View Full Version : Can we have some happy spam instead?

24-03-2005, 12:33:43
It might stop me reading the big scary thread

24-03-2005, 12:37:52
I'm not reading that anymore after my last post. It really was giving me a headache.

Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: (to Waitress) Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: (starting to chant) Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings: (singing) Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want any spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: That's got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: (shrieks) I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: (singing) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (singing elaborately in RealAudio) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

24-03-2005, 12:39:48
There was an advert for peppered spam on the TV last night. Yum!

24-03-2005, 12:41:40
Peppered? Like a beautiful steak of spam rolled in crushed black pepper corns?

I quite like Spam in an odd way... it's not nice by any stretch of the imagination but it has something about it.

Spam and english mustard sandwich. MMMMM.

24-03-2005, 12:42:40
I can't stand it, tastes like reformed rectum!

24-03-2005, 12:43:32
Mmmmm rectum.

24-03-2005, 12:47:34

24-03-2005, 12:53:23
Originally posted by MattHiggs
I can't stand it, tastes like reformed rectum! that's rectified spam!

24-03-2005, 13:00:16
Cured colon.

24-03-2005, 13:02:17
Latest e-mail joke...

Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table, and, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when He sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken furniture - $85.26
Hot Breakfast - $4.20
Red Rose bud -$3.00
Two Aspirins -$.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time.........Priceless

24-03-2005, 13:11:53

miester gandertak
24-03-2005, 13:13:52

24-03-2005, 14:43:03

24-03-2005, 19:59:01
Damn, I can't remember Rectum's password.

24-03-2005, 20:01:39
Try: l-u-r-k-e-r

24-03-2005, 20:02:22
Lurker can't get into Rectum?

24-03-2005, 20:04:47
Nope, that didn't work.

24-03-2005, 20:05:28
try poopshute