plans like that...the only ones I can (provisionally) make are around my career but the whole lovelife side of things is pretty much written off at this point until there is a change in circumstance. However I also feel time is against me...a lot of things have taken longer to fall into place than I would ever have thought.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 12:37:38
Originally posted by Greg W
Sad that my biggest dreams will now remain just that, forever.

:sigh:

Dreams aren't a fixed point, they change with reality. You can change your dreams, adapt them, have them grow with you. YOu've found yourself in an unexpected position, start dreaming new dreams. Be fluid. People who have fixed ideas about what they want and when rarely get them because life isnt a film that plays out exactly as you want it. It throws stuff in your way and forces you to change course sometimes. You have every possibility of being a great Dad, rather than a Dad under 35 if you let yourself dream THAT dream.

Funko
18-04-2005, 12:39:51
PH, It's never time to write off the love life side of things. You need some confidence. The problem is that it's something that's very hard to come by unless you have a bit of success and it's very hard to get any success unless you have the confidence to make the effort to try. So yes, it's catch 22 but unless you try you'll never succeed.

Try some of the online dating places maybe... at the very least it'll give you some practice talking to girls with you both aware that there is potentially more to it than just friendship. Can be a bit of a confidence booster.

Greg W
18-04-2005, 12:42:48
Thanks SS, however everyone has a way that they believe certain things should happen. Some believe in having kids out of wedlock, some believe they must wait till they're married. Some believe that age doesn't matter when it comes to being a parent. I happen to believe, and have always believed, that once you reach 35, you're getting awfully close to that age limit.

I'm not writing my chances off completely, just facing reality that my best chance and my best years have passed me by in that respect. And that I don't have long to go. Unfortunately, I also don't believe in kids out of wedlock, nor in quick marriages. So, whaddya gonna do, eh?

Thanks for the thoughts, however this is one thing I believe pretty firmly in, and always have believed in. Something miraculous may happen to change my mind, but I find it unlikely.

And it hurts. It's the one thing that can almost get me angry at her, for taking that away from me.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 12:45:30
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
Yeah, I have learnt not to make plans like that...the only ones I can (provisionally) make are around my career but the whole lovelife side of things is pretty much written off at this point until there is a change in circumstance. However I also feel time is against me...a lot of things have taken longer to fall into place than I would ever have thought.

As they say- Life is what happens while you're making other plans.

Time isnt against anyone, but people pit themselves against time, which is dumb. We all do the best we can in the circumstances we find ourselves, and we all have to adapt.

Greg W
18-04-2005, 12:48:48
Whilst that was directed at PH:

I agree there's no time limit on some things to do with love. I am not in any way saying I'll never find love again, and PH shouldn't write himself off, nor set a time limit for finding love.

Darkstar
18-04-2005, 12:50:59
Greg, getting mad is part of getting better. Or at least, getting over her. Don't fight it. Give into your anger. Then go knock the snot out of some silly little (sports) ball. ;)

Greg W
18-04-2005, 12:53:14
I wish my job let me play sports. I could do with something to throw myself into physically. I work too many weekends, and too long each weekday, unfortunately.

The thing is, I can't get mad. Wish I could. As I said, I can almost get mad at that, but I can't even do that. Not like she deliberately did this to me just to screw my life...

mr.G
18-04-2005, 12:53:15
:beer:

Greg W
18-04-2005, 12:54:04
Nice X-post too Mr G.

Funko
18-04-2005, 12:54:36
Greg - It sounds to me like you are properly depressed. This is a pretty common thing, happens to a lot of people but it's a proper problem and needs sorting.

You might feel now that you are miserable because things are shit but it's amazing how different things seem, bad as they might be, when you aren't actually depressed. It's hard when you are depressed to get angry with someone else because you feel so down, and miserable within yourself that you find it much easier to blame yourself for everything going, or to assume that actually you probably deserve it.

Basically you are a young single guy, a really nice one at that. You are pretty fucked up now but you can get through it.

I think that it's your belief that you can't have kids after 35 years old then technically it's you taking that opportunity away from yourself I think, there's no reason you can't still have kids you are still young!

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 12:55:09
Originally posted by Greg W
Thanks SS, however everyone has a way that they believe certain things should happen. Some believe in having kids out of wedlock, some believe they must wait till they're married. Some believe that age doesn't matter when it comes to being a parent. I happen to believe, and have always believed, that once you reach 35, you're getting awfully close to that age limit.

I'm not writing my chances off completely, just facing reality that my best chance and my best years have passed me by in that respect. And that I don't have long to go. Unfortunately, I also don't believe in kids out of wedlock, nor in quick marriages. So, whaddya gonna do, eh?

Thanks for the thoughts, however this is one thing I believe pretty firmly in, and always have believed in. Something miraculous may happen to change my mind, but I find it unlikely.

And it hurts. It's the one thing that can almost get me angry at her, for taking that away from me.

