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Oerdin
16-04-2005, 14:23:06
Did you ever have one of those nights? I did and it sucked plus it ended up being the first big fight my girlfriend Morgan and I got into. Now it's 6am and I'm still drinking so I will inflict my patheticness upon you folks.

Last night My girlfriend Morgan, my college friend Aman (a sikh fellow), his girlfriend Amretha, and I decided to go to a Crystal Method concert. In any even the concert started 2.5 hours late and by speaking to one of the bouncers (who I'd gone to high school with back in the 1990's) I found out the reason was the two man techno band was coked out beyond belief and they had them in the back trying to sobber them up enough to get onto stage.

In any event Morgan started to dig into me about choosing a concert which starts so late (like I knew about the band's coke habit) and she was being very stand offish. she wanted to go dancing but my friend Aman had said he wanted to talk to me in private so I told her to go on ahead and I'd catch up (which didn't go over well). In any event Morgan leaves to go dance and Amretha goes to keep her company while I speak with Aman. It turns out Aman is thinking about asking Amretha to marry him and he wants me to go with him to buy a ring. I'm flattered and we talk about if he's sure or not (he is) and we have a few whiskeys to celibrate.

A fair amount of time has passed so we decide to go track down the girls and when we find them Amretha is dancing by herself while Morgan is dirty dancing with some Mexican guy. I don't get jealous but I do cut in and say "If you don't mind I'd like to dance with my girlfriend now" to which the Mexican fellow objects. We don't get into a fight but I do suggest he go find himself his own girlfriend because this young lady was taken. We have a few words then finally he fucks. No sooner does he leave then Morgan starts accussing me of beinh a jealous boyfriend (far from the truth) and she said if I'd paid enough attention to her she wouldn't have been dancing with the Mexican guy to begin with.

I tell her she's right and that I just had to discuse some important stuff with my friend and couldn't we just drop it? She's still miffed and says she's going to go to the bathroom and I can wait for her at the table. Aman, Amretha, and I go back to the table and Morgan doesn't come back. I figure fuck it and Aman and I start drinking more whiskey. We get pretty fucked up and Amretha decides she's bored with hanging out with two drinking guys and she goes off to find Morgan.

Any way I have no idea where Morgan went for 40 minute (and it doesn't really matter she's a free girl) and eventually she comes back with Amretha and we watch the rest of the concert. The concert ends and since Aman and I are still kind of drunk we spend an hour in a coffee shop sobbering up.

3am rolls around and we decide to get in the car and go home. When we get to my car I realize my car key isn't in my pocket and I must have dropped it when I had pulled money out of my pocket to pay the waitress for the whiskeys. Naturally, the club is now closed and locked up tight with my key in it. I'm in a world of shit and everyone is pissed so I decide to call my father and see if he can't bring over the spare emergency keys I had given him just for such an occation. Luckily, he anwsers and I tell him I got kind of drunk and dropped my key so wouldn't he be so kind as to drive downtown and bring me my spare key? He says no probelm and jumps in the car.

Morgan is clearly angery with me. She starts in with the "Your a losy drunk and why can't you keep track of one bloody key" bit. I tell her I'm sorry and that it was an honest mistake which I shall not be repeating again so their is no need to berate me for it. I felt bad enough as it is. I jimmied the rear hatch and crawled in through the trunk and once the car was unlocked she seemed to be mullified a bit.

Eventualy my father shows up but he didn't bring the car key with him as we had discussed. He told me I had been drinking and it was better to just leave my car there. I point out that I hadn't been drinking for a good two hours and if the car was still here at 5am they would tow it. He agrees to go back and get my spare key and I have him drive Aman & his girl home while Morgan and I wait with my car. No sooner do they leave then all bloody hell breaks loss with Morgan accussing me of everything from jealousy to incompetence to not paying enough attention to her. (I'm guilty of incompetance with my car key but I really wasn't ever jealous and I really do pay scads of attention to the young girl. We end up having quite a row of it.

My father takes his time getting back there and 5am rolls around. The lot attendant starts talking about how there's no over night parking and my car will be towed if I don't move it. I explain I've misplaced my key and that my father is bring a spare one if he will just wait a while. Just when the fellow is about to call a tow truck my father finally arrives and gives me the spare key. I thank him and he goes back home.

