PDA

View Full Version : Metaphors of the day


Tizzy
08-07-2003, 10:07:32
These are (apparently) metaphors from actual GCSE essays:


Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m.at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the
Dr.on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda Jackson MP in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook MP, Leader of the House of Commons, in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz MP.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.

She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.

She grew on him like she was a colony of ecoli and he was
room-temperature British beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation
thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

LoD
08-07-2003, 10:20:08
:lol:

It's a shame 'thoguh that the ones showing genuine talent in irony aren't seperated from those displaying genuine talent in idiocy.

Drekkus
08-07-2003, 10:23:04
:lol: :lol:

Those are absolutely fantastic.

King_Ghidra
08-07-2003, 10:23:21
something tells me those aren't really from gcse essays...funny though

oh and metaphors? aren't they similes?

Funkodrom
08-07-2003, 10:57:41
Some of those are genius.

I think we know whose sister wrote this one:


"The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work. "

King_Ghidra
08-07-2003, 10:58:41
:bash:

ozscott75
08-07-2003, 10:59:52
This thread is a metaphor.

Drekkus
08-07-2003, 11:33:03
"He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. "

That must be Qweeg.

maroule
08-07-2003, 11:50:07
"Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation
thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. "


and that, SP

Lurker
08-07-2003, 13:13:13
Very funny. "He was as tall as a 6' 3" tree".

MoSe
08-07-2003, 13:30:31
Originally posted by LoD
:lol:

It's a shame 'thoguh that the ones showing genuine talent in irony aren't seperated from those displaying genuine talent in idiocy.

telling a metaphor from an "I can't believe it's not a metaphor"???

Qweeg
08-07-2003, 13:38:14
Funniest thread thing I've read all week.

ozscott75
08-07-2003, 13:41:07
You obviously missed Jon Miller's 'hypothetical' thread.

Qweeg
08-07-2003, 14:10:47
yup.

Funkodrom
08-07-2003, 14:27:18
Me too. Where is it?

Darkstar
08-07-2003, 21:41:10
:lol:

Great thread! Thanks for posting it!

Sir Penguin
08-07-2003, 21:47:37
Those don't sound like they're from essays. :mad:

SP

Sir Penguin
08-07-2003, 21:49:14
At least, not essays as the word was meant in my high school. :mad:

SP

Chairman Yang
08-07-2003, 22:08:47
:lol:
I'm laughing so loud and long my mother and sister probably think I'm on drugs or something.

Drekkus
09-07-2003, 08:29:09
I have now bookmarked this thread to read back for a good laugh every once in a while.

King_Ghidra
09-07-2003, 08:31:36
Originally posted by Chairman Yang
:lol:
I'm laughing so loud and long my mother and sister probably think I'm on drugs or something.

you're not?

Chairman Yang
09-07-2003, 19:22:52
not when my mother and sister are in the other room, no.

King_Ghidra
09-07-2003, 19:37:57
sensible. especially after the incident

Drekkus
10-07-2003, 07:43:06
THE incident? Or the INCIDENT?

Vincent
10-07-2003, 07:57:07
"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. "
I like that one!

Drekkus
10-07-2003, 08:06:57
Yeah, that one's layered. I don't know what's funnier, if it was intentional, or not.

Funkodrom
10-07-2003, 08:25:18
I hope that one's intentional really.

maroule
10-07-2003, 08:27:46
"It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall."

I like the 'accidental' bit. I can only think of one person, my father in law, clumsy enough to achieve that.

Funkodrom
10-07-2003, 08:31:28
:lol:

You've never met Bossman.

Vincent
10-07-2003, 08:40:36
He's clueless like someone who obviously missed Jon Miller's 'hypothetical' thread

Drekkus
10-07-2003, 08:53:25
He's as fit as someone who accidentally gave his phonenumber to the latvian gay community.

Drekkus
11-07-2003, 09:43:31
Bump for a lighthearted fridayafternoon.

Funkodrom
11-07-2003, 09:44:22
Originally posted by Vincent
He's clueless like someone who obviously missed Jon Miller's 'hypothetical' thread

Unlike me who read it and then forgot I had because it was boring? :)

MoSe
11-07-2003, 09:45:39
as lighthearted as bumping a metaphors thread

King_Ghidra
11-07-2003, 09:47:28
i still maintain these are similes not metaphors

Drekkus
11-07-2003, 09:50:34
simian smilies.

