Gears of War Review
Posted: 16/11/06 by Venom | Comments (29)

I’m a man of refined taste. I only love the highest quality frozen pizzas, the finest Cambodian breast milk, the free-est of the free internet porn, Tyson Chicken Tenders, porn, cursing, cursing porn, shooting things, shooting things while cursing and of course, chainsaws to the face. And porn. What if there was a video game that combined all those things? I’d give it 32 stars. 234%. A++++++++++++. 8 thumbs up.

Gears of War from Epic Games (and Microsoft Games) for the X-Box 360 only has 4 of those things, but I’m going to go ahead and review it for you anyway. I’m a giver. It’s what I do. Now put your reading glasses on, start drinking, and take your hands out of your pants. No one wanks to my reviews but me. And this one is special; it’s CG’s first Next Gen review. We might be in for a lot of wanking. Don’t worry, I’ve got lots of electrolytes on standby to keep me going.