As I'm driving back home Morgan is entirely silenty and I decide it's likely better if I don't try to set her off. Finally she says "You're jst not going to talk to me then?" And I say to her I was being quiet because I thought she was angry with me but that I'd love to resolve things if we could. That wasn't the right thing to say since she once again started scream at me while I was trying to drive. She even accussed my of trying to ignore her since I was busy watching the road instead of looking at her.

To make a long story short(er) Morgan didn't end up going home with me like we had planned and I dropped her off at home. I'm currently very angry because although I did a bonehead thing by getting drunk and losing my key we were drinking for a decent reason (my friend's decision to ask his girlfriend to marry him; which hasn't happened yet) and it wasn't my fault the band started so late. I have a decent reason to be angry about her bumping and grinding with another man but I didn't get angry and even when he acted like an ass I was still polite if direct. There was no brawling or name calling much less fighting.

This has been Morgan and mine's first fight in 10 weeks of dating and I quite put out about it and I'm feeling like it's at least her fault. I'l likely have to crawl back and say it's my fault but I'm still going to resent it.

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 14:45:00
I suppose as well as putting the warning "long" in the title I should have also put "pointless".

Lazarus and the Gimp
16-04-2005, 14:58:34
If you aren't a total lightweight, you do realise you were probably over the blood/alcohol limit to drive?

Dyl Ulenspiegel
16-04-2005, 15:19:47
"I jimmied the rear hatch and crawled in through the trunk"

:hmm:

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 15:38:19
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
If you aren't a total lightweight, you do realise you were probably over the blood/alcohol limit to drive?

Yeah, likely intially I was. By the time 5am rolled around though I had three hours of stewing so no problem.

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 15:39:18
Originally posted by Dyl Ulenspiegel
"I jimmied the rear hatch and crawled in through the trunk"

:hmm:

SUV. I didn't lock the back hatch so the jimmying took the form of pushing the button then crawling through.

MRT144
16-04-2005, 15:39:37
arent you glad she isnt moving in now?

Lazarus and the Gimp
16-04-2005, 15:50:26
Is it worth mentioning that I've been with Mrs Gimp for 13 years, and we've never had a real row?

MRT144
16-04-2005, 16:00:23
<----jealous

protein
16-04-2005, 16:24:37
Let me guess, you drive better when you've had a few?

mr.G
16-04-2005, 16:39:09
:lol: @ protein

protein
16-04-2005, 16:50:01
Maybe it's a cultural thing. Over here it's generally considered bad form to kill people when your drunk in charge of a vehicle.

Beta1
16-04-2005, 17:04:37
I'm with protein.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
16-04-2005, 17:43:59
I don't really see the sense in drinking to get drunk when you're ticked off. But then I don't much see the sense in drinking anyhow :) So I don't understand that bit.

From the little I know about women :D I'd say Morgan had something else bothing her and was taking it out on your perceived failures that night.

Or maybe you're leaving out the part where you run over her dog or something.

DevilsH@lo
16-04-2005, 18:35:40
Danger Will Robinson!!

Everyone fucks up and loses things when they're drunk, big deal. It sounds like you were polite and reasonable, just a bit drunk. It sounds like she was rude and insecure and acting like a spoilt baby. Screaming at you is way over the top and totally immature, it shows a lack of respect especially as you had said you wanted to resolve things. Thats a cue for most people to calm down and be reasonable, but it sounds like she was manipulating you to feel guilty- which has worked because now you think you have to apologise.

Don't fall for it.

Find a woman who appreciates your bumbling drunkenness, and one who has some good grace!!

Satsuma

PS of course her side of the story will be totally different and her friends are telling her how unreasonable you are ;)

Provost Harrison
16-04-2005, 18:44:17
Originally posted by Oerdin
Yeah, likely intially I was. By the time 5am rolled around though I had three hours of stewing so no problem.

Not long enough if you've drunk as much as you've made out mate...

I wouldn't put up with that shit. Wait it out. If it's over, it's over...

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 19:39:52
Originally posted by protein
Let me guess, you drive better when you've had a few?

No. Last drink at around 1:30. Originally was going to get into car at 3:30. Actually got into car 5:15am. I wasn't that fucked up to begin with and I most certainly was fine by 5am and I very likely was fine at 3:30am. My father thought sine I was calling him at 3 in the morning and I had lost my keys that I must be drunk.

