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King_Ghidra
20-01-2005, 09:49:15
We had some CV's sent in for a developer role that has become available at my workplace.

One guy sent in a fairly regular CV with some good achievements on it, but in the notes section at the end he had the following statement:

One of the best developers in the UK

Needless to say, we won't be interviewing him.

Drekkus
20-01-2005, 10:01:50
No sense of humour.

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 10:06:31
I would have interviewed him first, just to find out of that was a joke or not. :D

MattHiggs
20-01-2005, 11:20:00
I just had to create a CV last night, although it's been about 5 years since I've done one. I haven't got a clue how to do a good one, just listed my previous jobs and previous education.

Kitsuki
20-01-2005, 11:24:19
Along with all contact details, no spelling mistakes and well presented you have yourself a good CV....

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 11:26:19
You should add some stuff about what relevant/useful experience your previous jobs offered if it's not obvious.

Computing skills, management experience, anything like that. If you are going for a specific role you can tailor those to pick the ones most suitable for the job you are going for.

King_Ghidra
20-01-2005, 11:33:35
the big thing i would say is, just make sure you emphasize and go into detail about your relevant job experience

no one really gives a shit about educational qualifications unless they are particularly relevant i.e. chemistry for a chemist job

Gary
20-01-2005, 11:34:15
Unsure why a pointless boast would disqualify someone from a developer job.

Just a feeling that he wouldn't fit in, maybe ?

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 11:35:24
He wants developers he can slap around, not ones that might get cocky. ;)

Drekkus
20-01-2005, 11:47:30
:lol:

King_Ghidra
20-01-2005, 11:47:34
Originally posted by Gary
Unsure why a pointless boast would disqualify someone from a developer job.

Just a feeling that he wouldn't fit in, maybe ?

are you shitting me, what kind of person do you think puts something like that on their cv?

if the guy really thinks he's one of the best developers in the uk he is either deranged or an idiot (or one of the best developers in the uk, but being as he is looking for a job with a company like ours i think i can rule that out)

miester gandertak
20-01-2005, 11:49:27
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
or one of the best developers in the uk, but being as he is looking for a job with a company like ours i think i can rule that out :lol:

MattHiggs
20-01-2005, 12:01:17
Phew, thanfully I have done that.

Applied for an IT Technician job and have put relevant responsibilites/experience from my previous jobs.

My CV is awfuly in respect to past education. I took a year off college as I had glandular fever so my A Levels aren't too impressive - then I had to finish my degree early because I had a child so I've not got many qualifications.

King_Ghidra
20-01-2005, 12:04:16
we had three people in this week for tester jobs and i must admit i didn't even read their educational backgrounds on their cv's

half an hour talking about their testing experiences and seeing what kind of people they were and we were easily able to seperate the best candidate

MattHiggs
20-01-2005, 12:16:08
I'm really hoping to get this job as it's at my old school and it's working in IT, which I've been hoping to do since I started secondary school; granted I wanted to get into programming but an IT Tech job would be an acceptable alternative, for now.

Gary
20-01-2005, 12:41:49
are you shitting me, what kind of person do you think puts something like that on their cv?

Presumably someone who wants to catch the employer's eye, and get them to consider the applicant has bags of self confidence and belief.

I really don't see why you'd reject on something like that if the rest was ok.

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 12:44:42
You can reject CVs for any reason. That's the danger of putting something like that on a CV, some people might like it, some won't. So you're limiting your options.

Provost Harrison
20-01-2005, 14:00:25
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
Needless to say, we won't be interviewing him.

LOL, that is pretty arrogant :lol:

Provost Harrison
20-01-2005, 14:04:17
(not you, the statement on the CV)

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 14:04:51
I hope you're not implying that K_G isn't arrogant too? :hmm: ;)

Provost Harrison
20-01-2005, 14:05:20
I would never write that myself. It would have to be 'One of the best blurbs in the world' ;)

Immortal Wombat
20-01-2005, 15:13:49
I'd put "Probably" in front. Just so I didn't look as arrogant.

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 15:15:28
Brilliant if you had experience working at Carlsberg.

King_Ghidra
20-01-2005, 15:15:30
use of 'probably' would certainly have tipped the balance between 'i'm a comedian' and 'i'm an asshole'

Japher
20-01-2005, 17:08:20
crap... I sent my cv out to several places already and I a) wrote "the best chemical engineer in the world" on it and b) forgot to give my contact information!!!!!!!!!!!1

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 17:08:53
At least they can't get in touch to tell you you're a loser!

jsorense
20-01-2005, 17:13:52
By CV do you mean curriculum vitć or résumé? A curriculum vitć should be quite detailed but a résumé concise, no more than two pages.

King_Ghidra
20-01-2005, 17:16:05
even i am not anal enought to be able to answer that question

especially as you actually used that ae character thing

Japher
20-01-2005, 17:16:36
I call it a cv, because that is quicker to type than resume

Japher
20-01-2005, 17:17:16
also, I can't get that little ' over the e, and I usually misspell resume..

Funkodrom
20-01-2005, 17:17:29
We don't really use the term résumé here but a 2 page summary of education experience is what people here would mean by a CV which would be short for curriculum vitć.

The Shaker
20-01-2005, 17:25:31
unless you are in the gym.

MoSe
20-01-2005, 17:26:57
Originally posted by Japher
that little ' over the e
:hmm: you simply mean... an accent (http://www.wordreference.com/definition/accent%5Fmark)? (or "accent mark")

I usually misspell resume.. [/B]then just call it summary (http://fr.wordreference.com/fr/Translation.asp?enfr=summary&v=b)?

protein
20-01-2005, 17:27:27
No national record of achievement folders landing on your desk then KG? You get to see how far they can swim and whan scout badges they got. Could be vital information.

Immortal Wombat
20-01-2005, 17:27:43
Originally posted by Funkodrom
We don't really use the term résumé here but a 2 page summary of education experience is what people here would mean by a CV which would be short for curriculum vitć.
And anything longer than that is filed under "biography".

The Shaker
20-01-2005, 17:29:48
When you've done as much as I have with your life, it's hard to fit everything into 2 pages.

jsorense
20-01-2005, 17:32:34
Originally posted by The Shaker
When you've done as much as I have with your life, it's hard to fit everything into 2 pages. It is possible if you emphasize the good stuff, like learning how to read and write, and skip the bad stuff, like the prison time.

Venom
20-01-2005, 17:34:30
Interviewing makes me nervous. Even though I know how to do what I do, the interviewing process renders me powerless to answer any question correctly.

Japher
20-01-2005, 17:40:47
I like interviewing...

I have done a lot with my life too, but I manage to cram it all into 2 pages. I generally, tailor the cv to the specific job. What do they care that I have tailored in change control procedures when the job is for design work? I just lump it all into a "a strong sense of quality" or some crap like taht.

Japher
20-01-2005, 17:43:19
the interviewing process renders me powerless to answer any question correctly.


Interviewer: So, Mr. Venom, why do want to work for us?
Venom: Because they don't pay you to insult people on the internet.

Interviewer: What skills do you have that would be valuable to this company?
Venom: Bend over and I'll show ya.

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Venom: What the fuck?! I'm not a psychic you nut job!

Venom
20-01-2005, 17:50:45
Pretty close actually. Except for the bending over part. I mostly tell them how many office supplies I'll steal that they can write off on taxes. Or something like that.

Japher
20-01-2005, 17:52:17
At least you tell them... and realize they can write it off

TV4Fun
20-01-2005, 18:00:31
There isn't enough space in the title field.

Darkstar
20-01-2005, 21:44:07
I might post something like:

"Extreme caffeine tolerance."
"Capable of coding for 72 hours straight before passing out comatose for 32 hours."
"Warped sense of humor included."
"Required: one compiler. Not included."

Humm... I'll have to remember that for my next resume batch.

Funkodrom
21-01-2005, 16:32:34
Originally posted by The Shaker
When you've done as much as I have with your life, it's hard to fit everything into 2 pages.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

MOBIUS
22-01-2005, 01:08:31
Originally posted by The Shaker
When you've done as much as I have with your life, it's hard to fit everything into 2 pages.

Yeah, I know! That screws me every time!

Sir Penguin
22-01-2005, 03:40:03
I've heard that not putting in your references is the Kiss of Death. I've also heard that putting in your references is the Kiss of Death. Same goes for giving a list of relevant skills, and providing examples of when you've used those skills.

SP

Provost Harrison
22-01-2005, 10:16:56
When you've done as little as I have with your life, it's hard to stretch everything into 1 page. Of A5.

:D

sleeping_satsuma
22-01-2005, 13:35:18
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
We had some CV's sent in for a developer role that has become available at my workplace.

