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View Full Version : I love you (but your labia minora look like wicket-keeper's gloves)


Lazarus and the Gimp
26-01-2005, 18:29:39
(Possibly the most gratuitously offensive thing 've ever written. Sorry!)



I'd dreamed about your knickers ever since my puberty
and you made my dreams come true when you asked me round for tea.
But when I got inside them, I knew it would bode ill
'cos it felt OK, but it looked like roadkill.

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper's gloves.

We've made the duvet rock for the past eleven years
but my knees still knock when your thighs are wrapped around my ears.
I know that I'm shallow, but I still want to ease in
to something that I find more aesthetically pleasing

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper's gloves.

I love you, yes it's true, but prepare yourself for shock
for your "pant kebab" has become a stumbling block
I can't deny the fact that I'd like a nice 'un.
Not one that's done ten rounds with "Iron" Mike Tyson.

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper's gloves.

So my bags are packed and I won't come back no more
and the sharp heartbreak just cuts me to the core.
But I can't turn back, I've just got to leave
I can't deal with a mimsy like a wizard's sleeve.

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper's gloves.

Oh who could have guessed that our future would hinge
on the sight of your large and leathery minge?

Your labia minora look like wicket-keeper's gloves.

Debaser
26-01-2005, 18:32:51
:lol:

I'm sure you've written much more gratuitously offensive things in the past. That's actually quite clever.

Japher
26-01-2005, 18:33:58
Sports Forum!!!!!

Caligastia
26-01-2005, 18:35:43
:lol:

"leathery minge" :D

Dyl Ulenspiegel
26-01-2005, 18:41:29
Music forum - make that into a song!

Lurker
26-01-2005, 18:55:28
Gawd, gratuitously offensive can't even capture it. :beer:

MDA
26-01-2005, 18:56:04
SU reunites for one more song.

fp
26-01-2005, 19:02:14
:beer:

Drekkus
26-01-2005, 19:05:12
:lol:


So, how long have you and the missus been together?

paiktis22
26-01-2005, 19:09:02
Why are you laughing Drekkus? Did you understand all the words?

Drekkus
26-01-2005, 19:10:33
no :o

But I think it's about dirty parts.

paiktis22
26-01-2005, 19:10:54
(me too)

Immortal Wombat
26-01-2005, 19:17:23
:lol: :lol:

I keep hearing it sung by the pandas on rathergood (http://www.rathergood.com/biscuits/).

Lazarus and the Gimp
26-01-2005, 20:25:10
Originally posted by Dyl Ulenspiegel
Music forum - make that into a song!

Funnily enough, I wrote it for the Music forum thread where "Comfortably bummed" appeared. And protein's magnum opus about shagging animals.

Venom
26-01-2005, 20:31:40
That's what passes for offensive these days? Bunch of uptight bitches around.

Provost Harrison
26-01-2005, 23:25:17
:lol:

notyoueither
27-01-2005, 06:31:50
Offensive? I note that none of the female persuasion have posted yet. Perhaps they are working on their reply regarding bent shafts.

Sir Penguin
27-01-2005, 07:45:53
Those lyrics are beautiful. Indeed, inspiring.

www.csc.uvic.ca/~nrqm/transfer/labia.mp3

SP

miester gandertak
27-01-2005, 08:29:48
:lol:

brings back a lot of laughter.
*Dirruk zuigt op piemels*

notyoueither
27-01-2005, 09:06:49
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
Those lyrics are beautiful. Indeed, inspiring.

www.csc.uvic.ca/~nrqm/transfer/labia.mp3

SP

I think the artist has found the true measure of Medieval bardship and combined it with an appropriate amount on post industrial disease. I shall forever remember that cough for the haunting quality it lent to the poetic retelling of this classic of bard's tails.

Drekkus
27-01-2005, 09:09:34
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
Those lyrics are beautiful. Indeed, inspiring.

www.csc.uvic.ca/~nrqm/transfer/labia.mp3

SP :lol: :lol: :lol:

Funkodrom
27-01-2005, 09:17:50
I like the way it's done in a kind of folky way.

We need to add some backing from the Wicker Man soundtrack (and take out the coughs) .