The truth was a I was drunk around 11 ish but hours had passed.

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 19:40:31
Originally posted by protein
Maybe it's a cultural thing. Over here it's generally considered bad form to kill people when your drunk in charge of a vehicle.

Except I wasn't.

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 19:42:39
Originally posted by Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
Or maybe you're leaving out the part where you run over her dog or something.

No, no killing her house hold pets.. There must be something though.

Provost Harrison
16-04-2005, 19:50:54
So how many did you have? If you were still drinking until 1:30am then you would still be drunk...

protein
16-04-2005, 19:57:03
http://www.dundee.ac.uk/forensicmedicine/llb/bac/sld006.htm

I don't mean to be a predictable left wing party pooper but for fuck's sake, you don't sober up in three and a half hours. You were drunk enough to cause a scene and nearly get into a fight with someone and drunk enough lose your keys. You would have to wait at least nine hours and you'd probably still be over the limit then.

Do you love your girlfriend enough to stop her getting into a car with a drunk driver?

Spartak
16-04-2005, 20:07:09
Yeah. What everyone said since I can't be bothered to actually read such a long thread and I have no idea whatsoever what this is all about.

More seriously, what does it achieve sharing your problems with abunch of gay twat strangers over the internet?

Provost Harrison
16-04-2005, 20:07:31
Ditto protein...

protein
16-04-2005, 20:08:46
Unless of course you only had two units. Then that would take three hours to metabolise.

one small whisky = one and a half hours.
one large whisky = three hours
two large whiskys = six hours
etc

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 20:12:18
Alright I'll remember that.

I suppose Spartak was also right that this isn't a very CG thread and next time I'll just skip the whole thing.

Provost Harrison
16-04-2005, 20:12:23
Well you can knock a few hours off those to be below the limit though...

Provost Harrison
16-04-2005, 20:13:28
Spartak is right, I have shared stuff in the past which I wish I'd not shared as people have a knack of using it against me. There are a lot of arseholes at poly and I won't be so naive in future...

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 20:19:51
I at least was smart enough not to make a thread there.

Spartak
16-04-2005, 20:21:05
Originally posted by Oerdin
Alright I'll remember that.

I suppose Spartak was also right that this isn't a very CG thread and next time I'll just skip the whole thing. Its nice that you share with us but honestly who is going to give you decent advice here? Unless its simply enough to vent in which case was the absue you got here about drinking worth it?

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
16-04-2005, 20:44:08
I don't know if that's entirely true, Spartak. We do have a history of faking fun of people who post about small problems. The larger ones do get some serious attention on occasion. This one's somewhere in the middle, and it's hit and miss what kind of advice he'll get (as you can see from the above).

Spartak
16-04-2005, 20:54:29
Mostly miss.... and you are right. I'm just trying to be unhelpful.

Oerdin
16-04-2005, 21:01:08
I really should stop posting while drinking. That opening post is terrible.

Venom
16-04-2005, 21:09:33
I'd have killed her while she slept.

Beta1
16-04-2005, 21:20:34
see who said you only get bad advice here!

Provost Harrison
16-04-2005, 22:16:36
Spartak

(PHd :D)

MOBIUS
16-04-2005, 23:57:19
Did you ever get a chance to tell her that your friend had something really important to say? Seems to me that would allow you to mitigate the loss of the keys.

Otherwise she is acting totally out of order and seems like a bit of a loose cannon. She could be showing her true colours after the initial honeymoon period of a new relationship and trying to control/manipulate you - probably a sign that she is at best insecure and at worst a psycho bunny boiler.

Were you guys going to move in together? Maybe she's pissed about that not happening and lashing out.

I would explain what happened and why but don't apologise for it unless you get her to accept part of the blame otherwise she'll have 'won' and probably respect you less as in her mind her accusations will have been justified.

My g/f is called Morgan too.:)

Provost Harrison
17-04-2005, 00:01:29
Funny name for a girlfriend...

http://aliencrossfire.civ3.de/group/people/morgan.jpg

Cruddy
17-04-2005, 00:10:18
Oerdin - you need a real heart to heart talk with your girlfriend, to set some parameters up.