One guy sent in a fairly regular CV with some good achievements on it, but in the notes section at the end he had the following statement:

One of the best developers in the UK

Needless to say, we won't be interviewing him.

This thread made me laugh

I bought a book about CV writing after I left Uni, and the guy who wrote it said that during the 80's when companies were throwing cash about like it was going out of fashion, and booze fuelled lunches were de rigeur, that he knew of someone who advertised a job for an account executive and received a CV comprising the following:

A box full of (tennis) balls
A letter stating simply: I am the best person for this job, because I've got lots of these.

Needless to say, this being the era of films like Wall Street and Working Girl, he got the job. :)

K-G at least your guy didn't do THAT, or claim to be the best developer in the UK, and Master of the known Universe.

I think you should bring him in for an interview just for comedy value, preferably taping the results for the rest of us.

HelloKitty
23-01-2005, 09:47:23
My last interview was with a man who looks like Bob Ross explaining how since he wouldn't have to pay my salery he would be happy to put his name on any work I did.

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 09:28:59
that he knew of someone who advertised a job for an account executive and received a CV comprising the following:

Yes, but as an account executive his job is to think of interesting and original ways to advertise stuff, the fact he's advertised himself in an interesting and memorable way, with a memorable story is showing he can do the job.

Perfect for that job but that wouldn't work for a developer role.

sleeping_satsuma
24-01-2005, 13:18:07
Ah well in that case you've convinced me!* It was a thorough and comprehensive CV detailing skill sets, past experience and future ambitions! What a happy match! :)

*note to self: never join any company where Funko works in a hiring capacity

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 13:19:31
Presumeably that just got him noticed for an interview. If I was interviewing for advertising execs I'd want stuff like that. Unlikely I would be though.

MoSe
24-01-2005, 13:33:25
Originally posted by Sir Penguin
I've heard that not putting in your references is the Kiss of Death. I've also heard that putting in your references is the Kiss of Death. Same goes for giving a list of relevant skills, and providing examples of when you've used those skills.

SP

when I applied for the current job (1st and only time I had to provide a CV), I had seen a friend's CV with a small pic of him in it, and I thought "cool!".

after I got the job, my current boss (who had invited me to apply), said that I was a twat, as putting my pic in the file had almost got me written off before they even got to read the content :cute: :D

sleeping_satsuma
24-01-2005, 14:47:32
Originally posted by Funkodrom
Presumeably that just got him noticed for an interview. If I was interviewing for advertising execs I'd want stuff like that. Unlikely I would be though.

I think its more likely (this being 2005) that you'd be looking for someone who provided you with a proper CV that demonstrated inventiveness through the detailed experiences, not a total flake who sends you a load of balls!

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 14:56:20
For a creative job like that I think creativity is more important than just the experience.

Venom
24-01-2005, 16:22:53
Is now the right time to ask what CV stands for?

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 16:33:35
It's a kind of car made by Citroen - totally shit.

sleeping_satsuma
24-01-2005, 16:50:37
Originally posted by Funkodrom
For a creative job like that I think creativity is more important than just the experience.

so you dont think an understanding of the industry, a proven track record, a suitable qualification, a network of contacts, or an ability to negotiate/liaise with clients would be as important?

Advertising isnt just about coming up with nice ideas- Creativity is a small (albeit important) part of an advertisers skills set. you need practical skills to put creativity into action. You also need to be able to work in a team and not act like a diva. No self respecting employer that wasnt living in 1985 and coked up to the eyeballs would hire someone who sent tennis balls. It says 'I'm an arrogant twat who doesnt take this job seriously'

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 16:53:10
I'm not saying that. You don't hire them purely based on that, you give them an interview or talk to them. :rolleyes:

Anyway, you can't learn creativity but you can learn all the other stuff. All the experience in the world doesn't matter if you're shit.

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 16:56:38
But yes, I'm sure that wouldn't be original enough these days. I've heard some great stories about stuff people use to get jobs like that from a uni mate. Including an edible CV. It was some kind of cookie or iced cake I think.

Japher
24-01-2005, 16:57:58
How about a signing telegram as your CV?

