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notyoueither
14-01-2005, 10:57:41
I have my very own auditor courtesy of CCR starting in about 8 hours. I'm thrilled. I've never had my very own auditor. Meanwhile I'm here, drinking beer.

See you in the poor house.

Oerdin
14-01-2005, 10:58:56
Creedence Clearwater Revivial bought you an auditor?

notyoueither
14-01-2005, 11:00:38
I wish. I hope he likes strange people and rock music playing though. He'll be happy with my motley crew right off.

Drekkus
14-01-2005, 11:01:39
Why are you being audited, nye?

notyoueither
14-01-2005, 11:06:40
They spun the wheel and my number came up? Or, I took too long to file for that tax year and they don't like the scent of some of the expenses?

I knew 50,000 for 'executive entertainment' in Las Vegas was a bad idea, but I had so much money to hide I couldn't think of anything else.

In truth, some red flag went up somewhere and I get the joy of picking through revenue and expense details with a humourless junior accountant. I hope he likes strange people and music. If he does, I have a corner on strange people and those who play the same song, over, and over, and over...

Drekkus
14-01-2005, 11:09:34
Oh, ok.

I heard the other day that the tax service here can see if and how many times you editted your online taxform before submitting. When more than once, a red flag goed up. :D

notyoueither
14-01-2005, 11:11:33
That's an interesting theory. I should shoot my accountant. :D

I give him paper and he turns it into tax returns. I've long suspected him of excessive editiing.

Drekkus
14-01-2005, 11:14:45
Kill him.

zmama
14-01-2005, 12:15:25
Have a lovely probe

MDA
14-01-2005, 12:23:14
Is this song too obvious?

Let me tell you how it will be
Thereճ one for you, nin'teen for me

Cause I'm the tax man
Yea I'm the tax man

Should five percent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all

Cause I'm the tax man
Yea I'm the tax man

If you drive a car-car I'll tax the street
If you try to sit-sit I'll tax your seat
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat
If you take a walk I'll tax your feet
Tax man

Well I'm the tax man
Yea I'm the tax man

Don't ask me what I want it for
If you don't want to pay some more

Cause I'm the tax man
Yea I'm the tax man

Now my advice for those who die (tax man)
Declare the pennies on your eyes (tax man)

Cause I'm the tax man
Yea I'm the tax man

And you're working for no one but me
(Tax man)

Vincent
14-01-2005, 13:22:57
That's not CCR

MDA
14-01-2005, 13:33:04
Pft. Stop pretending to have a German sense of humor. :)

Vincent
14-01-2005, 13:38:55
it's still not CCR. It's the Beatles.

JM^3
14-01-2005, 14:07:02
good luck

JKM

Lefty Scaevola
14-01-2005, 14:41:02
I get aduited every few fews because the idiot IRS is incapable of checking my 'middleman' (outgoing) 1099s against my incoming 1099s.

Darkstar
14-01-2005, 23:49:06
Good luck NYE!

notyoueither
15-01-2005, 01:00:36
Day one is over. Good news! He says he will need a desk for the next two to three weeks.

Joy!

KrazyHorse@home
15-01-2005, 01:30:33
Tell him to sit on the floor.

MDA
15-01-2005, 04:12:35
That sucks.

zmama
15-01-2005, 09:55:03
Originally posted by notyoueither
Day one is over. Good news! He says he will need a desk for the next two to three weeks.

Joy!

Show him your avatar. That should scare him away

Vincent
15-01-2005, 10:12:23
Pay me the flight and I'll scare him personally. "I'm da Villi from Germany. I vant your shoes now"

fp
15-01-2005, 10:56:35
:lol:

notyoueither
09-02-2005, 09:51:39
We won!

We beguiled him with friendliness and openess, I sat him in an office surrounded by boxes of paper and told him to 'have at 'er.'

Then we dulled his wits with incomprehensible book keeping entries. They must be incomprehensible since I made many of them and fucked if I could explain them now. Many of our conversations ended with 'well, it must have made sense when I did it'.

Yeah, but why?

'I'm confused by your question.'

OK, maybe later.

After dulling his senses for several weeks, we finished him off with a bottled water shortage. This morning I noticed that we were out of water, and the service has not brought more yet. Is it a coincidence that he announced that he was wrapping up today and that he would disallow a couple of items I knew would be disallowed if I were ever audited? I don't think so! Lack of bottled water saved me! God bless France and every Frenchman!

I should mention that our consumption of bottled water increased four fold during this period. I think the guy was pouring it off into containers to take home for cooking.

The Mad Monk
09-02-2005, 10:47:12
Utter confusion is great weapon against beaureacracy.

MDA
09-02-2005, 12:37:25
:) Industry uses it against us all the time. They call it "fighting fire with fire" when we complain about it.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
09-02-2005, 12:39:58
Your bureaucrats are pink handbag wearing pussies.

Provost Harrison
09-02-2005, 13:17:33
It must take a 'special' person to want to be a tax inspector...

Oerdin
09-02-2005, 13:25:14
No just utter apathy and a desire not to excel.

Funkodrom
09-02-2005, 13:28:00
When we had the VAT inspectors at work they wanted to tax our free tea and coffee (and biscuits) as a perk.

Mainly because they had to pay for their own at the tax office.

HARR HARR HARR

zmama
09-02-2005, 14:55:32
You showed them your avatar, didn't you.

MDA
09-02-2005, 15:03:05
Originally posted by Dyl Ulenspiegel
Your bureaucrats are pink handbag wearing pussies.

My handbag is mauve!

Dyl Ulenspiegel
09-02-2005, 15:06:04
Twattocrat

MDA
09-02-2005, 15:11:24
I think that's Nav's job title.

Dyl Ulenspiegel
09-02-2005, 15:14:34
Mauvocracy?

The Mad Monk
09-02-2005, 15:25:49
I knew a cute, short, slender Philapina who was taking accounting when I was going to Rutgers. She was always talking about how she wanted to be an IRS auditor, and she always had a certain gleam in her eye as she did so.

She made me afraid. Very afraid.

MDA
09-02-2005, 15:39:50
Because she was cute short and slender?

Evil has such a pretty face.

The Mad Monk
09-02-2005, 19:47:19
Actually, it was more of a response to this:

No just utter apathy and a desire not to excel.

I had never seen anyone so eager to excel at being evil.

notyoueither
10-02-2005, 06:23:15
Originally posted by zmama
You showed them your avatar, didn't you.

Actually, I didn't have to. Friendliness went a long way. Stupidity got us over the line. Nastiness wasn't necessary until the final conversation when he began to make noises about rearranging executive salary so that additional taxes could be owed. Then I bared my teeth.

notyoueither
10-02-2005, 06:24:46
Originally posted by Dyl Ulenspiegel
Your bureaucrats are pink handbag wearing pussies.

This one was nice. He mentioned that he had fellows in the office who would have approached me with sharpened knives.

In short? I got lucky.

Provost Harrison
10-02-2005, 09:51:50
I think even that is out of a taxman's authority...

notyoueither
10-02-2005, 09:59:18
Not that lucky, pervert.