MoSe
11-07-2003, 09:56:36
you may as well maintain your bollocks firmly in your hands for what I care but
metaphor (http://wordreference.com/english/definition.asp?en=metaphor):..."applied to an object or action that it does not literally denote "
and then, if you follo the "simile" comparison link from inside the metaphor definition:
"resemblance of one thing to another of a different category"

Now, those two definitions are not at all alike or similar.
Or are they????

MoSe
11-07-2003, 09:57:49
I forgot a :p

King_Ghidra
11-07-2003, 10:24:46
i was always taught that the key words were 'like' or 'as'

if i say 'this company is like a whale' that's a simile
if i say 'this company is as flabby as jabba the hut' that a simile

if i say 'the company was beached, lifeless, rolling, mouth open' that's a metaphor

Funkodrom
11-07-2003, 10:39:07
I was taught that as well but we were at the same school. :)

Funkodrom
11-07-2003, 10:39:41
In fact it was up on a poster on one of the bookshelves in the English department.

Tizzy
11-07-2003, 10:57:37
I was taught that too, but I just copied the title as it was on the email and didn't stop to think if it was correct :)

Funkodrom
11-07-2003, 11:00:02
Some of them are metaphors by that definition anyway. :)

Drekkus
11-07-2003, 11:03:38
Some people should stop noisying and just enjoy them.

King_Ghidra
11-07-2003, 11:06:19
some dutch people should shut the fuck up and stay out of english business :p

maroule
11-07-2003, 11:13:51
that will teach him to make reasonable comments, the little fuck

King_Ghidra
11-07-2003, 11:19:19
yeah i wish i hadn't the smilie now, it needed to be harsher

Drekkus
11-07-2003, 11:19:25
Oh yeah?! Tell you what. You stop threadkilling boring similes stuff and I'll let you get back to your business (= work). I don't want to see you posting here for another hour.

King_Ghidra
11-07-2003, 11:20:15
:cry:

Sir Penguin
11-07-2003, 20:44:25
I was taught for 10 years that a metaphor is a direct comparison between two nouns; and a simile is an indirect comparison between two nouns, using 'like' or 'as'. Then, in grade 11, my English teacher said that a metaphor is an indirect comparison, and a simile is a direct comparison. He insisted that he was right, despite the fact that the past 10 teachers for 30 students disagreed with him, but so did common sense. He was British, by the way.

SP

Lazarus and the Gimp
11-07-2003, 22:17:25
He was also correct, but so was the other definition.

A simile is not a direct link in the constructive/technical sense of language, due to the interposing "like". However in the semantic sense of language a simile is a direct link, while a metaphor usually isn't.

Drekkus
29-12-2004, 09:27:25
Ah, cleaning up my bookmarks never was so much fun as with this thread.

Bump for laughs.

miester gandertak
29-12-2004, 09:51:04
thanks Drek,

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Drekkus
29-12-2004, 10:15:35
I still :lol: when I read them.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

Colon
29-12-2004, 12:13:36
Such an old thread, so many extinct posters.

Drekkus
29-12-2004, 12:37:31
Like who?

Colon
29-12-2004, 12:41:46
I meant extinct in a methaphorical sense.

Drekkus
29-12-2004, 12:44:47
My metaforum style of posting is beyond you.

Darkstar
30-12-2004, 21:41:57
Originally posted by Drekkus
I have now bookmarked this thread to read back for a good laugh every once in a while.

Good work Drekkus! A great thread worth bubbling up now and then!

Drekkus
21-03-2006, 12:53:10
Oh, golden oldie bump. I found this one in my IE favorites (just installed the beta IE7).

MoSe
21-03-2006, 15:31:45
Originally posted by Funkodrom
I think we know whose sister wrote this one:
"The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. "

I never had the chance to reply:

DO'H! Phil's sister, of course.

;) :p

but that was before we defined the concpet of PHd...

MoSe
21-03-2006, 15:39:01
Rereading them, I still literally LOL.

I particularly appreciate now


His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.


The first two have an additional layer, reversing the reference!
The latter it's so... so... that I... can't compare it to anything!
:D