View Full Version : Meh, you wont read this anyway

25-01-2005, 23:47:03
I have to write a short story for english, and here are my choices:

'The Assasin' (which we worked on in class , and have been given a paragraph by paragraph synopsis for)
'The Sea'
'The Challenge'
a story featuring revenge
a story making full use of dialogue, in which a quarrel figures prominently
a story beginning 'The house was silent. Above the noise of the storm I heard...'

26-01-2005, 00:12:02
I have to write 2000 words about Francis Ford Coppola's use of imagery in Apocalypse Now. If you write it for me I'll do your essay. Deal?

26-01-2005, 00:14:36
I think I'll stick with my short story thanks

26-01-2005, 00:15:43

Provost Harrison
26-01-2005, 00:15:55
Serves you right for not doing a proper degree Debaser ;)

26-01-2005, 00:21:05
Personally, I'd do the dialog-quarrel. But that's just because its easier to think of fights and arguments I've been in or heard.

26-01-2005, 00:22:01
I'm rubbish at dialogue though

26-01-2005, 00:24:08
I always HATED english writing assignments...hate hate hate

So I'm not a good one to ask :D

26-01-2005, 00:27:07
honestly, you just can't get the staff these days!

26-01-2005, 00:36:02

26-01-2005, 00:40:48
give me some ideas!

26-01-2005, 01:01:59
how about a woman who plots revenge on someone.

26-01-2005, 01:05:54
a former lover?

26-01-2005, 01:07:22
yes, he's a train driver and she derails the train, only to realise her current beau made a last minute change to his travel plans.

Immortal Wombat
26-01-2005, 01:08:12
Do "Escape". Then you can have long descriptive passages, sparse dialogue, and the option of ending it all with a clichéd suicide bullet to the head.

26-01-2005, 01:09:23
dialogue drives plot

26-01-2005, 01:09:29
I tend to go overboard with the adjectives though, which would lose me marks

26-01-2005, 01:10:13
so dont go overboard with them, less is more. show dont tell as they say

Immortal Wombat
26-01-2005, 01:10:18
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
dialogue drives plot
Plot is so last century.

26-01-2005, 01:11:59
how about I just don't write anything at all and draw a pretty picture

26-01-2005, 01:12:11
true, maybe it should be postmodern deconstructed realism. just a string of words thrown together so that the reader uses their own experiences to decipher the random patterns and form them into a story

26-01-2005, 01:12:36

26-01-2005, 01:15:20
'The Assasin'
'The Sea'
'The Challenge'
The house was silent. Above the storm I heard..


"The Assasin Escapes from the Sea: Home Edition"

The house was silent. Above the storm I could hear Drekkus yelling at Venom, "Let me out of the closet you Asshole!"

"No!" Grunted Venom with a touch of pleasure.

"Let me out or I will kill you! Assassin Ninja style," replied Drekkus.

I stood frozen. I knew I should do something, but I though why bother, they're both idiots. So, I got my camcorder out.

"You couldn't go ninja style on a coat rack you pussy! I'm leaving you in there until Asher gets back, and then I'll be needing room," Venom gloated shoving a chair underneat the doorknob such that Drekkus was hopefully stuck.

Venom proceded to walk off as Drekkus yelled, muffled like, "I will escape from here and exact my revenge on you Venom, by going assasin ninja on your ass! Then," he exclaimed in a much calmer voice, "I shall go out to the sea."


All in one... I've done the hard part.

26-01-2005, 01:16:56
can you flesh it out a bit, say 800 long? :p

26-01-2005, 01:17:36
how many is that?

26-01-2005, 01:18:59
no idea. did you not check your message length?!

26-01-2005, 01:20:25
no, how do I do that?

26-01-2005, 01:25:44
I stood there with my camcorder humming not knowing if I should follow Venom or stay with Drekkus, until I realized Drekkus was in the closet and knew nothing about going Assassin Ninja style on anything.

“What are you doing now Venom,” I asked him as he entered the kitchen.

“I need nourishment, beating up pussies is hard work.”

“What are you going to eat,” I questioned adjusting the zoom out to capture the entire fat bastard.

