View Full Version : Comments on short story contest #3 - 'I used to like this town, a long time ago'

19-08-2003, 16:29:20
Here we go again...

Scabrous Birdseed
19-08-2003, 17:15:05
Change your sig!

19-08-2003, 17:24:19
one login at a time...

20-08-2003, 09:49:55
I really liked Qweeg's story! It has the same feel as I wanted to put in, but I guess mine wouldn't have been as funny. But since I'm going on holiday tomorow and will be busy as hell today, I'm afraid I won't be able to post one this week.

20-08-2003, 10:13:18
Yes you can, only takes a few minutes, er... I mean hours.

21-08-2003, 05:48:27
It only took you a few minutes, Qweed. :)

So, flesh out The Worlds, or do something else? I've got two different ideas, and at this time, I cannot decide which to do at this time. Humm...

22-08-2003, 08:42:51
For your amusement, a terrible translation of Bob's entry:

"I used to like this town, A long time ago" it the tiny loudspeaker of the radio bell pressed apparently desperately in the ear six o'clock by the green yellow curtains in 70's the decoration crept the mandatory dawn of the autumn morning. He thought about the report of this weak shining to him. In the quiet he agreed with itself on "both, and". Today was the day. The day, which large day, on which everything would decide. Everything! In few minutes he would jump up, in the bath under the cold shower obligations, the meager grey-through-worked beard into shape connecting piece and then... would be it time. Months, nearly years the preparation had taken. He had gone through each individual detail in the spirit of hundred time - nothing could stop him today! Few instants, then he would only carry out all necessary steps on the basis the exactly specified schedule. It smiled. The perfect plan. Nothing could go wrong, it was safe itself. And then: On never seeing again, triste pension rooms, lukewarm Kaffe and cardboard rolls, Sandwiches packed. And also no public means of transport more, whose noises penetrated now through the halfopened window. Soon will it in the Cabrio by the roads of its city more kreuzen.Er would backconquer it, now, for all times. It was so far. "I used ton like this town, A long time ago" roared the radio bell still. With a decided momentum it struck with the fist on the circuit breaker and turned on the side. It fell asleep immediately.

22-08-2003, 08:57:28
pappige rolls

22-08-2003, 09:04:16
what should it be?

22-08-2003, 09:23:08
"Pappe" is "cardboard". rolls, tasting like cardboard? Dunno what the appropriate word is, it's quite common for old bread - altbacken. I like the word "pappig" better, because it sounds like spitting

22-08-2003, 09:31:09
that makes sense, we often say cardboard sandwiches here

In fact British Rail used to be famous for their appalling sandwiches

22-08-2003, 09:41:09
The translation is far better than the usual babelfish stuff. When it's really bad I made a typo. I edited the story so it may sound more reasonable now

22-08-2003, 10:41:37
I edited the translation :)

22-08-2003, 19:52:42
Thanks for the translation! I was going to babblefish it... but you seem to have beaten me to it! :)

Very nice work Bob!

23-08-2003, 16:29:42
Posted mine. It's own little thing.

Looks like we aren't getting much more. What? 2 more entries might come along?

Scabrous Birdseed
23-08-2003, 16:57:21
Either it's my fault from the opening line or it just isn't getting that much interest any more now that the novelty's worn off. I totally forgot about it myself, gonna write something now.

Maybe we need to vary the format a bit, pose different challenges. E. g.: 100-word story, story with no characters, story with no dialogue, one-sentence story, story in rhyme, poem, same opening line as the starting line, romance, murder mystery, story in nonsense language, story inspired by drugs, slash, fan fiction, pastiche, story written entirely as a set of forum posts, as bad a story as possible, a joke, two different contrasting stories each, stories that all tie into each other in some way, stories that start with the same poening line as the last person's closing line, stories that have to include a certain cast of stock characters, TV scripts, plays, pictures that tell a thousand words.

Sir Penguin
23-08-2003, 17:20:16
I'd write something, but the contest goes way too fast and I don't get any ideas.


Scabrous Birdseed
23-08-2003, 18:23:52
Done! Out of the three I'm actually most happy with this one. It's a bit silly.

23-08-2003, 22:15:41
i don't think it's the opening line at all, i like that line, i think we're just suffering in the summer posting lull

various people who would have submitted are away on their hols or down at Reading festival or whatever

i shall probably finish mine before monday

24-08-2003, 01:49:34
The opening line is fine. Some of us are just getting ready to leave the country indefinietly (damn fbi closing in on me). I had a story idea for this one, but I just don't have the time for it right now. Hopefully, in a week or so. I really like this idea.

24-08-2003, 02:39:09
Scabs, I did the connected stories. ;) And might return to it in the future.

I think the main problem this time around is the number of our people that are busy elsewhere... and the shortness of time. Maybe we should go to once every 2 weeks?

Remember though... we are only doing this for our own fun. If you really want to do a mix up of weekly contests, wouldn't a hack, I mean, writer/author fiction board be better to look for that?

24-08-2003, 12:57:04
yeah i was thinking about switching to every two weeks i must admit...

25-08-2003, 06:08:38
Well, this is a 3 day holiday weekend in some parts, right? So this would be a bad week to expect high participation or to decide to go to two weeks. ;)

26-08-2003, 23:27:50
So... it's Tuesday. What's the next starting line? Suggestions?

27-08-2003, 10:07:22
Yeah, I haven't got a chance to read everyone's stories for this week let alone write a new one. I didn't even read all last weeks ones. :(

27-08-2003, 10:50:30
I still want to write a story for this one, so let's wait til the end of the week?

27-08-2003, 12:09:26
Me too. End of the week as in friday or sunday? (Not that I intend to leave it to the last minute)

27-08-2003, 12:38:17
end of the week as in sunday, i'm busy

27-08-2003, 18:28:06
I'd like to participate, but my family is looking like a triage ward right now, so I don't have time for jack shit except wiping asses and transporting the wounded.

Lazarus and the Gimp
27-08-2003, 20:27:00
Haven't liked the opening lines for the last two.

Can the next one start "My eyes! My eyes!"?

Lazarus and the Gimp
27-08-2003, 20:28:11
In BGH's case it could be autobiographical, from the sound of it....

27-08-2003, 22:23:54
Originally posted by Lazarus and the Gimp
Haven't liked the opening lines for the last two.

and that's the reason you haven't entered? sorry but that's a lame reason

Can the next one start "My eyes! My eyes!"?

unless anyone strongly objects, that's fine by me

27-08-2003, 23:01:55
Now now, KG... Laz is a very good writer. If he didn't like the starters for the last couple, don't go bashing on him just yet. Inspiration doesn't strike, then it doesn't strike. And if he doesn't like the start, how is inspiration going to strike?

KG, Funko, there isn't anything stopping you guys from adding on to the old story threads.

And KG... you said TUESDAY was the deadline. You already extended it one day for the holiday. Now, where's that new one? :)

I'm ok with "My eyes! My eyes!" *if* Laz has something for it. Otherwise, then I add my call for stringing him up. ;)

And BGH, I'm sorry to hear you scrambling around in M*A*S*H mode there. I hope things improve for you and your family, and soon.

Now, if we want to make #4 2-weeks in duration, I can handle that. This weekend is a 3 day weekend for the USA this time around...

28-08-2003, 07:50:54
Originally posted by Darkstar
Now now, KG... Laz is a very good writer. If he didn't like the starters for the last couple, don't go bashing on him just yet. Inspiration doesn't strike, then it doesn't strike. And if he doesn't like the start, how is inspiration going to strike?

I don't necessarily think the idea of the opening line is to trigger rampant inspiration in everyone's minds. Anyone with any imagination and skill can turn the opening line to any ends they please. If Laz really is as good as you say, he can do it. I maintain Laz's failure to enter is about lack of effort not lack of inspiration (something which i too am guilty of this time round).

Lazarus and the Gimp
28-08-2003, 17:24:12
Originally posted by King_Ghidra@home
and that's the reason you haven't entered? sorry but that's a lame reason

I think that being 700 miles away from my PC may have been the reason.

28-08-2003, 18:01:05

28-08-2003, 20:02:32
good point :o

29-08-2003, 14:30:14
i posted mine. go read it.

Scabrous Birdseed
29-08-2003, 15:08:40
S'good. I dig the mood, man.

29-08-2003, 15:42:15
cheers. It's pretty heavily influenced by the Takeshi Kitano yakuza films. I like the way he presents a totally diferent atmosphere from the hong kong action flicks with cool gangsters. His yakuza are pretty ordinary people. Maybe a bit flashier, a bit mroe confident, but they still get bored, get drunk, do stupid things.
Bizarrely the story idea came to me when i was taking a piss at work on thursday morning.

Dr Debaser
29-08-2003, 16:32:08
I like it. It's quite sad though.

30-08-2003, 04:52:19
So, where's #4 then, KG? Lieing down on the job, you are! :mad: Get #4 posted! Or its :bash:ing tim.

03-09-2003, 13:43:41
I was looking at contest #4 when I had a connection with the third one. So I submitted that one. Maybe I'll come around posting one for number 4 this week.

03-09-2003, 15:59:27
That's really sad.

03-09-2003, 19:53:12
oh shut up pansy boy, you find them all sad

nice job drekkus - proof that you don't need to write a thousand words to set a powerful scene