Tizzy
27-01-2005, 09:40:46
:lol:

Sir Penguin
27-01-2005, 10:27:34
OK, I redid it without the cough (I thought it made it sound more folksy).

I added in some post-production mixing stuff, too, kind of like what Zeppelin would have done if they'd been using Windows Sound Recorder.

SP

Funkodrom
27-01-2005, 10:46:47
:lol:

I'll have a listen in a bit.

Tizzy
27-01-2005, 10:49:40
Nice ending :D

MoSe
27-01-2005, 11:35:14
:hmm: you really are picky when it comes down to
2. Gloves

If, as permitted under 1 above, the wicket-keeper wears gloves, they shall have no webbing between the fingers except joining index finger and thumb, where webbing may be inserted as a means of support. If used, the webbing shall be
(a) a single piece of non-stretch material which, although it may have facing material attached, shall have no reinforcement or tucks.

(b) such that the top edge of the webbing
(i) does not protrude beyond the straight line joining the top of the index finger to the top of the thumb.
(ii) is taut when a hand wearing the glove has the thumb fully extended.

See Appendix C (http://www.lords.org/cricket/lw_0000000076.asp).

Sir Penguin
27-01-2005, 11:40:33
:lol:

SP

miester gandertak
27-01-2005, 11:46:36
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
OK, I redid it without the cough (I thought it made it sound more folksy).

I added in some post-production mixing stuff, too, kind of like what Zeppelin would have done if they'd been using Windows Sound Recorder.

SP great voice :lol:

Drekkus
27-01-2005, 11:47:53
http://www.lords.org/picturelibrary/jpeg300/la/law_appc_glove2.jpg
Does Laz mean the whole glove, or parts of it?

miester gandertak
27-01-2005, 11:49:58
Is that the one you bought for delivering your own child?

Drekkus
27-01-2005, 11:56:55
No, when the stork comes I have this one ready:

http://www.flyfishingmainerivers.com/writerpages/mikeholt/articles/would%20like/nymph%20net.jpg

Funkodrom
27-01-2005, 12:02:54
Ah, much better performance now!

Provost Harrison
27-01-2005, 12:10:22
If you're as cack-handed as me, you could do with one of these:

http://www.asiantrails.com/resource/1352/static/bg-cam16.jpg

MoSe
27-01-2005, 13:52:17
cack-hand·ed ( P ) Pronunciation Key (kkhndd)
adj. Chiefly British
Left-handed.
Awkward; clumsy.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Perhaps from Old Norse keikr, bent backwards; akin to Danish keite, left-handed.]


you always learn something...

Drekkus
27-01-2005, 13:54:57
Originally posted by Provost Harrison
If you're as cack-handed as me... Then wash your hands after using the toilets, you dirty bastard!

Lazarus and the Gimp
27-01-2005, 23:13:59
It would take all the fun out of my writing if I had to provide a glossary.

Darkstar
27-01-2005, 23:48:06
Another SP classic performance!

Beta1
28-01-2005, 07:51:55
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
Those lyrics are beautiful. Indeed, inspiring.

www.csc.uvic.ca/~nrqm/transfer/labia.mp3

SP

possibly the second most disturbing thing I've ever heard.

Sir Penguin
28-01-2005, 08:18:06
Thank you. What was the most disturbing?

SP

The Mad Monk
28-01-2005, 08:34:18
Your first performance.

notyoueither
28-01-2005, 09:30:49
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
OK, I redid it without the cough (I thought it made it sound more folksy).

I added in some post-production mixing stuff, too, kind of like what Zeppelin would have done if they'd been using Windows Sound Recorder.

SP

You're selling out to pop culture.

Sir Penguin
28-01-2005, 09:33:58
Hah, I wish.

SP

Beta1
28-01-2005, 09:35:56
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
Thank you. What was the most disturbing?

SP

wiliam shatners version of lucy in the sky with diamonds.

dont worry comfortably bummed is definately top ten material.

Sir Penguin
28-01-2005, 09:37:59
Excellent choice.

SP

Darkstar
29-01-2005, 05:52:41
Originally posted by notyoueither
You're selling out to pop culture.

:lol:

Oerdin
29-01-2005, 22:50:10
I can't believe I missed this thread. :lol: