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Funkodrom
06-11-2003, 13:14:58
Comments on short story contest 6.

Story thread here (http://www.counterglow.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16396)

Venom
06-11-2003, 13:23:29
I really, really want to write something for this one.

Funkodrom
06-11-2003, 14:01:28
About your waistline, your gun collection or your ego?

Venom
06-11-2003, 14:20:45
There's no growing in my ego. Every day I'm made painfully aware of just how big a loser I am.

Debaser
06-11-2003, 14:29:16
Don't be so hard on yourself, you've got lots of internet friends, you write computer game reviews for an online magazine, you wear pink shirts...... oh. :nervous:

Japher
07-11-2003, 18:25:51
I submitted, it's crap but it's something... or rather nothing. If you want to bother wasting your time.

jsorense
07-11-2003, 22:23:30
Good job Japher.
Ii is good to see happy little gerbils.:)

Rekrul
10-11-2003, 21:30:32
I may have to bite the bullet and actually try to come up with something for this. Although the last time I wrote a story was about 12 years ago, so there are good odds that whatever I produce will be utter crap.

Funkodrom
10-11-2003, 22:41:58
Only way to get better is to write more and it's generally a pretty supportive readership.

Rekrul
11-11-2003, 00:36:02
it's generally a pretty supportive readership.

I have a feeling that may be about to change :bounce:

Darkstar
11-11-2003, 07:25:32
Not here it won't.

Rekrul
11-11-2003, 16:55:25
Well, I've started. Had a load of brilliant (hmm) ideas as I lay in bed last night, but of course couldn't be arsed to get up and record them.

Naturally this morning they were gone, but I did manage a half-hour 'stream of consciousness' outpouring of drivel at work this morning*. In a minute I will try typing up my notes, I've been delaying it as I don't really want to realise what complete carp I jotted down earlier....











* This was the outline for the story, as opposed to the usual drivel I produce at work every day.

King_Ghidra
11-11-2003, 17:13:48
Go for it! Contributing and just doing it is the hard part, after that you will only get better and be able to think of other things to do.

For the current one I have so far started three different efforts.
The first one was going to be about a guy who had a patch appear on his ceiling and was worrying about it, all the time neglecting his own pains which would in fact be a tumour growing in his own head.
That was too depressing so i started a second one which was going to be a kind of beowulf jobby about a growing menace, a monster or invaders or something.
Didn't really get anywhere with that so i've started number three which is kind of pure medieval fantasy. I'm writing something else at home (10000 words so far) set in a medieval fantasy world and i can't get that setting out of my head, so i think i'll go with this for my actual submission. I've only writen a couple of hundred words so far and i'm not really sure where i'm going, but it'll work out i'm sure :)

Chris
11-11-2003, 21:35:22
Maybe tommorow I'll write something, just not in a writing mood just now.

Rekrul
11-11-2003, 23:49:49
Finally managed to finish typing up the first draft. 1300 words and not a decent one amongst them, must be something of a record?

All I need now is a storyline, some characterisation, and to get rid of the cliches.

Which should hack the word count down into double rather than treble figures :)

Rekrul
12-11-2003, 00:06:16
Or indeed quadruple. Duh.

Rekrul
12-11-2003, 00:55:29
Ugh. Publish and be damned. I know what I'm trying to create here but just can't seem to string it together. The plot feels really ham-fisted and the lack of any sympathetic character probably doesn't help. It's also way too long. Oh and I left the cliches in as well :)

Is it permissible to edit in light of people's comments, assuming they can stop sniggering for long enough to type, or is that a no-no?

Darkstar
12-11-2003, 06:15:08
Japher, I was expecting a twist. Just not that twist. Nice submission.

Rekrul, sure, edit your entry if you want to. It's yours. These competitions are not like prize awards or anything. Yours has potentional. So, you planning on whittling down your entry? I thought you'd be expanding it further...

King_Ghidra
12-11-2003, 09:31:17
Not everyone is as verbose as you DS ;)

Good stuff Rekrul! Strangely reminiscent of the kind of stories Qweeg has submitted in the past i thought. Sounds like you both have some kind of nightmare vision of the future and a suspicion of government controlled science :D

Funkodrom
12-11-2003, 09:43:14
I really liked it. I thought early on that it might be people in the farms, then you threw me off the scent a bit. It was a good short story anyway.

Read Japher's as well. :lol: Nice.

self biased
12-11-2003, 12:16:37
you bastards. i've been up all night slaving away on something, and now i don't know how to end the fucking thing. it can go one of a few ways, and only one happy.... if you could call it that.

King_Ghidra
12-11-2003, 12:41:27
how about it goes the way of not being in italics...

self biased
12-11-2003, 12:57:56
it isn't. just i am. my fiction is standard type... and even if i relate someone else's words, they aren't either...

'misplaced' (http://www.counterglow.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16043)

King_Ghidra
12-11-2003, 13:01:24
Good point. You know i meant to comment on that story and never got round to it. I thought it was really good.

self biased
13-11-2003, 12:23:58
thanks. it's up, in two parts. i ended up running a little long. i don't quite like the last paragraph, for some reason.


not wholly sure what to call it, either. i'm thinking of something like "a small salvation." any ideas?

Rekrul
13-11-2003, 16:29:21
If that was the happy ending I dread to think what the sad one was like...

Great story! Reminded me a little of Peter Straub.

Funkodrom
13-11-2003, 16:35:27
That's dark. I liked it. :)

self biased
13-11-2003, 21:00:56
that wasn't the happy ending... i try to make my writing internally consistent as much as i can. i've got about as much notes on the ritual, and how certain things work sketched out.

peter straub? hmmm i haven't really read any of him... i was just hoping not to come off like clive barker.

Rekrul
13-11-2003, 21:54:27
One of my favourite Peter Straub books has to be 'Koko'. From your style of writing I think you'd love it :)

Funkodrom
14-11-2003, 00:25:43
I guess I should start thinking about my story.

Venom
14-11-2003, 01:21:30
Yeah, so should I.

Rekrul
14-11-2003, 20:47:58
Maybe I should have thought about mine - might have helped :lol:

King_Ghidra@home
16-11-2003, 01:01:43
self-biased seems to get a sexual kick out of the undead...

Funkodrom
16-11-2003, 13:09:21
Vampires are sexy - the whole neck biting thing. Zombies aren't.

self biased
19-11-2003, 18:57:54
and she was neither. she would have been alive if cory had performed the ritual properly.

so today's the deadline. i see nobody's submitted after me. **grin**

Immortal Wombat
19-11-2003, 19:01:32
I wrote mine at work and left it there.

self biased
19-11-2003, 19:25:59
oh. sorry. tomorrow's the deadline.

DaShi
20-11-2003, 09:58:42
I may be late.

Funkodrom
20-11-2003, 10:02:46
Me too, I think being late's fine but I'll start a new thread for the next comp later today.

Darkstar
20-11-2003, 23:03:00
I think I may have a submission. Needs some polishing on the close out though... So, either I will or won't submit. Probably won't be until after the "deadline". Like I pay attention to such things. ;)

Kory
20-11-2003, 23:33:18
I don't have time or energy for a detailed critique, but self biased, I just wanted to let you know that I thought your story was interesting enough to read through it twice. If I pick up some extra free time (more likely once my frigging DSL is back up) I might be able to give you something a little less vague.

(I'm really not terribly good at the critiquing thing, because either I just go straight into red-pencil-of-doom mode, or I am really vague...)

-- Kory (There, y'all happy now? :))

Immortal Wombat
21-11-2003, 00:37:03
Keeell the witch!

self biased
21-11-2003, 00:42:47
thanks. what was that comment about a knock-off?

Darkstar
21-11-2003, 00:44:23
It means she was willing to play along with something she just "knocked off" the word processor/post box. At a guess...

Kory
21-11-2003, 00:52:03
Originally posted by Darkstar
It means she was willing to play along with something she just "knocked off" the word processor/post box. At a guess...

Yeah.

I had, elsewhere, noted why I wasn't playing, and it's all Darkstar's fault that there's any contribution from me. I had a spare 10 or 15 minutes between job shit today...

-- Kory (Flash fiction is your friend.)

self biased
21-11-2003, 01:09:02
thanks, kory. i assume i can take that as a rather glowing compliment?

Darkstar
21-11-2003, 03:13:55
Originally posted by Kory
Yeah.

I had, elsewhere, noted why I wasn't playing, and it's all Darkstar's fault that there's any contribution from me. I had a spare 10 or 15 minutes between job shit today...

-- Kory (Flash fiction is your friend.)

Awww! It's so nice to know that Kory still :heart: us! :D

Darkstar
21-11-2003, 03:46:14
Ok. I actually have a longer story line for this, but I found a nice breaking point. Maybe I'll continue mine in the future, maybe I won't. It's as good as I'm going to get that bit anyways, without futzing with it for the next year, anyways.

General comments:
Nice submissions, people.

Kory, very nice. Doesn't demand to be made into an intro for something... longer... does it? ;)

Self... Barker? Well, ok. Felt more Poe then Barker to me, but then, I like Poe more then Barker anyways.

self biased
21-11-2003, 04:40:31
danke. i take it you like.

Funkodrom
21-11-2003, 09:45:30
Please continue to ignore the deadline and add entries for this story, I'm going to start the next thread to allow people who want to do another story/were inspired by this one the chance to start again.

Kory
25-11-2003, 18:21:02
Originally posted by Darkstar

Kory, very nice. Doesn't demand to be made into an intro for something... longer... does it? ;)

I doubt it. My short stories tend to come all at once or not at all, so if that's all that came out of my fingers, that's probably all there is.

This is, of course, why flash fiction is published by some people. Sometimes, you just have a scene to paint, not a tale.

-- Kory (But I'll let y'all know if that changes.)

PS: By the by, I have a metric assload of LJ invite codes, if there's anyone who might want to have an LJ to read people's (meaning mine) protected entries. Apropos of the copyright discussion.

Immortal Wombat
26-11-2003, 23:21:59
Well, I wrote it six days ago... :cute:

self biased
27-11-2003, 07:52:51
ha haaaa! i like it.

"bring it on, sumoibitch," indeed.

Funkodrom
27-11-2003, 10:27:49
That's excellent. :lol:

self biased
28-11-2003, 03:49:38
i think i may try to get that story published... hmmm.

King_Ghidra
08-12-2003, 14:04:46
i've got entries for this and #7 both at c.75% completion and i can't think up good endings for either and they're driving me NUTS

Funkodrom
08-12-2003, 14:07:07
The butler did it.
It was all a dream.
It was his evil twin with a hologram projector.

Drekkus
09-12-2003, 15:06:30
I submitted my happy little story.

Darkstar
11-12-2003, 03:39:10
Drekkus... VERY nice.

Kory... Sounds cool! PM a code? :D

Drekkus
11-12-2003, 13:06:46
thanks! :)

King_Ghidra
11-12-2003, 13:13:00
Yeah, good stuff Drekkus :beer:

I just submitted mine. I'm glad i persisted with it.

Funkodrom
11-12-2003, 13:35:00
With all the tentacled fiends touching princesses thighs and gallant knights that story had me thinking it was going to be a bodice ripper crossed with a dodgy Manga demonic porn scene...

And in the end it was completely different.

pink biased
11-12-2003, 23:18:21
cute. i liked it.

Darkstar
12-12-2003, 06:38:57
KG, a bit bubbly ending. I didn't expect manga from it, just the Princess turning into a Fiend and ripping up the Knights herself. It would make a good background or "in story" tale for a fantasy/medieval story.

King_Ghidra
12-12-2003, 13:34:55
yeah her turning into a monster was definitely one angle i was playing with, in fact that was how i first conceived the whole story and it probably would have made more sense and been neater as a short story

i suppose i took the slushy option, i'm turning into a pansy boy :D

Funkodrom
12-12-2003, 13:47:56
Yeah, but in the end that made the ending a surprise. The other way would have been predictable.

King_Ghidra
12-12-2003, 14:47:47
true. i imagine we're all learning that that there's a real challenge and a real art to avoiding cliches in short stories

Funkodrom
12-12-2003, 14:49:35
That's really why I'm struggling to write anything. It's getting an idea of something that cna fit into the format.

protein
12-12-2003, 14:54:32
Avoiding cliches? Crap. I'd better delete my clown story.

King_Ghidra
12-12-2003, 15:06:08
it was pretty twisted, i didn't think it was cliched, well apart from the whole concpet of evil clowns, but the writing wasn't cliched, which is more important really

Darkstar
13-12-2003, 09:04:27
I wouldn't worry about cliche... since we are writing these for our own fun, the main thing is that you enjoy writing. Getting feedback that's interesting to you is just a bonus.

Besides, it's all been done before, when you talk "cliches". It's only the flavoring (details) you use that is "different". So definately don't worry about being "cliched".