View Full Version : B&Q jokes

11-02-2005, 09:47:58
B & Q complaint letter

Dear Sir/Madam

My congratulations to you on getting a yacht to leave the UK on 28th
November 2004, sail 27,354 miles around the world and arrive back 72
Days later.

Could you please let me know when the kitchen I ordered 96 days ago
will Be arriving from your warehouse 13 miles away?

This is truly a heart-warming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some builders. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race:

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot.

One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house there.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them rough diamond types, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week they even presented her with a pay envelope containing 5. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank the clerk was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own wage packet at such a young age.

The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a crew building a house."

"My goodness gracious," said the clerk, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those useless cunts at B & Q ever bring us the fucking plasterboard!"

11-02-2005, 09:59:05
What's B & Q?

11-02-2005, 10:03:33
A DIY store.

11-02-2005, 10:05:51
Ah, thanks.
What's DIY? ;)

11-02-2005, 10:11:46
Look it up yourself. :p

11-02-2005, 10:12:52

11-02-2005, 10:18:50
Having your little girl make money doing odd jobs: +$200

Having her learn to speak like a construction worker: Priceless.