You drinking and getting angry - that's one area you have to give a little in. Her dancing with other blokes - that's an area she has to give a little.

I wouldn't give the EXACT reason why you left her to dance alone - just tell her Aman needed some serious advice about his relationship. Which is true. When she pouts and accuses you of holding back - give a little more, say he's thinking of marrying his girl.

That's a wonderful opening for you to ask her where it's going - do you need boundaries? Some little protocol for when either of you has serious stuff to do without the other?

I'm not the best at relationships, I'll admit that. But I hope these ideas help to mend a couple of fences.

notyoueither
17-04-2005, 01:37:25
Originally posted by Spartak
More seriously, what does it achieve sharing your problems with abunch of gay twat strangers over the internet?

And what does it achieve showing you possess the empathetic ability of a fence post?

More seriously, have you never seen any other threads where someone wanted to vent and thought they might pick up some good advice?

notyoueither
17-04-2005, 01:49:25
Originally posted by Oerdin

I suppose Spartak was also right that this isn't a very CG thread and next time I'll just skip the whole thing.

Piss on Spartak. If he didn't want to read about a wide range of things he could turn his computer off.

Meanwhile, you have two problems. One, you have some silly ideas about waiting a couple hours after moderate to heavy drinking and then you'll be fine. Problem is that many people have very bad judgement about when they are fine or not after a certain amount. I'm not sure what it takes for different people to 'get it'. The last time I drove after drinking I woke up the next day and counted my blessings that nothing bad happened. Then it struck me that that wasn't the first time. Then I thought about what life would be like if I killed someone while driving in that state. Then I have never driven again after having more than a pint. Anyways, you've been ragged on enough, I just wanted to relate my lucky story.

Your girl is a whole other kettle of fish, but I share the opinion of some others that you've been warned. Her behaviour is pretty outrageous if what you have recounted is accurate. Danger Will Robinson, indeed.

Oerdin
17-04-2005, 05:02:23
Originally posted by MOBIUS
Otherwise she is acting totally out of order and seems like a bit of a loose cannon. She could be showing her true colours after the initial honeymoon period of a new relationship and trying to control/manipulate you - probably a sign that she is at best insecure and at worst a psycho bunny boiler.

She does seem to like being the center of attention. I'm not sure I like that.


Were you guys going to move in together? Maybe she's pissed about that not happening and lashing out.

She floated the idea and I told her I wasn't ready for that yet. It was just to soon and I wanted to see if things would work over the long haul before taking such a life changing step. I'm glad I did.


I would explain what happened and why but don't apologise for it unless you get her to accept part of the blame otherwise she'll have 'won' and probably respect you less as in her mind her accusations will have been justified.

My g/f is called Morgan too.:)

That's the plan. I'm also going to not call her for a few days and hopefully she comes back to me with some gesture of reconcillation. What worriies me most is if she gets bent out of shape over such minor things (the show starting late, me wanting to talk to a friend instead of dancing with her, me drinking a bit to much on occasion) then what happens when something big goes wrong?

I'm not the jealous type but it did bug me that she pretty much went out and started bumping and grinding with that other guy for the sole reason of getting back at me and/or getting my attention. That just seems manipulative to me.

Oerdin
17-04-2005, 05:11:14
My plan is to make this the last attempt though. Like most of you have said the writting is on the wall and the behavior was pretty outrageous. I'll see if we can't have a heart to heart after this cooling off period and see if we can't set up some guuidelines because I really don't like having big shouting matches much less big public shouting matches. If it happens again I'm cutting my losses and getting out.

KrazyHorse@home
17-04-2005, 06:08:36
ahut the fucjk up. sucker,.

Japher
17-04-2005, 07:16:46
i didn't read it, but kh sys it all.

or something

i'll read it tomorro

hang int hter dude

Greg W
17-04-2005, 11:02:32
It is entirely quite possible that she's pissed off for other reasons that you have no idea about yet. Women are like that, they tend to bottle it all up, and then just explode.