King_Ghidra
24-01-2005, 16:59:05
now something like that would be cool. If people would send me cv's written on the side of bottles of champagne i would definitely seriously consider their application

zmama
24-01-2005, 17:01:00
Originally posted by Venom
Is now the right time to ask what CV stands for?


curriculum viˇtae
n. pl. curricula vitae Abbr. CV

A summary of one's education, professional history, and job qualifications, as for a prospective employer.

resume...

sleeping_satsuma
24-01-2005, 17:02:46
http://www.talentzoo.com/employee/jobs/viewjobdetail.asp?ID=%7B0C1B8ADC%2DBD65%2D44F3%2DA 8DB%2DB93A653719BF%7D

A recent Ad exec's job spec- I don't see creativity even listed. Its all about the money. They don't want flakes.

'For immediate consideration, please e-mail cover letter and resume w/salary expectations'

See- pretty standard

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 17:06:47
Link doesn't work.

Was it selling advertising space or creating advertising concepts?

sleeping_satsuma
24-01-2005, 17:20:46
no it was for an ad exec

I cant find the link now


just know that i was right :D

Funkodrom
24-01-2005, 17:21:37
*shrug* Even when you're not right you don't believe it.

Japher
24-01-2005, 17:22:01
I've been to a couple career fairs and there was a booth for the FBI/CIA, and no one was it.. no folders, posters, nothing.

I assumed that in order to apply, you had to first find the rep as a sort of test.

Immortal Wombat
24-01-2005, 17:24:53
http://tinyurl.com/5voct

sleeping_satsuma
24-01-2005, 17:29:53
Originally posted by Funkodrom
*shrug* Even when you're not right you don't believe it.

thats because i'm never wrong. Its a gift.

MoSe
24-01-2005, 17:44:42
Originally posted by Venom
Is now the right time to ask what CV stands for?
Originally posted by Funkodrom
It's a kind of car made by Citroen - totally shit.
the previous model was the CIV, but it wasn't a success as most customers took it just like a game, not for serious

Venom
24-01-2005, 18:30:33
Originally posted by zmama
curriculum viˇtae

resume...


Oooh, latin...and somehow strangely familar.

Spartak
25-01-2005, 02:17:42
Shouldn't you 100-0 zmama or did you really not know?

zmama
25-01-2005, 03:46:45
He probably didn't know. The term is not used in the US except for university professors.

Spartak
25-01-2005, 03:47:44
Ah! Do they need a special phrase for their job applications? Typical academics...

Funkodrom
25-01-2005, 09:27:00
Originally posted by sleeping_satsuma
thats because i'm never wrong.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

King_Ghidra
25-01-2005, 09:34:42
Originally posted by Japher
I've been to a couple career fairs and there was a booth for the FBI/CIA, and no one was it.. no folders, posters, nothing.

I assumed that in order to apply, you had to first find the rep as a sort of test.

:D

King_Ghidra
25-01-2005, 10:03:03
Another good one today:

Interests & Activities
A socialite who has a keen palate for fine foods. Thus being so, group activities such as dining out at restaurants and cafés are a regular occurrence.

Sir Penguin
25-01-2005, 10:09:18
I hope you're not interviewing for a technical writer.

SP

King_Ghidra
25-01-2005, 10:20:53
i'm expecting this guy to turn up in a cravat and a smoking jacket

Drekkus
25-01-2005, 10:47:08
Smoking a pipe.

MoSe
25-01-2005, 11:11:01
http://www.curiouser.co.uk/img/pipe.gif

Drekkus
25-01-2005, 11:31:24
:lol:

King_Ghidra
25-01-2005, 12:41:10
my cowie tells me his friend received a cv in which the applicant described himself as having 'steely-blue eyes and a silver BMW'

Funkodrom
25-01-2005, 12:47:05
:lol:

Provost Harrison
25-01-2005, 12:48:25
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
my cowie tells me his friend received a cv in which the applicant described himself as having 'steely-blue eyes and a silver BMW'

I'd invite him to interview just so I could kick him...

Venom
25-01-2005, 13:19:32
Wow my resume doesn't sound so bad now. I mean, it's bad, but I don't go bragging about my gun collection or anything.

Provost Harrison
25-01-2005, 13:21:20
You should...maybe that is where you are going wrong ;)

Venom
25-01-2005, 13:23:45
Employers do love to be threatened with physical violence.

King_Ghidra
25-01-2005, 13:30:22
if you're a sixth-form girl looking for work experience, then threats of a firm spanking and mild bondage might well work against me

MattHiggs
25-01-2005, 15:01:38
There should be a whole forum dedicated to things people put in their CV. KG's got some good material!