Thats just my point though- you have built a belief that things should happen a certain way, but you've just illustrated that things dont have to happen that way for many people, so that means they dont have to for you either. Its nice when relaity echoes personal beliefs but it doesnt always happen. YOur best years have certainly not passed you by, and being angry at someone else for 'taking away' your chances is just abdicating responsibility for your future because you still have that chance. I'm not trying to belittle what you feel, just to make you see that you can still have what you want with a cherry on top, if you can only reassess your situation. I know it seems bad now, but I honestly think that you will in all probability meet someone else eventually and it will be the right thing to do at that time and you won't care if you are over 35 because it will cease to be relevant. Don't let beliefs stand in the way of happiness, beliefs can be changed.

Provost Harrison
18-04-2005, 12:55:47
I'm a bit of an enigma in that respect. I am not shy or retiring and I am not unconfident. Unless I explicitly tell someone that I am celibate they have no idea (other than when they realise how I never talk about a girlfriend over a prolonged period of time). I feel my confidence is a lot higher so I feel it is more a matter of (1)inertia and (2)enjoying my own independence and space. Perhaps I just don't want it enough to stick my neck out.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 12:59:32
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
I'm a bit of an enigma in that respect. I am not shy or retiring and I am not unconfident. Unless I explicitly tell someone that I am celibate they have no idea (other than when they realise how I never talk about a girlfriend over a prolonged period of time). I feel my confidence is a lot higher so I feel it is more a matter of (1)inertia and (2)enjoying my own independence and space. Perhaps I just don't want it enough to stick my neck out.

I sensed the enigma when I saw the pics of you slumped in a corner drunk ;) :D

Darkstar
18-04-2005, 12:59:58
Originally posted by Greg W
I wish my job let me play sports. I could do with something to throw myself into physically. I work too many weekends, and too long each weekday, unfortunately.

The thing is, I can't get mad. Wish I could. As I said, I can almost get mad at that, but I can't even do that. Not like she deliberately did this to me just to screw my life...

Don't worry. It comes along. Even when you understand everything and why, the anger will come along. It does for most people anyways. It can make you feel like a real child when it happens to you, but it really is just your emotions moving forward.

What do you have time for? Martial art lessons? Anything full contact could be good. I suppose you are too old to go moshing, but a bit of brainless controlled and channeled physical exertions can be very helpful.

Funko
18-04-2005, 13:04:46
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
I'm a bit of an enigma in that respect. I am not shy or retiring and I am not unconfident. Unless I explicitly tell someone that I am celibate they have no idea (other than when they realise how I never talk about a girlfriend over a prolonged period of time). I feel my confidence is a lot higher so I feel it is more a matter of (1)inertia and (2)enjoying my own independence and space. Perhaps I just don't want it enough to stick my neck out.

Sounds like the kind of thing I'd have said a while back when I was all messed up. You have absolutely nothing to lose so there is no neck sticking out to do.

There is a difference between being confident in general and being confident with girls. A huge difference.

Greg W
18-04-2005, 13:06:53
I wouldn't read too much into me not being able to get angry. That's just me. I don't hold grudges (most of the time), and I rarely stay angry for long.

I may be depressed. Dunno. But I don't blame myself for anything. Nor do I believe that I deserve any of this shit. I am just annoyed at what life has thrown at me. I haven't done squat to deserve this. I'm just sad that life has decided to screw me over.

Maybe something better will eventually come out of it. But for now, I've lost so much that it fucking hurts. I can't see that as anything but normal. I've lost my best friend, my lover, the person that, to me, made me complete. And when she left, she took away the plans that I had for the rest of my life. And she didn't even leave me with any way to be angry with her because of it.

No, my life isn't over. But a large chapter of it has been closed, and certain things are less likely because of that. Facing that is merely reality. There's still a chance, but it's getting smaller.

I need to face a new reality, that may or may not contain love, that may or may not contain kids, that may or may not contain a lot of things that up until 18 months ago, I had taken for granted. That's a fucking big change to face after being with the same person for 13 years.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:12:11
thats why you need to be kind to yourself and stop applying pressure.

Facing up to stuff isnt what you need now, you need to wallow for a bit, thats natural.

After the wallowing comes the getting better, but we're just trying to say that that WILL happen for you, when you're ready, even though it doesnt feel that way now.


((((HUGZ))))

MoSe
18-04-2005, 13:13:54
MY GOD, if CG has become a serious place like this, I'm glad I've got less time to post now!
:) :p

And anyway, what's all this fuss about being happy?
You can live serene and content, being happy is the occasional icing... I don't want (and can't right now) delve into this... :D

Greg, why don't you do what every serious Aussie does sooner or later?
Take a year off and travel to Europe!
You'll have a berth in Italy :coolgrin:

Greg W
18-04-2005, 13:22:35
If I lose my job in July (another thing that'd getting me down) when my traineeship finishes, I may very well travel for a bit. About the only good thing to come out of my marriage falling apart is the fact that I now have a lot of money for someone my age, and if my job does fall through, I will probably want to travel.