“I’m gonna start with pork rinds, because all American’s like pork rinds, and beer. Then I think I will work into some of zmama’s delicious cookies she sent me, and then for desert a pie.”

“Man, that’s a lot of food for one person.”

”I have another closet,” he threatened, so I kept my mouth shut after that. Though I couldn’t say that Venom did.

He practically inhaled a six-pack of beer, some cheap crap with fish on the can, and I swear he got more pork rinds on his second chin than he did in his mouth. However, when he got to zmama’s cookies I saw that he was slowing down. I didn’t think he would make through all 12 dozen (baker’s dozen that is), but he did, and produced a giant key lime pie and proceeded to devour it with his hands.

He was nearly done when a knock came at the front door.

“Get that, bitch,” he snorted in my direction.

Immortal Wombat
26-01-2005, 01:38:46
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
true, maybe it should be postmodern deconstructed realism. just a string of words thrown together so that the reader uses their own experiences to decipher the random patterns and form them into a story
Now that is a piece of writing :beer:

26-01-2005, 01:39:13
“Asher!” I sounded opening the door to our very gay friend.

“Hey there you,” He smiled entering without really acknowledging me.

Now I know Asher is not one to follow gay stereotypes, and that his fashion sense is a little off, but why he was wearing an orange harri-Krishna robe today was beyond me. Oh well, one more thing to add to my list of why homosexuality is a mental disease.

“Who is it!” I heard Venom yell from the kitchen, mean that he had finished shoving the pie in his fat mouth.

“It’s me love,” Asher called back, “I have come to give you your dreams!”

“What the…” Venom chortled as he entered whatever room we were now in. “And what the fuck are you wearing!?”

“It’s for you, you like? I got it off e-bay.”

”No I don’t like, you jackass.”

”Damn,” Asher sobbed, “I knew I shouldn’t off ordered it off of my Apple computer, they fuck everything up!”

“Don’t worry,” Venom said with a shockingly sincere voice, “I have a really nice dress for you in the closet. Here come.”

Venom lead Asher to the closet in which Drekkus prowled, consoling our poor Mac hater.

“Why is there a chair in front of the door?” Asher asked as they neared.

“Never you mind,” Venom smiled.

“Hey,” Asher startled, “I know what you are doing, you are trying to put me back in the closet!”

”No, I swear,” Venom begged.

“How dare you, and I thought you loved me! All this time?! All those long talks about fucking and asses?!”

“Fuck,” Venom replied, “I have no idea what you are talking about you jackass.”

“See there you go again!”

“Shut-up, now get in the closet!” Venom shouted as he threw away the chair and opened the closet door.

For a brief moment we saw Venom attempting to throw Asher into the closet and Drekkus huffing within, shrouded partially by the shadow. Then, in a sequence so fast that not even my camera could catch…

26-01-2005, 02:18:58
Write something that will get your evaluated by the school. Really worry the hell out of them then just say " I thought you wanted a story of revenge".

Lets say...

Write an overly detailed story about a man named Mike H who accedentally bumped into a young fat man from North Carolina. Getting bumped caused him to spill his Slurpee and Mike H walked on by without an apology.

The rest of the story can be about this man hunting Mike down and then the torture.

Some great ideas!

1- Tying him up for 2 days
2- Then gagging him with his own soiled underwear
3- Hot sauce and paper cuts!
4- Hot sauce, pipe cleaners and the penis hole!
5- Fire ants on his eyes!

In the end Mike can be saved by a passing sheep herder.

26-01-2005, 02:19:51
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
how about a woman who plots revenge on someone.

with no logical reason for it.

26-01-2005, 06:46:25
Wot? no "Schnappi" story?

26-01-2005, 09:39:52
As you've just finished American Psycho I'm sure you could write a very colourful revenge piece.

You could do it all in dialogue so you don't actually describe what the revenger is doing, just what he says about it.

26-01-2005, 09:54:02
Originally posted by Debaser
I have to write 2000 words about Francis Ford Coppola's use of imagery in Apocalypse Now. If you write it for me I'll do your essay. Deal?

I'll do it!

26-01-2005, 09:58:23

I did immediately think of you when I saw that.