View Full Version : More shameless cutting and pasting of jokes (Irish, this time)

01-04-2003, 15:23:24
Irish Fly:
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and
each order a pint
of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over,
three flies buzz down
and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman
looks disgusted,
pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The
Scotsman picks out the
fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman
reaches in to the
glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes
him while yelling,
Spit it out, ya little bastard! Spit it out!"

Irish Cemetery:
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling
home from the
pub late one night and found themselves on the road
which led past the old
graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "
It's Michael
O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the
ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick
O'Tool, it says
here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Seamus
yells out, "Good
God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his
name?" asks Paddy.
Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match
to see what else
is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "...
Miles, from Dublin."

Irish Miracle:
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is
driving home from the
city one night and, of course, his car is weaving
violently all over the
road. A cop pulls him over."So," says the cop to the
driver, "where have
ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs
the drunk. "Well,"
says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to
drink this
evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a
smile. "Did you know,"
says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
across his chest,
"that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
your car?" "Oh, thank
heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."

Irish Accident:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when
Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
"I've somethin' to
tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always
welcome, Tim. But
where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be
tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!"
cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I must,
Brenda. Your husband
Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she
looked up at Tim. "How
did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell
into a vat of Guinness
Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must
tell me true, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda ... no.
Fact is, he got out
three times to pee."

Irish Predicament:
Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan)
staggers into a
Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down
but says nothing.
The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but
the Ole just sits
there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the
wall. The drunk
mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on
this side either.

************************************************** *
Irish Last Request:
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his
Sunday morning
service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's
bothering you, Mary my
dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed
away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's
terrible. Tell me, did he
have any last requests?" She says, "That he did,
Father..." The priest says,
"What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please
Mary, put down that
damn gun!'"

01-04-2003, 15:28:48
nice formatting, i think i've gone blind trying to read that

the miles from dublin joke was very funny though :D

01-04-2003, 15:30:23
More likely that has something to do with your porn collection.

01-04-2003, 15:30:58
ha! jealousy!

01-04-2003, 15:31:43
The Irish like to drink?

01-04-2003, 15:53:16
Originally posted by King_Ghidra
nice formatting, i think i've gone blind trying to read that

the miles from dublin joke was very funny though :D

I couldn't be arsed to fix it. I thought they were all pretty funny, actually.

01-04-2003, 15:55:47
Well, they're all pretty old, I'll give you that ;)

Curt Sibling
01-04-2003, 17:28:31
Two Irish lads walking along and stop at a sign on a wall...


"To be sure, Patrick!" says Mick to his pal, "A pity Sheamus ain't here, or we could have applied for that!"

Ho ho!