Oh, and SS, I'm not trying to apply pressure. It's just that when I go to bed all alone, with nobody to hold me, I start thinking of everything from what I've lost, to what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. I try and stop myself, but my mind won't stop thinking, nor my heart stop hurting. Time will help, I know. It's just fucking hard though, and it fucking hurts. Lots and often.

Darkstar
18-04-2005, 13:28:59
Greg,

if it happens, just remember to not blame yourself too much for getting mad. It tends to happen. Maybe you won't do that, but most people do. I'm a soft-hearted guy in RL. I cannot hold a grudge for long, and don't stay mad for long. And I got mad and held a grudge for a good bit. It's just one of the ways that your mind may use to cope with it all, for a while.

Your problem is that life hasn't screwed you. Only your SO and yourself have done that. You are still alive, and you have the same opportunities today you had yesterday. It just feels that all of life is screwing you. Not much you can do about that, except to go do other things to keep your mind occupied for a bit. Eventually, you will get feeling better. If you just give yourself time.

Anyway, I'm too tired. Going to lay down for a bit. I hope you get feeling better.

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 13:47:01
Originally posted by Greg W
If I lose my job in July (another thing that'd getting me down) when my traineeship finishes, I may very well travel for a bit. About the only good thing to come out of my marriage falling apart is the fact that I now have a lot of money for someone my age, and if my job does fall through, I will probably want to travel.

Oh, and SS, I'm not trying to apply pressure. It's just that when I go to bed all alone, with nobody to hold me, I start thinking of everything from what I've lost, to what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. I try and stop myself, but my mind won't stop thinking, nor my heart stop hurting. Time will help, I know. It's just fucking hard though, and it fucking hurts. Lots and often.

I know. Its shit.

Come to England and get rat arsed. :)

Greg W
18-04-2005, 13:52:11
We'll see.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts too. I'm sure this is helping. Just being able to share it (in a very retarded way, I know) helps somewhat...

Tizzy
18-04-2005, 14:03:16
That's the other cliche that does hold true, talking (/typing/whatever) does help.
And strange as it seems now, there will come a time when talking about it doesn't hurt any more.

Greg W
18-04-2005, 14:08:01
This is a song that has seemed to really fit for me recently. Especially the second verse.

Cold Chisel - Forever Now

Taking her seat at the bar
She don't talk to anyone
Plane leaving soon for afar
Where she don't know anyone
She thinks of her precious time
There's no-one she leaves behind
Who could change her mind

Is this the way it's gonna be forever
Is this the way it's gonna be forever
Is this the way it's gonna be
Forever now

Take a whole life's lonliness
Wrap it up in some tenderness
Send it off to some emptiness
With all my love
Cos it's only you and me
There'll be nothing we need to see
Only one thing can set you free
Is all my love

Making his way down the stairs
He can't help but looking back
Thinks of the things that they shared
There'll be no more turning back
He thinks of the day they met
The words that she said of love
He just can't forget

Just the way they wanna be forever
Just the way they wanna be forever
Tell me it will always be
Forever now

Take a whole life's lonliness
Wrap it up in some tenderness
Send it off to some emptiness
With all my love
It's only you and me
There'll be nothing we need to see
Only one thing can set you free
Is all my love
It's only you and me
There'll be nothing we need to see
Only one thing can set you free
Is all our love, oh yeah

Greg W
18-04-2005, 14:09:56
And yeah, it does help some Tizzy. As retarded as it makes me feel.

Tizzy
18-04-2005, 14:13:54
There's worse things than feeling retarded :)
If it helps, who gives?

Funko
18-04-2005, 14:15:29
Is feeling a retard worse?

DevilsH@lo
18-04-2005, 14:17:35
its not retarded to talk about stuff. Its good. It'd be more worrying if you were bottling it all up.

We've all been in the dark place at some time so its our duty to help those who fall in after us!

Greg W
18-04-2005, 14:29:24
No, what feels retarded is talking about it on an internet forum. I just have nobody else who I wish to talk about it too. So you lot get it, and I feel retarded...

Venom
18-04-2005, 14:55:23
It's not retarded. It's sad.

Greg W
18-04-2005, 14:56:47
Yes. I feel sad and retarded.

Woinderful, ain't it?

Venom
18-04-2005, 15:09:48
As long as you don't kill yourself it will get better.

Greg W
18-04-2005, 15:12:06
The thought had entered my mind...

Venom
18-04-2005, 15:27:39
Don't make Scabrous call your school looking for you.

Lurker
18-04-2005, 15:37:45
Originally posted by Funko


Try some of the online dating places maybe... at the very least it'll give you some practice talking to girls with you both aware that there is potentially more to it than just friendship. Can be a bit of a confidence booster.

Uhm, and hide the photos.

mr.G
18-04-2005, 15:38:59
:lol: