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View Full Version : Stupid husband tricks: Dingding Kicking Part One


MDA
11-04-2005, 18:08:36
We moved summer clothes into dressers/winter clothes into closets this weekend. Sounds like a simple job. Its not strenuous work, and there's not much chance for argument, since we each moved our own clothes, and I learned not to get into turf wars over the quantity or location of "my" dresser drawers years ago. Like any smart mate, I choose my battles carefully, over important things.

I can handle this without screwing up, right?

Well yes, and no. We finished the job in less than an hour, without incident. A couple of hours passed before I put my foot in it.

I noticed a pile of my wife's summer clothes sitting out on top of the cedar chest, and asked her if she knew she'd left them out.

"Those are the ones that don't fit," she replies.

I'm instantly on my guard, but I quickly try to put together some supportive statement without sounding horrified by the fact that her clothes no longer fit. I've been married for five years. I know what I'm doing.

I can handle this without screwing up, right?

You know I can't.

My reply? "Don't worry about it. Keep doing you pulatis, and we can take the dog on long walks after dinner. The weather is getting nicer and sunset is later. It'll be no problem."

Sounded good, right? Silence. What the hell?

I gathered my strength and made eye contact.

"I meant they don't fit in the dresser."

:bash:

We work in the same wing of the same building. I can tell I've been forgiven because no fewer than three people have stopped by my office to laugh at me.

Provost Harrison
11-04-2005, 18:11:30
You have a summer wardrobe and a winter wardrobe? :lol: Are you sure you're not gay?

MDA
11-04-2005, 18:14:06
We just have an actual summer and winter here, instead of cold rain, cool rain.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
11-04-2005, 18:14:12
:lol:

I would have assumed her answer was the correct one. But I can't tell if that's because I'm unsually sensitive to LoC's way of thinking, or because that would be the safe answer :D

Spartak@work
11-04-2005, 18:17:21
:lol: forgive me while I laugh very hard at your discomfort.

mr.G
11-04-2005, 18:17:40
:lol: :lol:

Drekkus
11-04-2005, 18:20:14
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

What Spartak said.

Christoph
11-04-2005, 18:20:37
LMAO :lol:

Tizzy
11-04-2005, 19:17:22
:lol: :lol:

Spartak@work
11-04-2005, 19:29:02
I'm still laughing.

miester gandertak
11-04-2005, 19:30:35
:lol:

Lazarus and the Gimp
11-04-2005, 19:47:43
Originally posted by MDA
We moved summer clothes into dressers/winter clothes into closets this weekend. Sounds like a simple job.

People do that?

Ming
11-04-2005, 19:51:30
"I meant they don't fit in the dresser."


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Japher
11-04-2005, 19:58:36
My reply? "Don't worry about it. Keep doing you pulatis, and we can take the dog on long walks after dinner. The weather is getting nicer and sunset is later. It'll be no problem."


:lol:

Though I was thinking she meant the dresser since women never mention clothing that doesn't fit, they refuse to admit it exists.

People do that?

Yeah, gay ppl.

Koshko
11-04-2005, 20:15:09
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
You have a summer wardrobe and a winter wardrobe? :lol: Are you sure you're not gay?

Summer Wardrobe: Jeans and light colored t-shirta

Winter Wardrobe: Jeans and dark colored t-shirts and a coat

sleeping_satsuma
11-04-2005, 20:52:47
I think a clarification question would have saved the day- 'do you you mean they dont fit you, or they dont fit in the dresser?' would work,

OR more cunningly

'yes I can tell you've lost a little weight recently- but you always look fantastic to me'

that would have got you laid. :D

MDA
11-04-2005, 20:56:27
I know. It was a pretty big stack of clothes, and I panicked.

Caligastia
11-04-2005, 21:01:58
I can understand your reasoning then...wouldn't want the wifey to go on a shopping spree for new clothes...;)

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
11-04-2005, 21:06:36
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
I think a clarification question would have saved the day- 'do you you mean they dont fit you, or they dont fit in the dresser?' would work,

OR more cunningly

'yes I can tell you've lost a little weight recently- but you always look fantastic to me'

that would have got you laid. :D

That cunning suggestion sounds more than a little counterintuitive to me. :confused:

Japher
11-04-2005, 21:08:02
I think a clarification question would have saved the day- 'do you you mean they dont fit you, or they dont fit in the dresser?' would work,

OR more cunningly

'yes I can tell you've lost a little weight recently- but you always look fantastic to me'

that would have got you laid

No. Those are pretty bad.

"What?! You can't be telling me those clothes don't fit you? That's outragous!"

That would of gotten you laid.

Tizzy
11-04-2005, 21:09:27
Only if she's put on weight.
If she's lost weight and you say that...... oh dear.

Japher
11-04-2005, 21:15:13
Like she's ever LOST weight :lol:

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
11-04-2005, 21:15:45
Go the safe route. Say "Why not?"

mr.G
11-04-2005, 21:24:18
Qaj is the schjmart one

Chris
11-04-2005, 21:28:56
Man, that was DUMB.

Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
11-04-2005, 21:45:05
So when are you posting part 2, MDA? We know it's coming... :lol:

Ming
11-04-2005, 21:45:53
It's usually best to say nothing, and make believe you didn't hear them ;)

MDA
11-04-2005, 21:56:05
Its only a matter of time. We move into a house next month.

It will probably be tame in comparison to the famous Laz DIY stories.


...and yes, I was smart enough to not ask why we were moving clothes into and out of the closet when we were going to be moving so soon.

mr.G
11-04-2005, 21:57:37
Originally posted by MDA
..and yes, I was smart enough to not ask why we were moving clothes into and out of the closet when we were going to be moving so soon. :beer:

Beta1
11-04-2005, 21:59:46
:lol:

Tizzy
11-04-2005, 22:13:26
Originally posted by MDA

...and yes, I was smart enough to not ask why we were moving clothes into and out of the closet when we were going to be moving so soon.

Was that before or after you removed your foot from your mouth?

Koshko
11-04-2005, 22:24:27
The best advice is just to say say something random and incoherent at all times.

zmama
11-04-2005, 23:06:42
I'm sure he manages that most days :D

Greg W
12-04-2005, 00:05:50
LMAO, that's hilarious. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Ming
12-04-2005, 00:45:41
Originally posted by Koshko
The best advice is just to say say something random and incoherent at all times.

That works too... and there is ONE advantage to getting older... you can blame it on your hearing ;)

Japher
12-04-2005, 01:16:46
Too bad Ming ain't going blind, there'd be more spam at poly!

OldWarrior_42
12-04-2005, 03:37:37
When I started reading your story, MDA, I just knew what your wife ment and that you were gonna fuck up. Five years is not long enough to yet know all the right answers.

Just ask me, and I'll tell you.

"Huh? What did you say? I don't get it?"

Those lines are just a couple of easyout answers. Dumb people can "play Dumb" even better than smart people, because it sounds sincere. :D

Sir Penguin
12-04-2005, 03:44:17
That's effective everywhere. I've pretended not to hear things for years, to give myself time to analyse the question. Still, I probably would have given the same answer as MDA after a moment's thought. :D

SP

Ming
12-04-2005, 04:08:38
That's why you don't answer... even after a moment of thought..

"What did you say" can be repeated at least twice... and then they usually give up.

I've been married a longgggggggggggggggggggggg time ;)

MoSe
12-04-2005, 10:43:40
Originally posted by MDA
I know. It was a pretty big stack of clothes, and I panicked.

And you thought it was better to hint that your wife got FATTER rather than touch an issue which could probably lead you to lose some more dresser room quota....

:scratches head: .... :hmm:

will you have new/bigger dressers in the new house, or you'll just haul these ones?

Funko
12-04-2005, 10:48:23
MDA's mistake here was not what he said but before then.

Of course she knew the clothes were left out.

MoSe
12-04-2005, 10:55:19
Originally posted by MDA
I noticed a pile of my wife's summer clothes sitting out on top of the cedar chest, and asked her if she knew she'd left them out.


indeed, he should have hidden them, or better, burned, or sneakily gift them to the bum lurking outside his door.

Funko
12-04-2005, 11:18:24
He should have thought "Oh some clothes are out. I wonder what's on TV."

Drekkus
12-04-2005, 11:46:48
Only after living together with my g/f I have known the concept of summer and winterclothes, and stashing them away for the season. I thought she was joking when she first mentioned it.

MoSe
12-04-2005, 11:50:51
did you live in Singapore, before?

Funko
12-04-2005, 11:54:15
Originally posted by Drekkus
Only after living together with my g/f I have known the concept of summer and winterclothes, and stashing them away for the season. I thought she was joking when she first mentioned it.

This thread's the first I've heard of it.

Drekkus
12-04-2005, 11:57:00
Originally posted by MoSe
did you live in Singapore, before? OG, yes. But that was waaaaay before I met her.

DaShi
12-04-2005, 11:59:56
Great story! :lol:

MoSe
12-04-2005, 12:05:53
for sure you're not using most of your heavy jersey and wool knitwear and parkas and whatever winter garment in summer.
They just sit in your closets and dressers.
Maybe you still wear your t-shirts under your sweater in winter, but maybe not your hawaiian shirts?

I have just a big drawer for jerseys and sweaters, and another big one for tshirst and short-sleeved shirts, thus I don't need to swap them, I just don't use the out-of-season one.
But if you have one of those two-story wardrobes (or wall-high, or howdo you call them), you usually store in the upper part the things you're less likely to need to access. And seasons have a great influence on the clothes you wear more often (don't they???), so it's just practical and convenient to move at hand the appropriate clothes when they come of season.....

Funko
12-04-2005, 12:06:38
I just wear more layers if it's colder.

MoSe
12-04-2005, 12:06:47
Originally posted by Drekkus
OG, yes. But that was waaaaay before I met her.

:eek:
swear I didn't know it!!!! :lol:

MDA
12-04-2005, 12:17:59
Originally posted by Funko
He should have thought "Oh some clothes are out. I wonder what's on TV."

Too true.

Something tells me I'll still be learning new things about marriage 30 years from now.

Drekkus
12-04-2005, 12:18:10
:lol: you didn't?

I was born there, but only lived there for a year.

MoSe
12-04-2005, 12:24:06
Singapore it's just the stereotipical spot-on-the equator seasonless place on earth to me :lol:

Drekkus
12-04-2005, 12:47:45
Well, it is. Always 30 degrees, always hot and humid.

MoSe
12-04-2005, 12:48:34
my ideal climate btw, no kidding

Funko
12-04-2005, 12:49:33
My idea of a nightmare climate.

Drekkus
12-04-2005, 12:52:20
I like seasons, I hate cold and rain, but it's nice to have some variation in the weather over the year.

Tizzy
12-04-2005, 12:55:42
I like the extremes, I love snow and I love it when it's nice and hot and sunny.
Anything in between, meh.

Although I do like walking in the rain when it's light misty rain.

MDA
12-04-2005, 13:06:04
...and long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, or just staying at home to cuddle. I am Intelligent, funny and a caring person. I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. :)

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:27:08
Originally posted by Funko
I just wear more layers if it's colder. That's because in England there's two temperatures. Cold and colder.

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:27:50
At least it's not as rainy as Sydney

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:28:16
And it doesn't get cold here, ask the Canadians.

Gary
12-04-2005, 13:39:13
He should have decided it was some kind of trap (probably to make him feel guilty that his wife only has old clothes) and said nowt.