Personally, if she doesn't appologise profusely for dancing with the Mexican, I'd lose that zero, and get yourself a hero. Personally, I would have dumper her then and then. Mind you, I think you have to appologise first for getting drunk. It also gives you the moral high ground by appologising first. :beer:

DaShi
17-04-2005, 11:08:54
She could be pissed out because you didn't want her to move in.


dsidsfs, id dasdu fsauydf

Dyl Ulenspiegel
17-04-2005, 11:16:23
Answer summary:

1. Don't drive just a few hours after your last drink if you were drunk.

2. Talk to girl. Maybe she has a good reason (you did something bad you didn't even notice; she felt rejected because of the no moving in; she didn't consider her behaviour as aggressive agaibnst you). Maybe she has a bad reason (attention whore, insecure little psycho, severe manipulation attempt...) - dump her.

Is that it?

zmama
17-04-2005, 11:22:41
yup

mr.G
17-04-2005, 11:24:22
dammit, dyl is a very good oprah.

Oerdin
17-04-2005, 11:29:15
I'm thinking that was it. I still don't think it was ok and she might have a point about me getting drunk but I'm guessing that was the underlaying issue.

Greg W
17-04-2005, 11:35:30
Well, you'll never know unless you talk to her.

Dyl just showed us how Lawyers can sum up, I think. Now the real question is - who just got screwed? :D

Spartak
17-04-2005, 17:08:13
Neither of them but Dyl just made $500.

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 17:25:33
i don't think her behaviour was ok no matter how upset she was. If she was upset she could have just said 'I'm a bit upset that you left me alone' and then Oerdin could have explained why and it would all be resolved. Stating her feelings clearly would have avoided the whole issue, and its ok to feel a bit rejected sometimes, Oerdin's a stand up guy, he'd have been nice I'm sure.

Frankly, I think if this is how she deals with issues, you're right, the big stuff will be hell. (And no one moves in after 2 months, thats insane!!!)

Women :rolleyes:

SS

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
17-04-2005, 17:37:32
'I'm a bit upset that you left me alone'

:lol: That's so British :) I really doubt that'd work here, people are less inclined to not make a fuss. Of course, having Brit parents I totally understand where you're coming from but for many people that's way too subdued.

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 17:43:07
well it was just being general- there are many things she could actually say that would have been reasonable

Maybe adding a 'WHOOOP!' and some air punching would make it more Yankified??! :D :D :D

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
17-04-2005, 18:51:55
If you add a "dude", it's spot on :p

mr.G
17-04-2005, 19:02:11
[i]she said if I'd paid enough attention to her she wouldn't have been dancing with the Mexican guy to begin with. [/B] huh huh :vom:

DevilsH@lo
17-04-2005, 19:14:32
was he wearing a sombrero?

MOBIUS
17-04-2005, 19:40:01
And bandoliers and shouting "Ariba ariba, andale"?

Darkstar
18-04-2005, 12:19:39
Oerdin,

If what you say is true, it sounds like she was just spoiling for a fight that night. If this is the very first time, you guys should definately talk.

From your description, Morgan wanted a "me" night, and you were a very inconsiderate asshole and spent time with friends, instead of her. Remember that most people forget that there is more then one human (them) in the universe.

If you had backed out of moving in, she was probably feeling rejected and unwanted. But, that's just a wild guess. Maybe she just had a long, bad week and you got to be her punching bag?

Talk about it. But if that sort of behavior repeats too often, you might want to find someone over the emotional age of 15 to get involved with.

And... you think you were good to drive after, what? 6? 8 whiskeys? After just a few hours? Good thing you made it home safe.

In case you haven't caught on, I don't think you did too much wrong (if things happened just as you said). Maybe not as thoughtful as you seem to want to be, but nothing you should feel guilty over. Except the driving part.

Anyways... good luck with your lady.

mr.G
18-04-2005, 12:24:51
Originally posted by MOBIUS
And bandoliers and shouting "Ariba ariba, andale"? :lol: :lol:

Provost Harrison
18-04-2005, 12:28:26
I thought he said "Underlay"?

Venom
18-04-2005, 12:57:35
Well, you're stupid.

Gibsie
18-04-2005, 18:14:42
I think we're all missing a very real possibility: was she on the rag?

self biased
18-04-2005, 23:27:02
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Is it worth mentioning that I've been with Mrs Gimp for 13 years, and we've never had a real row?

peculiar, that's the way that my girlfriend and i are.

MOBIUS
19-04-2005, 01:55:49
13 years!!?

You said a year the other day - make your mind up!:D