King_Ghidra
07-03-2006, 09:39:38
Another round of interviews, another barrel of laughs:

Leisure activities and interests: I regularly attend my local gymnasium for cardiovascular, weight training sessions and keeping abreast of open source and new technologies

Funko
07-03-2006, 09:41:08
:lol:

mr_G
07-03-2006, 09:44:02
:lol: i need a gym like that.

Funko
07-03-2006, 09:46:11
Why?

MoSe
07-03-2006, 09:50:09
for keeping a breast

Provost Harrison
07-03-2006, 10:37:55
:lol:

Provost Harrison
07-03-2006, 10:39:31
I was talking to my supervisor about some of the more recent people that have been interviewed and one was hilarious. When posed a technical question related to gas chromatography where peaks were coming off the column too quickly and close together, she replied 'I'd hit the keyboard a few times and see if that'd fix it'. She didn't get the job :lol:

MoSe
07-03-2006, 10:46:32
but she was offered the position of IT manager instead! :D ;)

Asher
07-03-2006, 16:02:55
I'm not sure saying he's the best developer in the UK is as much of a boast as it is putting himself on the same page as developers from North America.

mr_G
07-03-2006, 16:04:44
Originally posted by Asher
I'm not sure use that more man, that sentence suits you.

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:06:54
Wow yeah, the US has some great developers. Good point.

Kitsuki
07-03-2006, 16:08:54
Originally posted by Funko
Wow yeah, the US has some great developers. Good point.

:lol:

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:10:19
X-FEAR! :shoot:

Asher
07-03-2006, 16:15:37
Originally posted by Funko
Wow yeah, the US has some great developers. Good point.
The UK is responsible for Lotus Notes. :cry:

Lurker the Second
07-03-2006, 16:17:15
Even I know that's not good.

mr_G
07-03-2006, 16:17:45
what about wordperfect?

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:19:39
Huh?

All the Lotus development people are based in Cambridge MA, USA as far as I know. Notes/Domino was started by Iris who were also based in Cambridge MA...

I don't know if Ray Ozzie was British but the clues that he isn't are that

1. He's called Ray Ozzie.
2. He met the other Iris guys at the University of Illinois.

Asher
07-03-2006, 16:25:56
Lotus Notes was fine til V3. When IBM bought it, its main development was done in the UK.

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:29:34
There is a Lotus Development place in Staines but whenever I've been there the only development people I've met were Americans :D

Or do you literally only mean the Notes client not the Domino side?

Asher
07-03-2006, 16:32:28
Notes client. Which is terrible.

Asher
07-03-2006, 16:32:52
Americans who emigrate to the UK must be a special breed of stupid.

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:33:51
Yeah. Got some really good features but the UI sucks and it's buggy.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
07-03-2006, 16:37:12
UI = US to UK Immigrant?

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:37:33
:D

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:37:55
They are USUKs.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
07-03-2006, 16:38:32
Now that's almost PH.

Funko
07-03-2006, 16:39:55
YAY!

Provost Harrison
08-03-2006, 00:11:20
Originally posted by Asher
Notes client. Which is terrible.

Eughh, don't remind me, I have to use it at work. It's best feature is that it always sends me the alarm of a meeting after the meeting has occured...fortunately I wasn't relying on it to tell me :lol: The best one is once when it did this two weeks after the event - it was a bit of a WTF moment :lol:

Asher
08-03-2006, 00:16:18
http://lotusnotessucks.4t.com/

Funko
08-03-2006, 09:06:06
Mine tells me 10 minutes before the meeting but our meetings never start on time. :D

Provost Harrison
08-03-2006, 11:39:24
Hehe, I've never quite figured out that trait...but I certainly don't rely on it :D

King_Ghidra
15-03-2006, 15:36:13
Most recent CV sent to me included the following link to the applicant's website, and fascinating it is too :D

http://uk.geocities.com/sapele_bench/

mr_G
15-03-2006, 15:37:49
Forget metric, inch your way back to imperial.

Tizzy
15-03-2006, 15:39:26
"Shavings aren't dust because they're shavings"

:confused:

Funko
15-03-2006, 16:19:42
Can you discount him immediately for using geocities?

Provost Harrison
16-03-2006, 17:43:00
He sounds a bit of a psycho...does the rest of the website cover bone bleaching a la Jeffrey Dahmer :D

Oerdin
16-03-2006, 18:44:45
CV-63

http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ship/cv-63-depart_1b.jpg