But it's natural to assume if they don't fit, then they don't fit the wearer. Who's going to come up with an outlandish possibility like they don't fit in the wardrobe ?

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:40:44
Yes, and I am sure if you asked the Plutonians, they would say Canada never gots cold.

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:41:10
I don't even have proper coat! :p

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:41:50
See, the real intelligent answer would have been:

"Yes, I thought you had lost a bit of weight - would you like to go shopping with your friends for some smaller sizes"?

It'd cost him some money, but he'd get laid for months.

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:44:59
She works, she can buy her own clothes surely?

I'm still right, the lazy option (doing and saying nothing) had absolutely no downside, ideally he should not have even expended energy noticing the clothes. The lazy option is very rarely beaten.

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:45:08
Originally posted by Funko
I don't even have proper coat! :p Great, neither do I. Nor any of my friends. And probably none of their friends either.

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:45:36
You should get one with all that rain.

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:45:46
Originally posted by Funko
She works, she can buy her own clothes surely?

I'm still right, the lazy option (doing and saying nothing) had absolutely no downside, ideally he should not have even expended energy noticing the clothes. The lazy option is very rarely beaten. The lazy option won't get you laid.

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:46:22
Glad I don't need an 'option' for that.

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:46:59
Originally posted by Funko
You should get one with all that rain. Why, then I'd just get wet from sweating in a garment meant for cold climates. Like England.

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:47:50
Originally posted by Funko
Glad I don't need an 'option' for that. Yes, you won't get laid no matter what you do. :beer:

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:48:02
You live somewhere that we sent people to punish them.

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:50:28
Send me to paradise to punish me any day. :beer:

Funko
12-04-2005, 13:51:21
Unliveable climate, no culture and full of bloody Australians. You can keep it. :)

mr.G
12-04-2005, 13:51:59
yaaaay and no rain everyday

Greg W
12-04-2005, 13:59:28
Originally posted by Funko
Unliveable climate, no culture and full of bloody Australians. You can keep it. :) Thanks, we will. :beer:

MoSe
12-04-2005, 14:29:47
Originally posted by Gary
Who's going to come up with an outlandish possibility like they don't fit in the wardrobe ?
right after they're finished with the seasonal wardrode swap, you mean????

MoSe
12-04-2005, 14:31:42
Originally posted by MDA
...and long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, or just staying at home to cuddle. I am Intelligent, funny and a caring person. I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. :)
and you're seeking a sensible poet?

MDA
12-04-2005, 14:51:41
No, making fun of Tizzy. I may as well go for total Armageddon.

Funko
12-04-2005, 14:52:38
How is that making fun of Tizzy?

Greg W
12-04-2005, 14:52:44
:lol:

(X-post, but it still works)

Lurker
12-04-2005, 15:35:05
:lol: at the original post.

I probably would have said something like "Well, quit eating so damn many porkchops and you won't have that problem."

MDA
12-04-2005, 15:48:23
Then it would be clobberin' time!

Tizzy's "walks in light rain" comment sounded like a singles ad to me. I guess I was the only one.

Lurker
12-04-2005, 15:56:29
PH'ing your own posts now, huh? So sad.

mr.G
12-04-2005, 15:57:48
I had some commentary at the extreme thing involving funko but did the mature thing.

MDA
12-04-2005, 16:10:01
Its not PH'd if I was the only one to understand it. Its just stupid.

Lurker
12-04-2005, 16:21:04
I got it and I bet even Drekkus got it.

Tizzy
12-04-2005, 16:33:53
I got it, but treated it as it deserved.
I ignored it

Funko
12-04-2005, 16:34:44
I realised that and was trying to help MDA explain himself.

Tizzy
12-04-2005, 16:39:02
I don't have the energy to be violent today anyway

mr.G
12-04-2005, 17:13:52
woooooohoooooo spring is in the air.



why should I?

MDA
12-04-2005, 17:55:04
I can't even insult women correctly. :cry:

Gary
12-04-2005, 17:55:57
right after they're finished with the seasonal wardrode swap, you mean????

At any time * shrug * They fitted in there last year didn't they ?

Don't understand this swop thing anyway. Clothes are clothes, they get worn, washed, and shoved in the wardrobe for next time, until they get holes or drop off or something.

MDA
12-04-2005, 17:59:29
You don't have to understand, you have to comply.

zmama
12-04-2005, 19:16:56
You're getting there

BigGameHunter
12-04-2005, 21:49:42
http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~cleung1/pussy.jpg

BigGameHunter
12-04-2005, 21:50:25
http://www.all-creatures.org/pica/ftshl-pussywillow-01a_small.jpg

BigGameHunter
12-04-2005, 21:53:12
http://home.nc.rr.com/tuco/looney/acme/whip.jpg

MDA
13-04-2005, 12:31:33
:lol: I told you, I just pick my battles carefully.

Drekkus
13-04-2005, 12:34:55
So what film quote is BGH's?

mr_G
17-02-2006, 09:47:43
bump :lol:

mr_G
17-02-2006, 09:49:14
Originally posted by Qaj the Fuzzy Love Worm
So when are you posting part 2, MDA? We know it's coming... :lol: beware !!!!

Funko
17-02-2006, 09:52:48
:lol:

Darkstar
17-02-2006, 11:07:25
:lol:

Tizzy
17-02-2006, 11:13:36
Classic thread :lol:

Funko
17-02-2006, 11:14:13
I still don't know why MDA didn't just say "Oh, ok"

MDA
17-02-2006, 11:54:30
I'm learning to :)


Darkstar sighting!!!! *waves*

Darkstar
17-02-2006, 11:57:38
*waves back*
Howdy MDA!

mr_B
20-12-2007, 20:04:59
who the fok is dorkstar?

Venom
20-12-2007, 20:13:01
DORKSTAR THE EVER LIVING!!!

MDA
21-12-2007, 13:27:36
Originally posted by Funko
She works, she can buy her own clothes surely?

I'm still right, the lazy option (doing and saying nothing) had absolutely no downside, ideally he should not have even expended energy noticing the clothes. The lazy option is very rarely beaten.


Lazyview prequel post!

Resource Consumer
21-12-2007, 13:47:53
:lol: always best just to say nothing

Funko
21-12-2007, 13:51:03
He made 2 mistakes before that, noticing and thinking.

Shining1
27-12-2007, 07:33:32
I am so glad I saw this thread. :lol:

MDA
18-10-2010, 12:55:01
Someone dragged the winterclothes storage totes into the bedroom. I think it might be a hint to switch things out of the dressers. I'll need a few days to think about it before I'm sure.

noticing and thinking, again... :bash:

Funko
18-10-2010, 13:01:36
Why don't you just ask?

MDA
18-10-2010, 13:09:18
:lol: always best just to say nothing

this?

Funko
18-10-2010, 13:19:32
To be fair. It's mid october, the winterclothes storage thingies are out... what is there to work out?

Funko
18-10-2010, 13:25:36
In fact, why does she always have to be the one in charge of the winter/summer clothes? Couldn't you show some initiative?

MDA
18-10-2010, 13:51:51
nag, nag, nag

I'm not totally useless. I dug up the iris bulbs, tossed the old ones and replanted the good bits this weekend, and cleaned the bathroom.

Edit: that made me really tired, so I need a few days before I can approach the winterclothes thing. It'll take forever, probably like a whole ten minutes.

mr_B
18-10-2010, 16:08:06
begin with saying, Hello dear i think you lost too many weight this summer so let throw these old clothes away and go shop till we drop.

MDA
18-10-2010, 16:45:26
You really are a good helper.

mr_B
18-10-2010, 17:43:58
and when you are in the mall tell her everytime she tries some trousers that that one makes her butt looks HUGE

Lurker
18-10-2010, 19:56:18
Helper of the year. He's really an elf.